Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Additional Letter

Dear Blogspot:

Why do you keep logging me out after I click the "remember me" checkbox thingie? Does my blog suck so much that you are trying to forget me?


Dear Windows Vista:

I hate you. You suck. You crash more than a monster truck. I hate you like I hate people who invented smallpox blankets.

Dear Guy at the Gym:

Please read the sign and stay out of the Women's Only workout room. (That's right! I made it back to the gym. No lower body stuff, of course, but it was good to be back.)

Dear Hubs:

I know we had a long conversation this morning about all kinds of stuff, but I don't remember any of it. Because we have that rule that I don't need anyone talking to me before 8am. So all of that stuff that you told me to put on the grocery list? I don't remember it. Please don't change the rules on me. You know how I am about change.

Dear Hubs (Again):

If you need to fart, please don't do it while you're standing next to me.

Dear Woman with no brain:

When you dropped your child off in the nursery on Sunday, I could tell she was sick. Know how I could tell? Her nose was running like a faucet, her face was flaming, she was coughing like a 90 year old emphysema sufferer, and her eyes looked like Niagra falls. When you pushed her in the room, I said, "Whoa! She looks sick. You can't leave her in here with the other children (mine included) if she's sick." You said, "Oh, it's just allergies." So I took you at your word. Because that's what Jesus would do. I spent two hours trying to keep her away from the other kids because it looked like no allergy attack I've ever seen before and I should know. I have severe allergies. So you come to pick her up, I clean up, use hand sanitizer and make M wash her hands. We go to our Sunday afternoon play group. We come home and about 10 minutes after we walk through the door, you call me. "I just wanted to tell you that V has RSV. I didn't want to tell you this morning because I didn't think you'd let me leave her in the nursery." What? Of course you can leave your child here and expose eleven other children (mine included) and three adults to a mega-infectious disease! Of course! IDIOT. First of all, thank you so much for exposing my daughter to RSV. Did you even think about the other kids in the room, or were you just thinking of yourself? Did you not think of your daughter and how miserable she was the whole time you were gone? And thank you so much for exposing me to an infection that inflames the lungs. Because I have lung problems. Did you know that? Did you know that something as simple as a cold can land me in the hospital? Did you know that I only have 60% lung capacity to begin with? Who is going to take care of M if I'm laid up in a hospital bed? Hubs has to work. Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? URGH!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Okay, I decided to blog while I was on my pain medication to see how it would turn out. For those who haven’t read my previous post, I injured myself last week and am taking some prescription pain medication for it. We have discovered that the pills make me 1) Loopy 2) Easily irritated and 3) sleepy. My commentary on my own goofy state will be in italics. I’m not on the medication anymore. I’m going to try to make the switch to Tylenol tonight. My leg only hurts if I move it. Or if I breathe. Or if the wind blows. Okay, here goes.

I am blogging under the influence, people! M is taking a nap and the babysitter is in the kitchen doing the dishes. I’m not sure if the babysitter is for me or M. I’ll let her do the dishes anyway.
I decided it would be fitting to watch the Twilight movie while I blog. I was reading my book but apparently I was talking about ice-nine in my sleep and Hubs made me stop. Oh! I have to go vote for Lauren. Okay, I’m back.

Seriously. I voted for Lauren and then came back. And wrote that. Because I’m an idiot.

I was going to have the babysitter put the DVD in the player, but she went outside. I hope she’s not smoking out there because that means her breath is gonna stink when she comes back in. Well, maybe I do hope she’s smoking out there because it means she’s not smoking in here. Did that make sense?

Okay, she put the DVD in for me and she got me a glass of milk. Sweet! She doesn’t smell like smoke, so she wasn’t smoking. Maybe she just likes the weather.

My leg is purple. Big and purple like Grimace. Remember him? Ronald McDonald’s big purple friend. He makes me smile sometimes. Oh, I forgot to start the DVD. It’s just sitting on the menu and the music keeps looping and it’s muy annoying.
Opening credits. Phoenix does not look like I thought Phoenix looked like. I’ve never been there before and it looks different than the Phoenix in my head. That is a tiny cactus. …………………………………..

This is where I fell asleep and slept through the whole movie. When I woke up, it was back on the DVD menu. Here’s what I wrote when I woke up:

I slept through the movie! I didn’t even get to see Edward. My leg is still big and purple. I was staring at it and I realized something.
I am just as clumsy as Bella. I’m MORE clumsy than Bella. I’m sitting in bed because of a musical instrument induced injury. And it wasn’t even an instrument I was playing. No one was playing it. I was attacked by a wild musical instrument. When Keyboards Attack! And it pisses me off because she can be clumsy and slip on some ice and trip on a doorstop and she gets adopted by a family of friendly vampires. This book/movie gives false hope to clumsy people that something cool is out there for you. It’s not. Nothing cool has ever happened to me, the clumsiest person to every walk, nay trip over, the face of the earth. I don’t necessarily want vampires, but how about winning the lottery? Which would be really amazing considering we never buy lottery tickets. Well, I have Hubs and M, which is pretty amazing. Haha! Hubs just walked by and I slapped his rear and said, “Hey Baby!”

