Gym Wackos

I want to preface this by saying that I am an introvert in real life. People terrify me. So the fact that I'm even a member of a gym is completely crazy in and of itself. I get paranoid if a stranger looks at me for more than 3 seconds. If they start walking toward me to talk I start assessing items around me that I could use as defensive weapons. This stems from things that happened to me that were out of my control and I probably should have had therapy for, but never did. Instead I just have a nice big personal bubble and don't like it when anyone steps into it.

There are a lot of wackos at the gym. There is the old woman who hates me because I swim laps in the pool sometimes (I guess she thinks the pool is hers). Pool Wacko. There is that guy who still thinks he has to work out in Spandex. Hey dude, when I jump on the treadmill and start running, I'm running away from you. Spandex Wacko.

The worst, however, are the talkative wackos. I seem to run into them all the time. Last week there was the lady who was SCREAMING at me. I took my earbuds out to find out she wanted to talk about her dog and it's hysterectomy. Ooooookaaaaaaay. Then there was the guy who decided to tell me WHY it was important for men to do a prostate exam every month. Then he asked me if I was doing my monthly breast self exams (Always with the private parts, these people).

But the absolute worst was today. I went to the gym early this morning, like always. I like to get there before 6:00, because that's when it starts filling up. I was already finished with my workout and in the showers by 5:45. Now, taking a shower at the gym is nasty and I rarely do it, but I wanted to save time before church this morning. It was faster to shower at the gym, then when I got home I could focus all my attention on M. So I was hurrying, obviously, to get out of the retch-inducing environment as quickly as possible. About halfway through lathering my hair, someone KNOCKS on my stall door. What do you say in this situation? Here's what I said,"Um...Hello?...Um..Occupied?" The woman said,"I know! I just felt like talking!" I'm a morning person, but I'm a quiet morning person. It was 5:45 in the morning and this woman already sounded like she was vomiting sunshine. She proceeds to lean on the shower door and talk the ENTIRE TIME I was in the shower. And it doesn't end there! When I was finished, it was obvious that chatty Cathy was still standing outside so I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself before getting out of the stall. That's when I notice that she's just standing there butt-naked. I know people walk around naked in the locker room. I'm not one of them, but more power to you. But you don't sit around and socialize, with a complete stranger, in your birthday suit. I gave her a quick smile and took my bag out of my locker and into the changing room. When I came out, she was still standing there, smiling, all naked and stuff. Sitting on a bench, naked, and leaning on my locker, again, naked. And she was STILL TALKING. It was ridiculous. I finally told her that I had to go, my baby would be awake soon, and she tried to hug me goodbye. At that point I just ran out of the locker room. It will be a long, long time before I take a shower at the gym again, or even use the locker room. I am still shuddering.