LOST Recap - kind of

So I don’t have a LOST recap for the week because ABC is lame and didn’t show an episode this week. So I decided to carry on the LOST Wednesday post by talking about what I think of the characters. I’m only doing current main characters because of length and but I’ll touch on a few of the dead characters. I’m doing this off the top of my head, so I may miss some characters, but these are the ones I think are on the show the most.

Sayid – I know a lot of ladies are luvin them some Sayid, but dude scares me to death. He’s so in-your-face-fixing-radios-and-shoving-bamboo-shoots-under-your-fingernails-for-asthma-medication. It’s scary. I know they tried to show his softer side with Shannon, but I didn’t like Shannon that much so I didn’t really care about their relationship. And the whole time he was shacking up with Shannon he was still carrying a torch for Nadia. That’s bad form, Sayid. He has mad dancing skills, though. If you don't believe me go rent Bride and Prejudice and see for yourself. And his curly hair is so beautiful and it’s better than my stick straight hair and I am so insanely jealous of it that I’m going to write a huge run-on sentence about it.

Jack – I didn’t like Jack much in the first few seasons because he was a huge load. I mean, he cried more than anyone on the island. And I understand that crashing on the island was upsetting. Crap, crashing on a normal island would suck to infinity, but they crashed in a combination of Land Before Time, Fantasy Island, and the core of a Flux Capacitor. That sucks even more than infinity. That sucks infinity squared. But no one cried as much as Jack. I’ve liked him better in the last few seasons, but he’s still too emotional for me. And really, Kate’s not all that and a bag of chips (I haven’t said that in years).

Hurley – IS MY FAVE! Okay, he’s one of them. He’s got a huge heart, he got the girl, even though she got shot like 5 seconds later, he can see dead people (and he’s way less whiny about it than the Sixth Sense kid), he won the freaking lottery, and he’s so hard core that not only does he cook his Hot Pockets without a plate or the crisping sleeve, he can fling it with semi-good accuracy without burning his hand. Hurley, you are my hero.

Sawyer – Okay, Sawyer is good eye candy. I’m not in love with him or anything, but he is fair to look upon. I do not like that he’s with smirk face now in the future/past. That was a bad decision. I do like that he likes books. After he got finished calling me a variety of demeaning nicknames we could probably have a nice intellectual discussion about the symbolism in Watership Down.

Jin – is a drunk driver in real life, but this is about the characters, not the actors. He was way overprotective of Sun in the beginning, but he came around after she strutted her stuff in her bikini. I guess he realized she was fine and she could either be fine with him or without him and he decided to win her back. I like him, but I don’t know much about him because he only speaks in two word sentences and looks confused most of the time.

Sun – I used to like her because she reminded me of my Aunt Cathy. She was soft-spoken and sweet and grew weird things in her garden that would make you feel better. Then she left the island and became vigilante Sun and now I’m scared to be alone with my Aunt.

Kate – I don’t like Kate much. She’s so fickle about men and mean to them and manipulative. And she runs around in her underwear way too much.

Locke – is bald. I dig that.

Claire – I’m sooooo glad she’s been dead/missing this season. I was so tired of her and how she always called Aaron “my baby” instead of Aaron. “Don’t touch my baby!” “This is my baby!” “I’m worried about my baby!” Hubs and I started having a contest with it. Every time she yelled “my baby” we would see who could say, “Maybe the dingo ate your baby!” first. Whoever lost had to buy the other one a coke. I got incredibly fat from that game because I almost always won and she said it about ten times an episode.

Ben Linus – LOVE HIM! He’s my favorite evil mastermind in the world forever! Except the whole strangling Locke thing was not cool.

Tom- AKA Weirdbeard. I loved him and his funky fake beard.

Desmond – is the one I would marry if I wasn’t already married and Desmond was a real person and not a character on a confusing television show.

Juliet – BARF

Faraday – I have a thing for nerds. I like him even though he’s a mouth-breather. I just wish he’d get with the program and take his tie off because it’s driving me nuts.

Christian – I don’t have an opinion on him because I have no idea if he’s even real.

Boone – Okay, I know Boone’s been gone for awhile, but I wanted to mention him because I really liked him. He just seemed a lot like me. So eager to help, but so clumsy that when he’s running through the jungle he falls and almost stabs himself with a huge stick. That’s just who I am. I’m the clumsy nut who’s trying to make a difference in the world and usually failing spectacularly at it.

This one was for you, Michele. ;) I know you’re missing your LOST this week.