This is where I fell asleep again. Seriously, my life is pretty amazing. I was being truthful about the clumsy thing. I fall over when I’m standing still and tend to trip on flat ground. Hubs is constantly telling me I have to stop falling down and bumping into things. As I said, the medicine made me irritable. I really am grateful for Hubs and M. And I have a great group of friends to keep me company and keep me happy. And I have my own copy of the Twilight DVD. And yes, my leg is big and purple like Grimace. It is feeling a lot better, though. My doctor says I should be able to start putting my weight back on it tomorrow, so WOO HOO! Maybe I’ll be brave enough to start sewing again tomorrow.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Where I've been since Wednesday

A couple of days ago I was sewing. My sewing corner is in the room where hubs keeps all his instruments. His keyboard (one of the big piano size ones) leans up against the wall in the corner next to my sewing machine. So I'm sewing away and this 900 ton keyboard decides to fall over. I reacted the only way I could. "Protect the sewing machine at all costs." So I stuck my leg out to stop the keyboard from crushing my sewing machine and it crushed my leg instead! Well, it didn't crush it, but I ended up with a deep muscle injury in my left calf. So I have some fun medicine now and I'm probably going to be floaty for a few days, so I don't know if I'll blog or not. Oh, and in case you were worried, the sewing machine survived unscathed. Because I'm a hardcore protective homemaker that way.

I'll be reading Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut while I'm convalescing and trying not to get fat so I won't piss off my trainer when I can finally hit the gym again. Oh, and, much to the chagrin of Hubs and my cardiologist, I've decided to start training for our city's marathon next year. I did cave and agree to just do the half marathon instead of the whole. I think that Hubs is secretly happy that the keyboard squashed me because it sets my training back. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Lost Recap

That guy is making that kid kill a chicken. The kid doesn't want to. He's still making him. What a jerk.

That smaller kid, who I'm guessing is baby Sayid, just killed that chicken. What a jerk.

That man just called his son a girl. What a jerk.

Wow. Little Ben has a heart. "That doesn't mean he's not hungry." What a sweetheart. He's still all Children of the Corn, though.

Jin has got the Harlequin cover hair going on! Look at him in that leather with his long, flowing locks. And Ben in a Fedora that looks like a cowboy hat. Man, I love Ben so much. He's just so nasty and creepy.

Horace looks pissed. It's because Sayid's long hair looks better than his. Horace pronounced "infiltrate" wrong. Did you hear that? He put emphasis on the wrong syllable. Silly Horace. Sayid's not afraid of you and your empty threats. Juliet and Sayid are both wearing purple. Foreshadowing? Of course. Foreshadowing for what? That I don't know. Something purple will happen soon, though. I think maybe it means Richard will be dabbling in the purple eye shadow in the near future.

Horace still reminds me of a Muppet. That Phil guy gets on my nerves. What a load.

Hurley is a cook! Sweet! Kate has big teeth. I have missed Hurley so much. Here Kate goes with her love Sawyer/love Jack crap again. All aboard the flake train! WooWoo!

Uncle Rico is back. What a jerk. No wonder Ben is the way he is. Look at the role model he had.

Sayid can build my house any day. "John Locke is dead. I think he was murdered." You think so, Ben? Really? I love that Sayid hates grown-up Ben, but he's protective of Little Ben. Did you see his reaction when Uncle Rico started slapping Ben around?

Aw, Sawyer, that was not cool. You didn't have to tase him. He would have gone willingly and you know it. Look at that camp. I guess Dharma's idea of torture is to smoke weed together, because that's what it looks like. Who is that man? He sounds like the guy in Napoleon Dynamite who worked on the chicken farm. Sayid puts up a good fight. Ah man. Sawyer's all "Crap! He gave him truth juice!" Talk about your all time backfires.

This episode is crazy with the flashbacks. I actually think it's been more flashback than actual show.

Girl cop who eventually flies with Sayid is pretty. I think I might like her. I know I like her earrings. They rock my world. I wonder where she got them. What? Who likes sad men? Angsty, maybe, but not sad. No one wants to be married to Eyeore.

He looks so happy after that guy fed him a sugar cube. Haha! He looked at that guy like he was in love with him when he answered the questions. Poor man's Paul Giamatti has to calm himself down. He's PMS-ing all over the place.

C'mon. They're not going to do the slapfight. They're going to be all BFF instead.

Don't do it, Sawyer! Don't vote against Sayid! Oh man, that was weak. Who is this cop/chick who picks people up in bars with awesome earrings? Oh, I see who she is now. She's a professional. A professional butt-kicker. Hey-o!

Flaming VW van. Ben! He saved Sayid! My love for him knows no bounds. So Sayid thinks his purpose is to get Ben to the Others. And teach him to style his hair and wear eyeliner. Or he's going to try to kill him in the woods. Either way it's interesting. I feel sorry for sad Little Ben with his taped up glasses. He just needed more hugs as a child and all this craziness would not have happened. HOLY COW! Sayid just shot Baby Ben. But the island heals those who should not have died. So I'm wondering if that means that Ben will come back.


So next week is just a whodunit. Not much revealed in that preview. They seemed to be more worried that Sayid broke out than worried about a dead Ben, so that makes me think they haven't found Ben's body yet, or Ben isn't dead and the island healed him.


Dear people in general:

Why do you get stupid when it rains? I mean, I know it's more difficult to drive on a wet road than a dry road, but it's not that much harder. Did the rain fall in your ears and wash your smarts away? Seriously. You can't slam on your brakes at a red light when the road is wet and expect to not slide out into the intersection and hit another car. I'm glad everyone was okay, but as the only witness, I had to sit in the rain with a screaming toddler and tell a bazillion different police officers what had happened. Just slow down!

Dear person who ran over my mailbox this morning:

Seriously? Two people got their smarts washed away by the rain in the same morning?

Dear M:

How can you eat those nasty McDonaldland cookies? I ate one this morning and it tasted like death, but you seem to love them.

Dear Hubs:

Thanks for waking me up from my nightmare last night and then sitting up with me for an hour while I ate Wheat Thins and calmed down. You're the best. :)

Dear M's Lion King balloon:

Please stop floating into our bedroom in the middle of the night and tickling my face with your ribbon string. You didn't help my nightmare. And it's almost like you're stalking us. Ew.

