Sunday, February 28, 2010

Yeah, I'm kind of a spazz

I dropped my keys tonight. Behind the refrigerator. I know, right? I don't know how I did it either. My poor husband is the most patient man alive. I'm convinced he lost a bet and that's why he's married to me.

30 things

I turned 30 this month. That's right. I'm a geezer now. I was actually excited about it. When you have a heart that doesn't beat the way it's supposed to 80% of the time, birthdays are a big deal.

Thing is, 30 has not been kind to me so far. We got in a fender bender. Someone ran over our mailbox (again). I found out that the reason I've been so depressed lately, had unbelievable insomnia and the reason that my hair is falling out is because my thyroid medication is off by 35 mcg, and we're having insurance troubles as far as getting them to give me my new dosage. M and I have had a stomach virus for the past week, and so on so forth. It's nothing really big, but just a bunch of little annoyances that tend to wear you down, you know? So I decided today that I am going to write out 30 things that I've loved since I turned 30. 30 things. Here goes:

1. I love that LOST came back on. I will miss it when it's gone after this season.

2. I love the Olympics. I'm not usually a sports person, but I will watch the Olympics with fervor. Any and all events from cross country skiing to curling to hockey. I love it. And, as Morgan Freeman is reminding me RIGHT NOW, I could use my Visa card this month and win a trip to the Olympics for the rest of my life. Awesome.

3. I made a new friend and I love her. She has three beautiful children. We have a playdate every Monday morning now. Tomorrow it is at her house and I'm surprising her with asiago bagels from Panera, her favorite.

4. I love that this week on The Office Jim and Pam are having their baby.

5. I love that Hubs took my birthday off from work and brought me flowers, kept M for the day so I could go shopping without a stroller and a diaper bag, then took me to dinner at PF Changs aka the best restaurant on the face of the planet.

7. I love that one of the first kids I taught in preschool at church got to stand up in front of the church today and talk about the change he's making in his classroom, his school, and his community. I thought my heart would burst.

8. I love the new clothes I've made for M's princess dolls, and that I have a good sewing machine so I can make things for her.

9. I love that I have a hubs who's willing to dance around in the living room with a tutu on his head just to make his daughter laugh.

10. I love that my friend who has been trying to have a baby for MONTHS is finally pregnant and I can be excited with her.

11. I love that Hubs fills my car with gas for me so I don't have to.

12. I love that M wanted to buy the people at the library stickers, because they're always giving stickers to her.

13. I love that Hubs got me a cast iron skillet for my birthday, and I love cooking him dinner in it.

14. I love that I can fit back into my "college jeans."

15. I love playing snowball fight on WiiFit plus (another birthday present).

16. I love that my mother-in-law got me three awesome scrabble tile necklaces from etsy for my birthday.

17. I love that M tells me that I'm "still the prettiest." I guess she means even though I'm old. That's what I'm going to tell myself.

18. I love that Hubs and I still sit under his grandmother's faded quilt on the couch, drinking hot cocoa, and watching Office reruns together.

19. I love that he tries to sit up with me when I have insomnia, even though I eventually nag him into going to bed.

20. I love that my friend told me that Mr. Clean magic erasers will clean soap scum out of the tub. Werd.

21. I love that even though it's still bitterly cold here the sun has been shining for the last few days.

22. I love the little chipmunk who has taken up residence in our flowerbed.

23. I love that I have a daughter who apologizes to people when she steps on their feet by accident.

24. I love that Hubs bought a new trash can for the kitchen without my asking. I hadn't even told him yet that the latch on the old one was broken.

25. I love the fact that Glee is coming back on soon.

26. I love that my new friend gave me her recipe for Honey Wheat bread, and that it's baking now and making my house smell good.

27. I love that M gave me the nickname "Big Bird" and Hubs got stuck with "Snuffleupagus."

28. I love that my birthday was on the 8th, but my birthday balloon still has air in it.

29. I love that Hubs is letting me get a new couch. Our current one is falling apart.

30. I love that I have a blog where I can put my thoughts out there, even if there aren't many people reading them. I thank the ones who do read them. :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

LOST recap

Recaps are of everyone landing in LA, and the loss of Christian. Temple, blah blah.

Fake Reality: Pictures of Jack and Christian, Jack shirtless - meh. He notices his scar, the one he got from the plane crash? and seems confused. Jack's mom calls asking about Christian's body. Jack promises to come over and help her. Oh, turns out it's an appendix scar, but he doesn't really remember having his appendix out. Jack goes to a school and picks up HIS SON, DAVID!

Back on the island Jack is standing at the temple, staring at the creek when Dogan or whatever his name is comes up and tells him he can't leave the temple. Dogan asks if Kate's coming back. Jack says no and Dogan cries. Actually, he doesn't. I like him. Miles and Hurley are play giant tic-tac-toe. Hurley gets the munchies and goes to the hot tub and ask a random guy where the kitchen is. Random guy is Jacob. Jacob needs his help. He wants Hurley to help someone find the island.

David is an angsty little devil. It's probably because he's embarrassed because his dad cries all.the.time. David doesn't want to talk to his dad. He just wants to do his thing. He starts eating some Milano cookies, which rock, while Jack talks to his mom on the phone again. Jack is not loving the rift between him and his son.

Jack and Sayid are lounging by the creek. Sayid asks why everyone is staring at him and Jack says, "Because you're hotter than me." and Sayid says, "You betcha." Jack tells Sayid that the temple people want to kill him.

Rambo Claire stomps down the ridge and she's pissed. She removes Jin's very bloody foot from the trap. Claire says she's been here for the past 3 years. She tells Jin to get up and walk on his bloody leg and stop being a pansy. He faints.