Dear Green Bell Pepper plant:

Why are you growing red bell peppers? You are a green bell pepper plant. I still have the seed packet and can show it to you if you want me to. It's not that I don't like red bell peppers. I like any bell pepper. It's just that the green ones saute better than the red ones. That's all. That being said, I will still eat your red bell peppers as they rock on a sandwich.

Dear JoAnn's:

Why do you never put embroidery thread on sale? Do you have no soul? Of course you don't. You're just a store. A store who anticipates what I need and then doesn't put those things on sale.

Dear Friends:

Lost update tonight.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Sewing Sewing Sewing

I made M some new clothes. A couple of sundresses and a pair of capris and a matching top.

Sorry there aren't more funnies today. It was a rough morning. Anyway, I'll try to be more cheerful next time I post. And I just watched Twilight again and 1) Why did they change Biology teacher to Mr. Molina? 2) and Edward's stink face is hilarious. 3) I didn't catch the S Meyer cameo until the second viewing.

Oh, and this is for Michele, because she asked me to.

That is all.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

First Impressions of the Twilight Movie

It was just as cheesy as I expected it to be, which was great because I love a cheesy movie!

I've only watched it once because I can't watch it with Hubs in the room because he won't shut his fool mouth. He constantly makes fun of it. Anyway:

* I love Charlie. He was the perfect Charlie. :)
* I love that Jasper was just standing there like an angry mannequin in most of his scenes. That's what he was in the book!
* I dug the first cafeteria scene. Everyone staring at them and they're looking back like, "yeah, I could eat you if I wanted to."

Check out Edward's face in this still. Somebody at that table just farted. My guess is Jasper.

* When Edward grabbed Bella and ran up the mountain, it reminded me of this guy from The Price is Right:

Speaking of Edward and running up the mountain, I was MUY DISAPPOINTED that the meadow scene was so different and hardly even there. I loved that part of the book. Driving to the meadow, the first run through the woods, the tender touches, and the first kiss in the woods. I was sad that it was so different.

*We're in ur kitchens. Cookin ur Italian foods.

*I loved all the sultry stares that Rob used as Edward.

This is the "I'm totally going to sex you up three movies from now" look.

*My last observation, I promise. What the freak was Bella wearing on her foot to the prom? Not the cast, but the other thing? That rancid sneaker? I remember in the book that Alice put a stiletto on her. Because Edward was talking about how her leg looked tasty in more ways than one. And then she wears THIS in the movie:

So I did some research and check out what I found!

Magazine photo shoot:

"Speak" poster (disclaimer: I loved this movie and thought Kristen did a great job in it. I'm not decrying the movie. Just pointing out a pattern.)

So the shoes are evidently a part of her being, so there was no way they could include the stiletto.

And I'll end it all up, because a lot of people are not Jacob fans (I'm TE all the way), with this awesome picture of Taylor holding a tiny dog.

Doesn't this make you like him just a little bit?

And this picture of Rob being VERY COLD. Note to movie staff: Please take better care of him this time. He's kind of a big deal. Thanks.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Best. Phone Call. Ever.

So today M went down for an early nap and Hubs went to party with some friends of his (by party I mean he went to fix their computer), and I sat down with my Twilight DVD. I had not seen the movie yet, so I was having all kinds of 13 year old girl giddiness going on, even though I'm too old for that kind of thing. Whatever. Squee! I turn it on and my phone rings. I pause it and run to get the phone. It was my grandma. I completely shut the DVD off because these conversations are never short.

We talked about the normal stuff. She wanted all the dirt on M. I wanted all the dirt on her strawberry patch, etc. etc. (she grows the BEST strawberries in the history of the world ever). After awhile she got quiet. That's how she gets when she has something really important to say. So I said, "What's up, Gram? Do you need to talk about something?" And she said yes.

She said that she went to a bookstore the other day and bought a new book. And she loved it so much that she went out and bought the other books. I'm thinking Harlequins or something? So I said, "Gram, spit it out. Why are we talking about your book purchases?" And she said, "You're going to think I'm so silly." THAT'S RIGHT WORLD. MY GRAM IS A TWILIGHT LOVER! See she's embarrassed because she found them in the teen section. She said she got lost on the way to the cookbooks. ROFL. Anyway, she read Twilight and needed the other three books. She knows I love books, and read a lot of classics. She said, "Aren't you just embarrassed of me? I mean, these aren't the kind of books you read." I told her that I like the books too and we talked about them for awhile. So here it is. The things my Gram likes about Twilight:

- She is team.....Carlisle! She likes Carlisle because he's more "sophisticated."
- She thinks Jessica is "lewd" and "hateful"
- She likes that Edward drives a Volvo because it means he's responsible.
- She likes Jasper, but she thinks Emmett needs a spanking (lots of girls think that, Gram.)
- She said that Alice makes her tired and she needs to comb her hair (I love that she's seeing that in her head).
- She wonders if vampires wear underwear.

That was about the extent of our conversation. It was GREAT. Not just great, but Tony the Tiger GRREEEEEAAAAAAT! Gran, I know you'll never read this because you don't like the internets, but you seriously rock my world. Thanks for being my Twilight buddy.

I will write about my reflections on the Twilight DVD sometime soon.

Friday, March 20, 2009


Dear Big Jet on Little Einsteins:

You are a jerk. You need to stop picking on a bunch of toddlers and their tiny rocket and act like a grown up jet. I loathe you.

Dear Garmin GPS system in my car:

I'm sorry that you had a spastic freak out in the car today. I told you repeatedly that I didn't want to drive on the interstate, and you wouldn't listen to me. I'm sorry you had a cow in the car.

Dear Amazon:

Please stop sending me doubles of everything I order and then telling me that it's my fault. I may have made that mistake once, but I know I haven't made it for the last five orders.