Hurley has Jacobs message written on his arm and is walking through the temple looking at hieroglyphics. Dogan yells at him. Hurley tells Dogan he's a "big fan of temples." LOL! Jacob tells Hurley to say he's a candidate and he can do what he wants. Then he suggests that Dogan go back to the courtyard. Hurley's pissed because Jacob made him lie to a samurai. Jacob's pissed because Hurley didn't bring Jack. Hurley goes out to get Jack. Jack won't go with him, but Hurley says to tell him that Jack "has what it takes." Jack says to take him to Jacob now. He may have said stat. He is a doctor.

Jin wakes up in Claire's shanty. She really is Danielle. She's a crazy jungle cat lady and she has a cradle with an "arts and craft hour" Martha Stewart baby in it. She kidnapped the nice temple guard and ties him up to question him about Aaron. She goes to get some stuff to clean Jin's leg. Nice guard tells Jin that Claire will kill them both. Jin's not buying it.

Hurley and Jack are out in the jungle. Jack sees a backpack on a rock and then sees Kate getting water out of the creek. Kate tries to shoot him, then realizes that Jacks a man and she decides to flirt with him instead. Kate tells of her plan to find Claire and Jack tells her that something's wrong with Claire. Kate runs off into the jungle.

Fake reality: Jack and pessimist mom are looking for Christian's will. She pours herself a stiff drink. She looks very face-lifty. Jack is apparently not a heavy drinker in this life. Good for him. Mama Shepherd finds the will and reads it. He finds out about Claire from the will.

Out at the fire, Claire is preparing to chop off Jin's foot, it seems. Baldguard is trying to convince him to untie him. She apologizes about her trap. She starts stitching Jin up and I puke a little. She talks about the hard knock life of living in a jungle while they party in a temple with a hot tub and giant tic-tac-toe all day. She says she's spoken to her father and her friend. She asks if Jin is still her friend. She finishes stitching him up and it's G-R-O-S-S. She gets her axe and turns to question Mr. Clean.

Hurley and Jack are still trekking through the forest. Hurley asks why Jack isn't giving in to Kate's wiles. Jack steps on Shannon's inhaler and they realize they're at the caves. Hurley is being philosophical about the skeletons. Jack is having a Hallmark moment and doesn't listen to Hurley, then admits that he was chasing the ghost of his dead father when he found the caves.

Fakereality: Jack's back and brought David some pizza, but David is AWOL. Jack is angry. He calls David's cell and begs him to call back. He goes to David's mother's house to see if David's there. He's not in his room. Jack snoops around and realizes that David's into classical music and cheesy pictures of Jack. There's a message on his machine and it's some lady telling David that he has a slot that night at 7:00. Jack hears his own message and gets all teary (shocker), then jots down the info from the first call and jets.

Hurley asks Jack why he came back to the island. Jack asks him why he came back and Hurley tells him about Jacob approaching him in the cab. Jack laughs and then explains that he came back because he was broken and stupid enough to think the island could fix him. They keep walking. They find a big freaking Rapunzel lighthouse. Jack asks the obvious "WHY IN THE HADES HAVEN'T WE SEEN THIS BEFORE?" Hurley says because they weren't looking for it.

Claire's still interrogating Mr. Clean. They did the test on Claire in the temple. Claire's going to hack him up but Jin stops her and tells her that Kate took Aaron. Mr Clean promises to keep his mouth shut if she'll just let hi go. She cries and then kills him because she's a hard core jungle lady now. Man! She hacked him right in the pancreas!

At the lighthouse Hurley reveals that they have to turn on the lighthouse. Jack kicks open the door. Who needs a samurai?

Fakereality: Jack arrives at David's piano audition. David is tearing it up on the piano. Jack is awe, as am I . Boy can play. Another Hallmark moment for Jack. I think he's cried more in this episode than he has in the entire series. David looks pissed at himself and bows. A little boy tells Jack that David is really good. The little boy's dad is Dogan! I'm starting to love fakereality. Dogan's got a pretty ponytail and he is interested in David's gift. Jack admits that he doesn't know how long David's been playing piano.

Hurley and Jack reach the top of the lighthouse. Jack asks where Jacob is and Hurley says he's not here yet. He starts to light up the lighthouse by twisting it around to 108 degrees. Jack sees all kinds of buildings reflected in the mirror. Jack is freaking out. Did he eat some rotten berries or something? All of their names are on the light house along with their numbers. Jack freaks and puts the mirror on his name. He sees the reflection of his family home. Jack's having a major freak out. Jack wants Hurley to summon Jacob and tell him why Jacob's been watching them. Jack freaks and breaks the lighthouse because he's and IDIOT with PMS.

Fakereality: David is leaving the concert. He's unlocking his bike and Jack sneaks up on him to tell him he was awesome, because he was. He tells David that he scared him. David said he made his mom promise not to tell him that he was still playing because he was suffocating. David says he didn't tell Jack where he was going because he didn't want Jack to see him fail. Jack and David bond over bad parenting.

Jack is staring at the ocean and wondering about his 28 years of bad luck. Jacob shows up. Hurley yells at him that Jack broke his lighthouse. Jacob tells him that he has ink on his forehead. Jacob explains that he wanted Jack to see what was in the mirror. Jacob tells Hurley that seeing his family home in the mirror would help him find himself. Jacob says that Jack needs to stare at the ocean for awhile. Jacob says that he did it to get the away from the temple because DarthLocke is about the storm the stronghold. He did it to save them.

Claire asks Jin about Kate and Aaron. Jin says he was lying to save Mr. Clean's life. He tells Claire that Aaron is at the temple and she has to take him there. He offers to take her through the secret passage. Claire said that if Kate was raising Aaron then she'd kill her, because she's such a hussy. DarthLocke strolls up to the shanty and Claire introduces him as "her friend."