Dear Guy who lived in our house before us:

Stop giving your old address to your creditors. I don't like getting calls from your debt collectors at 3am. Man up and talk to them yourself. Consolidate your debt and start paying it off. Running from it will only make it worse.

Dear Neighbor:

It is the first day of spring. March. Please take down your Christmas lights. Or at least stop turning them on every night.

Dear Lady at the gym:

Please wipe off the equipment if you sweat all over it. That is gross. Nobody wants to sit in your butt sweat.

Dear Trash guy:

Please stop putting the trash can in the middle of the driveway after you empty it and put it back beside the mailbox on the curb. If you put in the correct spot, I'll probably stop hitting with my car every week.

Dear Dishwasher:

Why did you spew soap all over the floor? Not cool.

Dear Friday:

I'm glad you're here. I'm looking forward to relaxing with Hubs and M this weekend.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Crafty Goodness

I made some more junk!

First, Hairbows and clips for M.

Purple flower:

Purple butterfly:

Other random bows:

And I made some cloth and felt food for the daughter of some friends of mine:

My favorites are the doughnuts:

And the pizza:

Although the apple slices and strawberries are pretty fabulous. :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

LOST recap

I caught the end of “Better off Ted” and there was a guy screaming like a girl. I think it probably has nothing on LOST. And oh my goodness! Bob Saget is coming back to Primetime.

Okay, yayayay! We get to see what happens on the plane and it’s the SAME SUSPENSFUL VIOLIN MUSIC as last time. I love Sayid’s “just get the crash over with” face.

Oh wow! They flew through the last time jump over the island! I love the pilot who was in Lawnmower Man. My brothers made me watch that movie when I was little. I was never the same about lawn work.

That runway has not always been there. Weren't they JUST building that when Kate and Sawyer were making whoopee in the bear cages? That means not everyone is in the same time.

Nobody panic. The pilot has pizza sauce all over his face. And the co-pilot has a tree growing out of his chest. Sucks for him.

That is the bluest jeep I have ever seen. What? I’m confused. Sawyer called Hurley by his name instead of a nickname. Does that mean he’s happy or that he’s having an aneurysm?

I’m so happy to see the cows that Sayid exploded are back.

Did anyone else notice that Paul Giamatti bad mood look-alike guy was watching the Muppet Show?

I don’t like nosy guy from the airport line. I hope Ben beats him with his hand stick.

I swear that jungle is what our yard looks like right now. We really need to mow.

Does Ben ever blink? I don't think I've ever seen him blink.

The baby’s name is ETHAN. I SO CALLED THAT ONE! I am doing my I got something right on LOST dance that I’ve only gotten to do twice before.

I am thinking I need a VW van. That thing rocks my socks.

That dude is mean to Jin. I don’t like him. Yay! Sayid and his purple shirt and manly chest hair is back! I really, really wanted Jin to wink at Sayid when he said the “say another word and you’re dead line.”

Intrigue. Faraday is gone? I’m so sad. Where is my sweet little Blinky McBlinkerson nerd fake husband?

I love Sun and she’s like beautiful infinity compared to me, but has anyone noticed that one of her nostrils is smaller than the other? I’m just saying. Even the most beautiful have flaws, people.

I jumped like I’d been shot when Sun hit Ben with the oar. HI-LARITY! Sun, I’m loving that you have some shenanigans going on this season. That’s why Ben was in the infirmary where Locke found him. He didn’t get hurt in the crash. Sun beat the crap out of him with an oar.

I can’t wait until “Knowing” comes out in the theater because then I won’t be subjected to commercials for it every two seconds of my life forever.

I really want nachos. Thanks Taco Bell ad execs.

I don’t know why, but people riding bicycles cracks me up. And the guy on the bike looked like Simon Pegg. And that reminded me of the opening scene in Hot Fuzz with Simon Pegg on a bike. And I laughed forever.

Juliet didn’t put Kate’s name on the manifest. What a witch with a B. They hate each other. You can slice the tension with a knife. Catfight! Woo woo!

Smokey is back! LOVE HIM! Holy crap. I thought that we accidentally switched the channel to a Friday the 13th movie there for a second. Nope! It’s just Christian/Jacob/ghost/mommy kidnapper. He’s so cryptic and creepy. I love him lots.

I’m still thinking Sun’s not in the same time as Jin. Yep, I’m right.

Woo. Jack just got his butt handed to him by Sawyer. I like it. I still think that Kate doesn’t deserve either of those men. She’s always jerking them around. I love Jack! I love Sawyer! I love Jack! I love Sawyer!

Aw! Little boy Ben. He’s just a creepy as grown up Ben. It must be a genetic creeptastic gene.

Preview! I don’t understand any of it except we may get to see the Juliet/Kate catfight next week. Seeing as I don’t like either of them, I hope they both lose.
Namaste, friends.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Attack of the Scary Pajamas

Last night none of my standard flannels were clean. All three pairs were in the dirty laundry because I was lazy and didn't do laundry yesterday. Sue me. Anyway, I had to figure out what to wear to bed. I FREEZE at night, so I have to have something warm to wear. I dug around and found these:

My mom got them for a few Christmases ago and I haven't worn them yet. So I threw them on and crawled into bed. Around 3:00 I woke up, really needing a drink of water. We have a full length mirror at the end of the hall way. When I'm walking back from the kitchen (all the lights are off), I see this floating in the mirror:

I skittered back into the kitchen and tried to catch my breath. I peeked back around the corner and saw nothing in the mirror. I stepped out and saw it again! Convinced I was hallucinating, I jumped back into my totally conspicuous hiding place to figure out what to do. This mysterious floaty thing in the mirror was between me and my room. More importantly, it was between me and Hubs and me and M. I dropped my head into my hands to think and realized what I was seeing.