Voiceover guy promises questions will be answered next week. Sweet. Theories in the comments, people.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

LOST recap

After the recaps we’re taken to Pleasantville where Locke squared lives in fake reality. For a second I thought he was going to fall out of his van. Wait, I was right. Man. I feel so bad for crippled Locke everytime I see him. When it rains it pours, huh, Locke? Literally. Locke squared is still with Peggy Bundy in fake reality. Sweet! Ew! Locke in a bathtub. NOOOOOOOOO! MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEES! Someone please pass the brain bleach.

Locke lied and told Peggy he was at a conference and not getting rejected from a walkabout. Peggy encourages him to call Jack.

Now we’re seeing the island through the eyes of the smoke monster and it’s CREEPTASTIC! Sawyer is raging to rock music and destroying crap in his and Juliet’s house. Smokey turns back into Darth Locke and finds a machete in the woods. He cuts Richard down from a tree and my Richard is all beat up. I died a little inside. I hate hate hate hate hate Darth Locke. He tells Richard it’s “time to talk.”

Locke squared works in a cube and looks unhappy about it. “Randy” is here and he’s a cocky doo-doo head. I can already tell. He needs to wash his hair, too. There is not an oil shortage in the world. Randy has plenty in his hair. Randy fires him. It seems that Locke has been lying to everyone.

Darth Locke gave Richard some water. He says he wants Richard to come with him. Richard is confused and bloody and I don’t like it. Darth Locke is trying to sweet talk Richard. He promises to tell Richard everything and Richard says no, because he is the awesome. Darth Locke sees a bloody kid in the woods and freaks out. Richard’s all “Freak. Hit the bricks.” Darth Locke says he’ll be seeing Richard and sooner than he thinks.

Illana is crying in the temple and Ben asks what’s wrong. Ben explains that Darth Locke turned into a smoke monster and killed Illana’s friends and that DarthLocke kicked Jacob into the fire. She immediately goes and gathers Jacob’s ashes. Ben asks why DarthLocke took Richard away. Illana says that he’s “recruiting.”

Back to Sawyer’s rage party. Darth Locke is all “Daaaaaang” when he walks in and sees the turned over furniture. He also smirks at the record player cause that’s so 1980. He finds Sawyer hitting the hard stuff in the bedroom floor. Sawyer glares at him because that’s what Sawyer does best.

Sawyer’s pouring another drink because he obvs needs it. Oh, he poured one for Locke. How sweet. He’s sitting around in his underwear. How sweet. Sawyer seems to enjoy that Locke is dead. He’s just glad to have a friend who’s not hitting on him. Sawyer calls him out as an imposter. He seems to be a smart drunk. DarthLocke tries to be profound and Sawyer laughs in his face. Locke offers to prove why Sawyer’s on the island and Sawyer says they can’t leave until he puts his pants on. Darth Locke always ruins everyone's fun.

Locke squared is mad because some idiot parked too close to his car. That idiot is Hurley. Hurley breaks the news that he owns the company. Hurley calls Randy a huge douche and Hubs and I laugh uproariously. Hurley gives him the number of the temp agency he owns. I like this confident Hurley.

A crab crawls off of DeadLocke’s head and I throw up in my mouth a little. Illana is leading everyone to the temple. Sun questions her, but Illana dangles the prospect of seeing Jin in front of her. Sun wants to bury Locke and everyone is like, “Seriously? It’s 900 degrees out here, Sun.” Darth Locke sees boy in the woods and Sawyer sees him, too. DarthLocke chases the kid down but trips and falls. The kid warns Locke that he knows the rules and he can’t kill “him” (Sawyer, I guess). The kid (is that regenerated Jacob???) walks off with DarthLocke shouting “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” That was one of OriginalLocke’s mantras.

Sawyer’s wandering through the jungle, shouting for Locke. He’s pissed that he put on pants for this. Richard stumbles out of the woods and tries to take Sawyer to the temple. Richard tells Sawyer that DarthLocke wants to kill everybody. Darth comes back and Richard runs away. Run in a zigzag, Richard! If you’re a nerd and were bullied in school you totally understood that instruction. Sawyer asks about the kid and DarthLocke plays dumb.

A woman is being all weird with Locke at the temp agency. He asks to speak to her supervisor and she’s visibly angry. ROSE is the supervisor! I lurve her. Rose lays down the law with him, because she’s also the awesome. Rose still has terminal cancer, which is sad. She encourages Locke to live whatever life he’s got left and says she’s going to help him find a job he can do.

Sawyer tells DarthLocke that he loves Of Mice and Men. I do, too! Darth Locke says that book was after his time. Sawyer pulls a gun on Darth Locke. Locke tells him to shoot. Sawyer asks what he is and Darth Locke says he’s trapped and he doesn’t even remember what it feels like to be free. Darth says he remembers what it’s like to feel. Locke offers him the chance to turn back, but Sawyer doesn’t take it.

Ben is questioning Illana. She says that Darth Locke is stuck in Locke’s body. They come to the graveyard. Why wasn’t Lepedis helping to carry Locke instead of making Illana do it? Jerk. Illana asks if anyone can say anything and Ben offers. He calls Locke a believer, a man of faith, and a better man than he will ever be. Aww. Ben’s redemption. He apologizes for murdering Locke. Lepedis declares it the weirdest funeral he’s ever been to.

Locke square gets up in the morning and looks depressed. He pulls out Jack’s card and gives Jack a call. He chickens out and hangs up. He tells Peggy/Helen that he’s not going. Lost luggage guy drops off Locke’s lost suitcase. Helen asks how he got fired and he tells her the truth. He tells her to open his suitcase. She does and finds…all of Locke’s knives. He tells her he was going to go on a walkabout and that he was rejected. He realizes they were right. He said that he’s resigned to stay in his chair. She tears up Jack’s card and they kiss.

Sawyer and Darth Locke come to the edge of the island. Darth Locke says they have to go down the cliff and Sawyer tells him that he has to go first. Then he realizes that there’s a ladder. A rickety old ladder that leads to a rope ladder. The ladder breaks while Sawyer’s on it and Darth Locke saves him. They are surprised that the 1000 year old ladder broke. They find themselves in an awkward man hug on a tiny ladder. They finally make it down to a cave that’s got scales in it. There are rocks on the scale. One is white and one is black. Darth Locke picked up the white rock and threw it outside. Darth lights a torch and they dive into the cave. Locke takes him in the cave, points at the ceiling and says that’s why you’re here. Names, all over the ceiling. Many are scratched out, but recognizable ones (Ford, Reyes, Jarrah). Sawyer’s in shock. I am too. It’s rude to carve things into cave walls. The parks department will tear you up for that.

Kate is doing hair commercials. No thanks. I don’t want harlot hair. Bleeeeeech.

My friend keeps calling and calling me. She knows I don’t answer the phone during LOST. Especially the last 10 minutes. I shut the ringer off. She won’t leave a message. She’s doing it on purpose. She’s so off the Christmas card list. Update - my friend found out she is pregnant! I'll forgive her this time.

Locke squared is a basketball coach. Cute!! He’s also a teacher. I love it! He’s teaching sex-ed! Ben is working at the school! I’m in amazement right now. It looks like Locke squared and Ben squared are going to be besties.

Darth Locke confirms that Jacob wrote all the names and he confirms that he’s happy about it. Flashbacks to Jacob touching everyone whose names are not crossed out. Each of them has been assigned a number from the numbers! Locke is 4, Hurley is 8, Sawyer is 15, what were the other numbers? Was Jack 42? Anyway, Locke tells Sawyer that Jacob met him and that Jacob pushed him to the island. And Locke tells sawyer that he’s a candidate to take over being protector of the island. Locke tells him he can do 1) Nothing, 2)Accept the Job and become the new Jacob. Sawyer asks what the island needs protecting from and Darth Locke says nothing. 3) leave. Sawyer seems to be leaning toward leaving.

Previews: nothing significant except : THE TIME FOR QUESTIONS IS OVER. Amen, Voiceover guy. I LOVED this episode so much more than the last two. It was fantastic.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

LOST recap

So I turned on my TV at 8 to watch LOST, only to find out it was just the pop-up video edition of last week's episode. Free hour!

Recapping now. Sawyer is going Inigo Montoya on Jack, the Woodstock gang has drowned Sayid, the pirate is angry about it, and Sayid woke up with a wicked hangover.

Hippie does not wear shoes in the temple of doom. Pirate is pleased that Sayid has awakened. Jack sends Miles out for some water. Ummm...isn't there a big vat of healing water right there in the temple? Sawyer is in one of his usual sunshine-y moods. He wants to leave the temple.

Fakereality Kate squared is running again and Claire squared is in the car, still pregnant. Arzt had a massive luggage wreck in the crosswalk. Kate and Jack have a deja-vu moment, then Kate tells the guy to go and he runs over Arzt's suitcase. Poor Arzt never gets a break. The cabbie makes a break for it. Kate steals Claire's purse and kicks her out of the car

Back in island time Sayid is questioning everyone about what's going on. Jack examines Sayid's wound to find that it's almost completely closed. Sayid thanks Jack, but Jack doesn't have time to tell him that he didn't do it because happy pirate wants to ask Sayid some questions. Happy pirate realizes that Jack is smarter than....oh...a person with a massive brain injury, and that Jack knows they're all lying to him. Sawyer comes to the rescue with a hidden gun. Pirate finally speaks English, telling Sawyer that he has to stay. Sawyer says, "No one tells me what to do. Especially a sad-faced Sinbad extra (Sinbad the movie, not the comedian)." Sawyer waves his gun around, sweats alot, and runs out of the temple.

Hippie extra asks where Sawyer went. Kate, of course, offers to go after Sayid. She's pissed when Jin offers to go along, too. That's totally going to kill her mojo, having Jin there. Pirate asks how Kate will get him back and Kate says, "I'll seduce him with my body, of course." Or something like that. I spaced out for a minute thinking about how everyone on this show looks like they reek of B.O.

Fake reality, Kate puts her gun in a mechanic's face and tells him to give her a tool to cut off her cuffs. He ain't taking none of her crap and pretends to be her friend and stuff. She trusts him immediately, of course. Kate realizes that she totally victimized a pregnant girl and feels like a doody head. Rightly so. Loser.

Pirate has Sayid strapped to a table and blows ash all over him. Freaky. Now he's hooking Sayid up to a torture device. Man, this guy is just a big ole ray of sunshine, isn't he? He fries Sayid, literally. There's a frying sound and spit flies out of Sayid's mouth. Very realistic. Can I just say DANG. Sayid has lots of chest hair. It's like he was wearing a sweater under that tank top. OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! He just branded him with a fire poker. Bonnaroo told Sayid that it was a test and he passed. After Sayid leaves, they reveal that Sayid in fact, failed the test of being electrocuted and then burned. How do you pass a test like that?

Olive Garden's Pansiotti's look delish. I want to go to there.

Fake reality Kate goes back to find Claire and gives her her things back. She offers Claire a ride and Claire gets in the car with her because she's SMRT. Seriously.