MY MOM GOT ME FREAKING GLOW-IN-THE-DARK PANTS AND DIDN'T TELL ME! Wow. I lost 30 minutes of sleep because I was scared of my pants.

Edward vs. Jacob

Today I had lunch with a friend of mine who has just finished New Moon. Now she is Team Jacob. I'm still friends with her because I love my friends in spite of their flaws. We were enjoying our lunch. I was having Tortellini A La Pana and she was having a Calzone. M was eating chicken nuggets as usual. We were laughing it up like we were in an Olive Garden commercial or something. We weren't even discussing Twilight. When our laughing died down, she comes out with this: "I don't know how you can even like Edward. He's so controlling and abusive." uh UH! She did NOT just say that! So I told her WHY I love Edward and why Jacob makes me want to spit.

Edward isn't controlling. He's protective. He's had a century long dry spell, you'd expect that of him. Yes, he tries to keep her from seeing Jacob in Eclipse, but he later backs off on that and lets her see him, against his better judgment. He even admitted that keeping her from him was wrong because she can make her own decision. That whole situation goes to show that even though Edward goes overboard sometimes, all it takes is Bella standing up to him.

And he isn't abusive. I'm so tired of this accusation against my book boyfriend. It's usually spoken by people who haven't been in an abusive relationship. I'll use personal examples. Not once did I see Edward grabbing Bella by her hair and slamming her against the wall. I never saw him punching her in the stomach because it wouldn't leave a mark. I never saw him tell her she was worthless and unlovable. Never once did he hit her and tell her that she deserved it. And the one time he did actually bruise her, by accident, it took him forever to forgive himself, even though she had forgiven him from the beginning. He was afraid to even touch her after that. And he always, in their relationship, gave her the option to leave if she wanted. Abusive relationships are all about dominance. And Edward was protective, but he didn't assert dominance over Bella.

Jacob was more abusive than Edward. Because 1) He kissed her without her permission, even forcing the kiss on her after she refused him and continued the kiss even after she struggled against him. Then after she broke her hand punching his face in (something he rightfully deserved), he still taunted her boyfriend and tried to flirt with her. 2) He manipulated her emotions over and over again, hurting her over and over again, to try to get what he wanted. 3) He lied to her to manipulate her once again, using freaking SUICIDE as a weapon. He has more markers of an abusive person than Edward has.

I told my friend this and she just sat there dumbfounded for a second and said, "Well, I'm still Team Jacob." *Sigh* I tried, Edward. I really tried.

On a lighter note I'm SOOOOOO excited about the DVD release! I was at Wal-Mart today and they are having a costume contest Friday night. I thought that was hilarious. How do you dress like a Twilight character? What would your costume be?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Gym Wackos

I want to preface this by saying that I am an introvert in real life. People terrify me. So the fact that I'm even a member of a gym is completely crazy in and of itself. I get paranoid if a stranger looks at me for more than 3 seconds. If they start walking toward me to talk I start assessing items around me that I could use as defensive weapons. This stems from things that happened to me that were out of my control and I probably should have had therapy for, but never did. Instead I just have a nice big personal bubble and don't like it when anyone steps into it.

There are a lot of wackos at the gym. There is the old woman who hates me because I swim laps in the pool sometimes (I guess she thinks the pool is hers). Pool Wacko. There is that guy who still thinks he has to work out in Spandex. Hey dude, when I jump on the treadmill and start running, I'm running away from you. Spandex Wacko.

The worst, however, are the talkative wackos. I seem to run into them all the time. Last week there was the lady who was SCREAMING at me. I took my earbuds out to find out she wanted to talk about her dog and it's hysterectomy. Ooooookaaaaaaay. Then there was the guy who decided to tell me WHY it was important for men to do a prostate exam every month. Then he asked me if I was doing my monthly breast self exams (Always with the private parts, these people).

But the absolute worst was today. I went to the gym early this morning, like always. I like to get there before 6:00, because that's when it starts filling up. I was already finished with my workout and in the showers by 5:45. Now, taking a shower at the gym is nasty and I rarely do it, but I wanted to save time before church this morning. It was faster to shower at the gym, then when I got home I could focus all my attention on M. So I was hurrying, obviously, to get out of the retch-inducing environment as quickly as possible. About halfway through lathering my hair, someone KNOCKS on my stall door. What do you say in this situation? Here's what I said,"Um...Hello?...Um..Occupied?" The woman said,"I know! I just felt like talking!" I'm a morning person, but I'm a quiet morning person. It was 5:45 in the morning and this woman already sounded like she was vomiting sunshine. She proceeds to lean on the shower door and talk the ENTIRE TIME I was in the shower. And it doesn't end there! When I was finished, it was obvious that chatty Cathy was still standing outside so I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself before getting out of the stall. That's when I notice that she's just standing there butt-naked. I know people walk around naked in the locker room. I'm not one of them, but more power to you. But you don't sit around and socialize, with a complete stranger, in your birthday suit. I gave her a quick smile and took my bag out of my locker and into the changing room. When I came out, she was still standing there, smiling, all naked and stuff. Sitting on a bench, naked, and leaning on my locker, again, naked. And she was STILL TALKING. It was ridiculous. I finally told her that I had to go, my baby would be awake soon, and she tried to hug me goodbye. At that point I just ran out of the locker room. It will be a long, long time before I take a shower at the gym again, or even use the locker room. I am still shuddering.

Friday, March 13, 2009

New Friend!

I have a new friend. Actually, Templeton and Peregrin have a new friend.