Back in the jungle. Woodstock extra 1 tells Kate that they are protecting them from the smoke monster. He calls Kate princess and I guffaw. Woodstock extra 1 keeps telling Woodstock extra 2 to SHUT UP. He's pretty mean. Kate knocks them both out and Jin is really confused. I'm starting to think that Jin's script doesn't have any words on it, just this emoticon D: She says they're escaping. Sayid stumbles out of the back room and relaxes by the hot tub. He tells Jack and gang that he was tortured. Jack tells the guards to step aside and they do. He goes into pirates room and pirate is playing in his Zen garden. They tell Jack that Sayid is sick, infected. Pirate finds this hilarious. He rolls a homemade cigarette. No, wait, it's a GIANT pill to cure Sayid's infection. Sayid has to take the pill willingly, so they're asking Jack to do it. Pirate speaks English again. He asks how Sayid got shot, and Jack says it was his fault. Pirate sends Jack on major guilt trip. He tells Jack that now is his chance to redeem himself and Jack is crying again. Pirate says if Jack doesn't get Sayid to take the pill then the infection will spread. Hmmm...curious. Will the infection spread in Sayid's body, or spread to other people?

I can't wait to see Alice in Wonderland.

We're back and Hurley asks Sayid if he's a zombie. Sayid says no and Jack ambles up and asks the other peeps to leave. Miles says they'll be in the food court. Miles! Bringing the lolz! Sayid looks sweaty. Sweaty and mad. I'm starting to think this is not a temple, just an ancient sweat lodge. Jack unwraps herb pill. Sayid does look kinda sinister right now. Sayid says he will take the pill if Jack tells him to. Jack is torn. Back in the jungle Kate is stomping around like a buffalo. Yeah, she's great at tracking. Jin asks Kate to tell him where the plane crashed and she stonewalled him. What a witch. Jin makes this face again D:

Claire and Kate are having a pleasant conversation in the cab. Claire is insecure, as usual. They pull up to a really nice house. Claire asks her to come inside and Kate agrees. Starting to wonder if Kate plans on ditching the cab. It would be the smart thing to do since the cabbie escaped a long time ago and has probably already notified the police. Claire finds out that the husband in the adoption situation ditched his wife (jerk), and she kicks her out. Claire goes into labor on the front step. Because that's how it happens. You just all of the sudden feel the baby crowning. Labor isn't a long thing at all, especially for a first baby. That's it, TV. Keep perpetuating the myth.

Island time, Saywer is destroying his and Juliet's house. He rips up the floorboards and finds an old shoebox. Inside is a something that he grips in his hand and starts crying. Kate realizes that Sawyer actually cared about Juliet and tries to leave. Sawyer hears her and threatens to shoot her. I wish he would.

Fakereality Kate is in the delivery room with Claire and Kate goes to get a doctor and it's Ethan! Dr. Goodspeed. He seems nice when he's not being a CreepyMcCreepster kidnapper/doctor on the island. The baby's heart rate monitor flatlines. There it is. My baby! Hubs yelled the dingo baby line before I did. Crap! I'm rusty! Claire just called the baby Aaron. It took her forever to pick that name on the island. Kate and Claire are holding hands now. Will Kate start batting for the other team? What will the 9 million men on the island do without her?

On the island Kate tells Sawyer that she needs to find Claire. She asks Saywer to help her find Claire. He's just wanting to cry alone on a dock and she won't just leave him alone. She tries to take blame for Juliet's death. Sawyer tells her that it's his fault. I want to hug his whiskery face and tell him it's okay. Awww...the thing he got out of the box was an engagement ring. He was going to ask Juliet to marry him. That's so sad. He tells Kate she's on her own and she breaks down and cries because she's selfish that way. He DOESN'T WANT YOU, HUSSY!

Pirate is playing with a baseball and he and Jack share a smile. They start talking island politics. Togan? Tobin? What did he say? Togan/Tobin (who I think came over on the black rock) says he was brought here just like everyone else and calls Jack on not giving Sayid the pill. Jack wants to know what's in the pill and Togan/Tobin says he'll have to trust him. Jack says no dice and tries to swallow the pill. Togan/Tobin attacks him and hits and kicks him till he spits out the pill. It was hilar. Togan/Tobin admits that the pill was just a poison capsule.

Claire is staring at an ultrasound photo. Love those pictures of the baby. A detective and police officer comes in looking for Kate. Claire lies for her and they leave. Claire thanks Kate and gives her the credit card. Kate tells her to keep her baby.

Kate is sitting by a water spout, just wasting all the clean water. Sawyer stalks by and doesn't even glance at her. Burn! She grabs her stuff and heads out.

Togan/Tobin pours Jack some tea and Bonnaroo is amazed that Jack tried to swallow the pill. Togan/Tobin drinks first, so Jack trusts the tea. Jack asks why they want to kill Sayid and Togan/Tobin says he has been "claimed" by a darkness. Jack asks how he can be sure and Togan/Tobin drops the bomb that it happened to....Jack's sister! So Claire is now a dark lord. Jin's trying to get a drink and he gets attacked by the hothead and his reasonable friend. They argue and Jin tries to run and lands right in a bear trap. Hothead friend tries to shoot Jin but...Claire saves him. Jin looks at her and says her name and she looks all confused and befuddled. Like maybe she remembers him, and is fighting the darkness. Or maybe she's just wondering who he is and how he knows her name. Or maybe she's wondering when he learned English.

Previews: DarthLocke comes after Sawyer. That's about all I got out of that.

Okay, I'm a little peeved about a couple of things. 1) They are not answering questions fast enough for my taste. There are limited episodes left and we don't know ANYTHING. They have to start answering some questions. 2) There was a serious Desmond deficit in this episode. I can't love Jack because he cries more than me and Sawyer, well, it's just not appropriate to like Sawyer at the moment. Bring back Des!

Leave thoughts and theories in the comments!

Friday, February 5, 2010


Finally! Hubs fixed my computer! I love him so....

Recaps recaps BOOOORING. Okay, the show's on. Everybody shut up (I really did say that out loud). And I think they may be showing the pilotepisode again by accident. Jack is boozing it up as usual. Rose is being awesome, as usual. Only they didn't crash. Whaaaa-aaat? Rose and Bernard are so cute. Now it's Jack's turn to pee at 5 miles high. Jack's neck is bleeding. That or he either has a massive hickey on his neck. Des is here?! What? What the heck is going on?? I'm so confused and it's only been 2 minutes. I don't care much thought because Des is looking hawt in that suit. Ooooh! The island's not there for them to crash on! Now we're under the ocean. Disney Finding Nemo effects! That CGI was horrible. Seriously. I know it's network TV, but I probably could have done better with Paint. The island is under the ocean. What the heck. My brain just exploded. Seriously. The mossy foot put me over the edge.

Now they're re-showing the whole bomb thing. Maybe this will tell us what happened. White light, and Kate's eyeball. Kate is dirty and greasy and in a tree. There is a loud buzzing. I keep telling DH it's on the show, but he's adjusting the volume on the TV anyway. She's apparently deaf, I guess from the explosion, and she's apparently a monkey now. She's still in the jungle, but how if the jungle is under water? I feel like the producers of this show are just laughing somewhere and giving us all the middle finger. There's Miles! This makes no sense. They've apparently been blown back to after Desmond turned the failsafe key. There's alternate reality Jack and man, his face looks like a package of ground beef. This is reminding me of Back to the Future. Now we have to make sure future Jack doesn't see past Jack or it will cause a rift in the space time continuum. Man, Sawyer is pissed! And Jack is crying again.

Back to confusing plane ride. Everybody's there! It's so good to see Arzt again! Not in a million pieces, of course, but in one big piece. Sawyer is good looking all the time. And apparently in our alternate reality Hugo is now the luckiest man alive.

Juliet's alive under all that crap?! Man, I thought we were done with at least one of the smirk faces. Poor Hurley. He's not good with blood. It looks like Sayid's not going to make it. That makes me sad. Oh no, someone's creeping through the bushes. I really hope it's Vincent. EVEN BETTER! It's Jacob! Hooray! We're all saved. I bet you money he won't tell us what's going on, though. His shirt's not even bloody. He's got some good stain remover. He probably uses Spray-n-Wash with Resolve cleaning power like I do (product placement). It's the bomb. You can tell I'm old because I still use the phrase "It's the bomb." I hope he doesn't take Sayid away to his temple and "steal his innocence" like he did to Ben. Ew.

We are back in Otherworld. That's what I'll call this reality from now on. Jin squared is back on the plane. Man, he's a prude! There's Locke. Crazy as he may be I love him. BOOONE!!!! I really do love him! He's so pretty. Boone and Locke are being BFFs. Shannon stayed in Australia. I don't like this reality. Instead of Otherworld I will call it fakereality because I think in the end it's not going to matter. I don't really care what would have happened if there wasn't an island because I've invested five years of my life in the island world.

Jacob's body is gone. Ben looks a little shell shocked. Awww. I want to hug him. I don't think he likes being Nemesis' little stooge. There's our Gap model! YES! Richard's going to unload on Ben. Ok, if Ben hadn't pooped his pants yet, he definitely did it when he saw the real Locke dead in the grass.

Everyone has forsaken Sayid dying in the jungle to dig out Juliet. Sawyer just sent Jin back to the van to get chains so they could lower Sawyer down in the hole. Jin used a long vine to climb out of the crater. Ummm...why not use the super long vine to get down in the hole? Jacob is worried about Sayid. And he admits that he's dead. He tells Hurley to bring Sayid to the Temple of Doom in order to save him. He also tells Hurley to bring his guitar because everybody loves a sing-along. This is good. Hurley can see dead people so Jacob can still offer guidance.

There's Charlie squared, dead in the airplane bathroom. Poor Charlie's dead in every reality he's a part of.

A DeBeer's diamond commercial came on and I thought the show was back on. That's some suspensful music for a diamond commercial. Werd.

Sayid is assisting Jack in saving Charlie. Jack is digging in Charlie's mouth. He found Charlie's stash. Charlie, your larynx isn't a good place to hide your drugs, for future reference.

I don't think little VW van is meant to pull huge steel beams out of the way. As someone who worked on a disaster relief team at one time, I can tell you that Sawyer should not have climbed down in there without a lead tied to him. DUMB. And Juliet's still with us. She is very bloody and very sad. I'm ok with her being alive right now. She is making Sawyer be a papa bear right now and I love it. Hurley put Jack in his place (ie, NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE), and I liked it. Ben is in a catatonic state. Illana and her crew have had it up to here with Ben's garbage. They're storming the fortress. DarthLocke dismisses Jacob's body guards. They shoot him and Darth Locke vanishes (You do realize there are THREE Locke's now. I will refer to them as DarthLocke, Deadlocke, and Locke squared).

Smokey's here! Smokey can't cross the ash. That same ash was the ash around Jacob's cabin in the jungle. So the ash is protective. Interesting. Is it a special kind of ash, or will any ash, do? Can I make my own ash to protect myself from smoke monsters? These are the questions I want answered. Darth Locke just admitted he's the smoke monster. Crazy stuff. So nemesis definitely needs a body, (a dead one) to inhabit. It was probably like Christmas for him when Christian's coffin fell out of the sky.

Back to Sawyer digging Juliet out of the Swan. Uh oh, Juilet's slipping away. This is really sad. I feel like I'm intruding. Man, she died before she told him the important thing. Typical for this show. He still blames Jack.

Ok, something weird is happening on the plane in fakereality now. Charlie's foreboding, Des is missing, and Jack is rocking the 70's sideburns. The plane is landing and everyone is melancholy about it, because they are wishing that they would have crashed landed on a crazy island with polar bears and a smoke monster. Charlie's giving Jack the stinkeye, but you shouldn't try to kill yourself on a plane with a doctor. Live and learn. Alternate universe Locke is still paralyzed. He's still depressed Locke. End of first hour.