He's "weathered" looking so he'll fit right in with my poor, neglected little guys. I thought if I bought a new gnome who looked all shiny and well taken care of that my neglected gnomes might be insanely jealous and I'd have a case of gnomicide on my hands. So I bought him, looking pretty much like your average Santa hobo, because I thought they'd all get along merrily together. I love how he's stroking his beard. It's as if he's saying, "Why yes, Sara, everything you say is brilliant." Or he's making me an offer I can't refuse. Either way it's win win. Hubs noticed him as soon as he got home from work because the little guy was sitting in his chair watching "Bride and Prejudice" (yes, it's the second mention this week. I rented it from the library. M loves the colors and dancing and I about bust a gut every time I see Sayid breaking it down in his hammer pants, so it's been in the DVD player pretty much all week).

Anyway, Hubs asked me, actually told me that if I insisted on having yet another gnome that I at least needed to give him a non-girly name. That's because whenever someone comes to the door (the mailman, a kid trying to sell me candy bars, our pastor) and mentions the gnomes I blurt out their names because I just can't help myself. I was offended, though, that he thought Peregrin and Templeton are girly names. Peregrin is the name of a BOY hobbit in Lord of the Rings and Templeton is just a last name I saw in the phone book. So I thought long and hard about a non-girly name and then I decided on....drumroll...Twinklebottom.

I think he concurs.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Whoops! Forgot Richard!

Richard is everyone's favorite Max Factor spokesperson. I love how the others look like a bunch of hobos and Richard struts out of the woods in his fresh button down and pressed khakis. And when Richard gets mad, watch out! He may just march into your camp and sit down on a bench.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

LOST Recap - kind of

So I don’t have a LOST recap for the week because ABC is lame and didn’t show an episode this week. So I decided to carry on the LOST Wednesday post by talking about what I think of the characters. I’m only doing current main characters because of length and but I’ll touch on a few of the dead characters. I’m doing this off the top of my head, so I may miss some characters, but these are the ones I think are on the show the most.

Sayid – I know a lot of ladies are luvin them some Sayid, but dude scares me to death. He’s so in-your-face-fixing-radios-and-shoving-bamboo-shoots-under-your-fingernails-for-asthma-medication. It’s scary. I know they tried to show his softer side with Shannon, but I didn’t like Shannon that much so I didn’t really care about their relationship. And the whole time he was shacking up with Shannon he was still carrying a torch for Nadia. That’s bad form, Sayid. He has mad dancing skills, though. If you don't believe me go rent Bride and Prejudice and see for yourself. And his curly hair is so beautiful and it’s better than my stick straight hair and I am so insanely jealous of it that I’m going to write a huge run-on sentence about it.

Jack – I didn’t like Jack much in the first few seasons because he was a huge load. I mean, he cried more than anyone on the island. And I understand that crashing on the island was upsetting. Crap, crashing on a normal island would suck to infinity, but they crashed in a combination of Land Before Time, Fantasy Island, and the core of a Flux Capacitor. That sucks even more than infinity. That sucks infinity squared. But no one cried as much as Jack. I’ve liked him better in the last few seasons, but he’s still too emotional for me. And really, Kate’s not all that and a bag of chips (I haven’t said that in years).

– IS MY FAVE! Okay, he’s one of them. He’s got a huge heart, he got the girl, even though she got shot like 5 seconds later, he can see dead people (and he’s way less whiny about it than the Sixth Sense kid), he won the freaking lottery, and he’s so hard core that not only does he cook his Hot Pockets without a plate or the crisping sleeve, he can fling it with semi-good accuracy without burning his hand. Hurley, you are my hero.

– Okay, Sawyer is good eye candy. I’m not in love with him or anything, but he is fair to look upon. I do not like that he’s with smirk face now in the future/past. That was a bad decision. I do like that he likes books. After he got finished calling me a variety of demeaning nicknames we could probably have a nice intellectual discussion about the symbolism in Watership Down.

– is a drunk driver in real life, but this is about the characters, not the actors. He was way overprotective of Sun in the beginning, but he came around after she strutted her stuff in her bikini. I guess he realized she was fine and she could either be fine with him or without him and he decided to win her back. I like him, but I don’t know much about him because he only speaks in two word sentences and looks confused most of the time.

Sun – I used to like her because she reminded me of my Aunt Cathy. She was soft-spoken and sweet and grew weird things in her garden that would make you feel better. Then she left the island and became vigilante Sun and now I’m scared to be alone with my Aunt.

– I don’t like Kate much. She’s so fickle about men and mean to them and manipulative. And she runs around in her underwear way too much.

– is bald. I dig that.

– I’m sooooo glad she’s been dead/missing this season. I was so tired of her and how she always called Aaron “my baby” instead of Aaron. “Don’t touch my baby!” “This is my baby!” “I’m worried about my baby!” Hubs and I started having a contest with it. Every time she yelled “my baby” we would see who could say, “Maybe the dingo ate your baby!” first. Whoever lost had to buy the other one a coke. I got incredibly fat from that game because I almost always won and she said it about ten times an episode.

Ben Linus
– LOVE HIM! He’s my favorite evil mastermind in the world forever! Except the whole strangling Locke thing was not cool.

Tom- AKA Weirdbeard. I loved him and his funky fake beard.

– is the one I would marry if I wasn’t already married and Desmond was a real person and not a character on a confusing television show.


Faraday – I have a thing for nerds. I like him even though he’s a mouth-breather. I just wish he’d get with the program and take his tie off because it’s driving me nuts.

Christian – I don’t have an opinion on him because I have no idea if he’s even real.

Boone – Okay, I know Boone’s been gone for awhile, but I wanted to mention him because I really liked him. He just seemed a lot like me. So eager to help, but so clumsy that when he’s running through the jungle he falls and almost stabs himself with a huge stick. That’s just who I am. I’m the clumsy nut who’s trying to make a difference in the world and usually failing spectacularly at it.

This one was for you, Michele. ;) I know you’re missing your LOST this week.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Better Day Today

Well, I'm recovering from my dirt day yesterday. M got some new shoes today and they're so cute and sparkly that I couldn't help but smile! Today's going to be a random post about stuff that made me happier than yesterday.

First thing:
My dandies are blooming! Only these are the rogue ones that are growing in the ditch for some reason so they won't last long. I'll probably go pick them tomorrow and put them on the table.

The next one made me smile and then gag at my thoughtlessness.

These dashing gentlemen are Peregrin and Templeton, my garden gnomes (Yes I named them. Shut up). I usually take them out of the flowerbed when it starts getting cold but I forgot! And then the leaves covered them. We leave the leaves in the flowerbed through the winter because I'm convinced that it's good for the soil. Today the wind blew the leaves off the flowerbed and OH NOES! I forgot to take care of my little guys and they are looking worse for the wear. I guess I'll have to buy them a little friend to make it up to them. The Hubs will LOVE that!

The last thing is that I bought the fabric to make M's summer clothes. I wasn't going to make all of her clothes, but since I lost my job it will save us a lot of money if I make her clothes instead of buying them. So this is the fabric for sundresses, tank tops, and capri's; everything but a couple of pairs of shorts.

Monday, March 9, 2009

And the day just gets better...

I lost my work at home job today.

I'm apparently lazy...

I'm getting more and more irritated with people who think that just because I'm a work at home mom that I have all the time in the world to do things for them.

First example: Someone at my church asked me to do a really big project that would take hours and hours of work. I turned them down because I didn't think it was right to take that time away from M. I chose to stay at home and take care of her. Not ignore her while I worked on projects. The person got really upset and murmured something along the lines of, "it's not like you do anything all day." Okay, Sara, deep breath. Maybe XXX is having a bad day and she didn't really mean it. Just be polite and firm.

Second example: Some friends invited us out to a fancy restaurant in town a couple of weekends from now. We decided to go, found a babysitter for M, and told them yes. Today I get this e-mail, "You need to call the restaurant and make our reservation for 5:15. I would do it, but I have a job." I made the reservation but called her on the comment. This is the reply I got, "Come on. We all know that I work more than you. You probably sit on your couch 90% of your day watching TV. You have time to make a phone call." I did make a phone call. I canceled the reservation. And my feelings are beyond hurt.

Why do people assume that stay at home moms are lazy? You know what I watched on TV today? Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while M ate breakfast. And I wasn't really watching. I was folding laundry. Surely that doesn't count as recreational television. The rest of the day the TV is off. I can't remember the last time I took a nap. I get up at 4:45 every morning at go to bed after 10 every night. Is that lazy? I don't understand people at all. It makes me not want to associate with anyone. I'm losing all faith in humanity.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


1. I love the Twilight series. That's not the confession. The confession is that I haven't gone to see the movie. I know.

Right? The truth is the holidays consumed me and then I got sick, then M got sick, then I got sick again and I never got to the theater to see it. And I don't like girl above because she smokes pot on her front step like a moron and she constantly bites the hand that feeds her. That being said, I will buy my copy this month and probably squeal like a fangirl all the way through it and then spend hours laughing at it's cheesiness. I'm ashamed to be a fan who did not see the movie on the big screen.

2. I'm addicted to LOLCatz. I got addicted when I was on bedrest. I have over 200 saved on my computer. This one is my favorite. For right now (from icanhascheezburger.com).

When Hubs was moving my files over to my new superawesome laptop he asked me why I had a filed labeled "LOL." I told him it was an important private file.

3. When babychild and I go to the park, I have more fun on the swings and slide than she does.

4. Orange Skittles are my favorite candy. Hubs and I decided recently that we're too wasteful so we're trying to be more mindful of how we use things. I don't buy Skittles anymore because I can't justify buying a whole bag just for the orange ones. I miss skittles. :-(

5. I like classic literature and Twilight, but when I really need to just space out and read absolute fluff, I crack out my old Babysitter's Club Books. I keep them in stacks of ten under my bed.

6. I run on the track at the gym because the old ladies on the treadmills can run faster than me and it makes me self-conscious.

7. I'm terrified of carnies and bugs.

8. I still have nightmares (and daymares) about being bullied in high school. I'm still terrified and completely un-trusting of people, which is probably why I don't have many real life friends. Some stuff never leaves.

9. I want to quit my work at home job and start my own business, but I'm too afraid to with the economy the way that it is.

10. I like to challenge people to dance-offs when we have an argument. I always lose the dance-off.

No judgment here! Leave your confessions in the comments if you need to get something off your chest.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

New Life

We have new life in our house this weekend. Last week I planted the seeds in my "greenhouse" for our spring garden and they're already sprouting!

Here's my new broccoli:

And here is a morning glory:

I'm so excited! I just hope it's warm enough to plant them soon because they will outgrow the greenhouse box quickly. I love my garden.

Friday, March 6, 2009


Hubs is home! And he's exhausted. And I'm exhausted because I've had a kid clinging to me like a spidermonkey (but a cuter spidermonkey than Kristen Stewart) for the past three days. But he's home so there is great celebration in our land!

My day was awesome x infinity. Babycakes and I went to some yard sales this morning and I got an awesome Fat Albert t-shirt. Then we went to the grocery store and they were having a sale on red seedless grapes, my fave! And I remembered to buy bananas.

Some big butt Hummers parked on either side of me and tried to harsh my happy sunrays but I'm just going to tuck them away and maybe rant about them at a later date.