Second hour - seriously. I don't know if my head can deal with another hour.

Sawyer is sad and rightfully so. Everyone else is taking Sayid to the temple. Sawyer tells Kate to hit the bricks. Love it. Miles makes fun of the guitar and Hurley gives him a look of death. Speaking of looks of death - If Sawyer gave me the look he just gave Jack I probably would have peed myself.

Back in fakereality. Jack squared has been paged to the Oceanic desk. They lost his father's body, proving that airlines have no shame when it comes to lost luggage. I'm surprised the guy didn't say "and you're ugly, too." Just to add insult to injury. On a side not I have a theory that Oceanic is actually Continental, since they always lose my luggage. Apparently Christian's coffin has slipped into a wormhole somewhere because not only was it not on the plane, they have no idea where it is.

That Jimmy Kimmel commercial brought the Lolz. Seriously. "Okay, now you ruined a perfectly good Hot Pocket." WIN

Jin squared speaks no English. This alternate universe makes me realize they were all better off on the island. I'm pretty sure that Sun is going to go ahead and leave fakereality Jin.

Back at the temple (this is exhausting. Really). They are lowering Sayid through the hole in the floor. Kate immediately starts picking a skeleton's pocket because that's just the kind of girl she is. Hurley declares the trip to the temple "awesome." There's the hole Ben fell through when he got beat up by the smoke monster/Nemesis/DarthLocke. Jack is busy being a load as usual. Kate wanders off because she's also a load. Jack, of course, doesn't care about anyone but Kate because she has him under some stupid spell. Now everyone is missing and Jack is all alone in the scary temple. Now they're all being marched through the jungle. We only thought we'd seen the temple. Jacob had a freaking monastery. Sweet! It really does look like the Temple of Doom.

Back in fakereality Kate squared has to go potty after the plane ride. She's really just going to use the pen she lifted from Jack to pick her handcuffs. Sneaky pete. Who washes their face in an airplane restroom? Nasty. Wow. Kate unleashed on him. She's fierce. Now she' riding the elevator with Sawyer and they're exchanging sultry glances and Sawyer notices her handcuffs.

Sawyer's trying to figure out Juliet's secret. You and me both, Sawyer. Sawyer wants Miles to use his talking to dead people power to ask Juliet what she wants. Miles says that Juliet's message was "it worked." Whatever that means. Thanks for nothing, Juliet.

At the monastery, the monks with guns are questioning Hurley and gang. The angry one looks like a pirate and the other one looks like a young, beardless Jerry Garcia. Neither is scary. Cindy steps up and tells the head ninjamonk who they are. He gives the order to shoot. Hurley yells Jacob's name and everybody freezes. We finally get to see what's in the cryptic guitar case. It's a giant wood cross symbol thing, that think that's everywhere on the island. I think it's called an ankh. And they treat it with great reverence. Oh, nevermind. It's a giant wooden fortune cookie. It contains Jacob's list, and all of their names are on it! Awesome! They are taking Sayid to "the spring." The paper said that if Sayid dies, everyone's is in trouble.

There are the missing children. Wow, Jacob is a thorough guy. The spring is a giant, dirty hot tub. Hubs said, "Are they making a vat of tea?" Oh, Hubs! Always bringing the lolz! The man who doesn't speak English is angry about this dirty water. Nothing is worse than a dirty hot tub. Time for a new cleaning company. He's going to stab the water into submission. No, he's just going to clean it with his own blood, which is nastier. Uh oh. Magic pool doesn't heal anymore. That's bad news. Their resale value just went waaay down. Why is Jack all the sudden in charge again? Even Kate is baffled. Okay, after all this time on the island don't these people just understand to trust the others by now. Sheesh-a-loo. I think Sayid is dead. I think they may have drowned him. I'm not sure, though, because I'm not a doctor. Jack does CPR. Kate tries to talk him out of it because if Kate's good at anything it's giving up. And we go to commercial. Not to worry, though, Sayid will probably come back to life 30 times before the end of the series.

Fakereality Sayid is looking at his Nadia picture while Arzt looks on in a creepy stalker-ish way. Kate's still on the run and Island geek kicks her out of her cab. Because he's a geek that way. She hides behind Hurley and then jumps into Claire's cab. The cab driver is one of the bad guys from Heroes. Crossover!

Skinny hippie takes Hurley back to an "herb garden." with the non-English speaking bad guy. Hurely tells them that Jacob is dead and they move to Homeland Security Threat Level Yellow. They immediately start putting out the forcefield ash. Hubs is now talking about building a bamboo rocket. Ben is asking DarthLocke 20 questions. Ben comes to the realization that he's been used his whole life. DarthLocke gives Ben a look inside John's head as he strangled him. "I don't understand." Apparently Nemesis has been trapped on the island and wants to go home. Doesn't he realize he's been stuck there practically forever and the world is not what it used to be? We have Spanxx now!

Dead Sayid. Hurley tells him goodbye and tells him to come find him if he wants to talk. Awesome. Kate is cleaning Sawyer's wounds and getting rid of all the Juliet blood. That's it, Kate. Wash away any evidence of her. Back to seducing Sawyer.

Fkereality Jack is on the phone telling his mom that his dad's body got sucked into a vortex. Locke's in the lost luggage area and asks Jack what he lost. They're so gonna form a man bond. Locke shares the profound nugget that the airline didn't lose Jack's father. They just lost his body. Werd. Locke squared is deep. They also lost Locke's knives. Jack offers to fix Locke's back for free. Aww! Warm fuzzies!

Back on the beach Richard sees the flare and is gonna cry. He freaks and tells them not to shoot DarthLocke. NOOOO! He beat up my Richard and then kidnapped him. I hate him so much.

Everyone else is still moping around the healing pool. Hippie comes in and asks to speak to Jack privately. And Sayid wakes up! Yay!

Previews - Sawyer leaves the temple, Kate goes after him (of course). A lot of talk about who cares about who.

My head hurts. Seriously.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

LOST Recap

Is delayed!!! Oh noes! I typed it up last night and saved it to do some editing on this morning and my laptop crashed about five minutes later. Not kidding. Died as in dead. I'm on one of Hubs's tiny pet laptops right now (I hate it). If he doesn't have it fixed by this afternoon I'll try to remember what I typed. I want to post the original, though, if that's possible, so I'm going to wait until I hear the verdict on my laptop.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Lost Character of the Week

Even immortal masterminds can give the stinkeye.

What can we say about Jacob? Not much, because we don’t know much about him. He likes white shirts. He has mad “building a trap with sticks and catching colorful fish” skills. He also has frying a fish on a rock skills. He has a nemesis, which is pretty cool. His nemesis likes black shirts. This is probably what caused the rift in their relationship. Nemesis wants to kill Jacob, but he can’t because Jacob is the awesome. He apparently has to employ a loophole to kill Jacob. Like I said, awesome.

We first hear of Jacob early on in the series when his “list” is mentioned. Being on Jacob’s list is like having access to an exclusive club. If you’re a crybaby doctor, angry shirtless con man, or island tramp then you’re in! If you’re the likes of Hurley, you’re pretty much out of luck. Jacob is cryptically referred to in the first few seasons of the show as the person in charge, although by the time he’s revealed you had already started believing that he didn’t exist, so seeing him was actually kind of a letdown. Because he’s just a dude, nothing special.

He is the person who gives Richard Alpert his ageless loveliness, though, so he is a-ok in my book. Ben seems to think that Jacob lives in a decrepit cabin in the forest, but he actually has a rockin’ bachelor pad in the giant foot statue. Why live in a cabin when you can live in a statue with a giant fire pit (that gives your nemesis the perfect “oops he fell in the fire” murder weapon).

Let’s talk about the important stuff, though. Jacob is also ageless, Jacob can leave the island, and Jacob has contacted most of our beloved survivors at some point off of the island. And he loves Flannery O’Connor. Back to meeting the survivors, though. Here’s who Jacob fraternized with prior to the crash of 815:

*He visited Sawyer at his parents’ funeral, and even gave him the pen that he would use to write the letter to the real Sawyer

*He visited Kate when she was a wee little hobbit and caught her trying to steal a lunchbox. Instead of putting the fear in her he bailed her out by buying the lunch box and then did some lame, grandfatherly nose tweak thing to her and tells her to be good. This proves once again that Kate has some kind of woman voodoo going on because NO man ever calls her on her crap.

*Jack got scared during surgery early in his career and ran from the operating room straight to the vending machine for a chocolate fix. He put his money in but OOOOOHHHH NOOOOESSSS! His candy bar got stuck (story of my life, Jack, story of my life). True to Jack form he cries like a little girl or something. Then Jacob shows up and buys Jack’s candy bar and tells him he needs to stop being a nancy.

*Later still Jacob shows up at Jin and Sun’s wedding and congratulates them and tells them love is the stuff and he’s happy for them. Jin’s all “That American guy could speak Korean!”

*Farther in the future, Jacob was sitting on a bench on a pristine sunny day, just chillin’ and reading some Flannery O’Connor (holla!) when out of nowhere Locke falls out of the sky. Yowzas. Our Jacob is ruffled by nothing. In fact I’m pretty sure he finished his chapter before he got up, walked to Locke and told him he was sorry that his jerk of a father pushed him out of a window after stealing his kidney.

*Jacob showed up to a hospital room where a very bandaged Illana (girl with the awesome earrings) was being treated and asked her for a favor that we were never privy to.

This is all stuff that happened before flight 815 crashed (except the Illana visit. We weren’t given a time for that so we don’t know when Jacob visited her). A good thing to note was not only did Jacob visit these particular people, but he made sure to physically touch each one. Is that relevant? Dunno.

After the Six returned to the normal world:

*Jacob approaches Sayid and Nadia and asks them for directions. Someone hits and kills Nadia as she stands in the crosswalk waiting for Sayid.

*Hurley is convinced he’s losing his mind and running around like a crazy person when Jacob jumps in the cab, tells Hurls he needs to get his hiney back to the island, and gives him Charlie’s guitar.

After everyone finally returns to the island Locke seemingly rises from the dead. But it’s not Locke! It’s Nemesis wearing a Locke suit! Nemesis talks to Ben and tells him that he needs to confront Jacob about why Jacob has always snubbed Ben (because you’re a nerd Ben. I’m a nerd, too, and have always been snubbed by the cool people living in the foot). Ben goes all crybaby on Jacob and Jacob’s like “why are all these men crying? What have I brought upon this island? Are you all 13 year old girls?” A punch to the face would have sufficed, but we all know Ben and how he’s prone to overreaction. He freaks out and stabs Jacob while Nemesis smiles like the Cheshire cat in the background. Nemesis nonchalantly nudges Jacob into the fire with his foot.

Writing this made me realize something. If Nemesis pushed him into the fire (which is how I remember it happening. Correct me if I’m wrong), then Nemesis killed Jacob, which wasn’t supposed to be possible. Hmmm…

Back to the story. So Jacob is now “dead.” I put that in quotes because dead on this island never means dead for good. Ben gets that “what did I just do” look on his face that we all get when we realize we might have overreacted a teensy bit. If Nemesis had a goatee he would stroke it with glee. The most important part, though, is that since Jacob is dead, does that mean our beloved Richard will age? ! Perish the thought!

Leave corrections in the comments. It’s been soo long I’m sure I missed something.

Sawyer Nicknames: NONE

Sources: Lostpedia;; my memory, fuzzy as it may be