Then M and I came home to frost some cupcakes. I decided to do milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate because my spiders were dark chocolate and they would have blended in. They turned out cute and Hubs was super happy to see them:

This one is my favorite:

This one looks more like a tick:

And this one reminds me of that scorpion that crawled in my bed that one time to party with me when I was in New Mexico. I'm not sure why, it just does. It reminded me enough that I stayed far far away from it:

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Something smells good....

I decided to bake some cupcakes for the Hubs to surprise him when he comes home in the morning. I made his favorite, devil's food!

I noticed while they were baking that I need to get new bananas, but that's beside the point.

I decided that I would make candy to put on the cupcakes after I frosted them, but what kind of candy?? I decided on spiders to commemorate my epic battle this morning.

Here is the alive spider:

And here is the spider after our battle:

I'm so excited! I've never made spiders before. I'm going to frost the cupcakes with whipped dark chocolate frosting in the morning and then add the candy. I'll post pictures of them so you can see the finished product!

An Epic Battle

So this morning I wake up to Little Miss M saying, "Buh! Buh!" She was sleeping in my room since Hubs in gone. I really didn't think much of it because she says Buh about everything. So I took my time waking up. When I opened my eyes there was a HUGE spider hanging off the ceiling right in my face. I didn't take a picture of it because I was too busy locked in an epic battle with it that involved the phone, the TV remote, a book, and a baseball bat. Here is an artist representation where I show off my mad Paint skillz:

Anyway, we were locked in battle for quite some time with breaks for meals and snacks and such. After hours of this, I finally triumphed over the evil spider. I plan on sharing this story with Hubs as an example of why he shouldn't go out of town. My other visual aid will be the dent in the wall where I hit it with the baseball bat.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Lost Recap

Sawyer with no shirt! Yay! This is going to be a good show. I can tell already.

Good grief, how long are these previews? Is LOST turning into The Biggest Loser?

I'm sorry. I tried to love Juliet, but her perma- smirk makes me want to slap her in the face with a boar hide.

WooHoo! Four toed statue makes an appearance. Well, four-toed statue’s butt makes an appearance.

I really really wish they would stop showing Locke's sticky-out leg bone. We get that your makeup people are awesome.

The spiky guy from X-Men got a migraine from the flash of light. Dude. Man up. What a load. Come talk to me when you have a real migraine. When the sound of the central kicking on slices through your skull like a butcher knife or when light touches your eyelids and you feel like your head is going to explode. Pansy.

Wow, Jin reminds me of my toddler. Last week he was speaking one word English dialogue. Now all of the sudden he's saying two word sentences like "Now What."

Oooooo sexy Dharma dancing. Hootenanny! My word of the day!

Oh, Horace! You and your dynamite flinging rages. Always full of the shenanigans, that Horace. SAWYER!!!!! He's a Dharma Bum (Kerouac reference)!

I am not a fan of the Cialis ads with the elderly people. Everyone has a right to do their thing, but I don't want to see commercials about it. And that woman's bracelet is huge.

Wow. He obliterated that tree. For a drunk guy, Horace has good aim with a stick of dynamite. Of course a blind person would probably have good aim with a stick of dynamite.

Sawyer is so big and strong. And dirty. Wait a minute. That's a pregnant woman. On the island. I thought that wasn't a possibility. It’s like that Sesame Street song, “One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong.” So what happened between 1974 and now that causes women to be unable to be pregnant on the island? Interesting. And a BOY. Who could it be? My guess is Ethan.

Three years Earlier: I feel sorry for Daniel. Someone needs to tell him that even nerds get a second chance at love. I'm living proof of that.

I wish Daniel would take his tie off. It's driving me nuts. You're stranded on an island. Take your tie off.

Sawyer is bulletproof! AHHHH YEAHHHH!

Sweet! Dancing with the Stars is coming back on. I don’t know why I care because I don’t watch that show.

Sawyer’s hair doesn’t have as much volume since they joined Dharma. Is that the horrible thing that Dharma does to you? They steal the volume from your hair? Not cool, Dharma.

Please don’t tell me that Juliet is going to get together with Sawyer. As I’ve said before, the girl is like the village bicycle.

Sawyer is smoooooth with his lies. Bringing up the Black Rock. Sweet.

It was pretty sweet (sweet in the awwwww way, not the awesome way) when Daniel caught his glimpse of little girl Charlotte. Too bad he’s going to scare the crap out of her soon and be forever burned into her memory as the “mean man.”

Richard is back and his eyeliner is looking better than ever. He needs to give me some tips because my liquid line never looks that good. Haha! Sawyer acknowledged the eyeliner.

Horace has lovely flowing locks like an Irish setter or a guy on a trashy romance novel. He also makes me think of the Muppets.

Sawyer looks happy with his new Dharma life. And that is the biggest daisy I have ever seen. EwEwEw. They got together. Gross. Yuck. Make it stop before I have to get the brain bleach.

Oh my goodness. Horace tried to cover up the fact that he was going to wear girl socks by blaming it on Paul’s necklace. Haha! Horace wears girl socks.

Sawyer forgot what Kate looks like. That’s kind of sad.

Grossewnotagain! BLECHBLECH. I can’t stand Juliet.

That was the call! Jin found them! Wooooo. Enchanted moments!!


Two weeks?? WHAT? NOT COOL ABC.

Hmmm…I don’t have any real speculation on this episode. I didn’t see many “answers” or questions. Like I said before, I think the baby may be Ethan. My phone-a-friend is telling me that it’s Ben, but we saw Ben come to the island when he was a child.

We got to see the four-toed statue and it didn’t give us many clues to its origin except that the people who carved it like for their statues to have “perky patooties,” to steal from the Old Navy ad.

What did the other people who watched it think? Share in the comments. Maybe you caught something I missed. I am hopped up on sinus meds and may have missed something important.