Letters

Dear people in general:

Why do you get stupid when it rains? I mean, I know it's more difficult to drive on a wet road than a dry road, but it's not that much harder. Did the rain fall in your ears and wash your smarts away? Seriously. You can't slam on your brakes at a red light when the road is wet and expect to not slide out into the intersection and hit another car. I'm glad everyone was okay, but as the only witness, I had to sit in the rain with a screaming toddler and tell a bazillion different police officers what had happened. Just slow down!

Dear person who ran over my mailbox this morning:

Seriously? Two people got their smarts washed away by the rain in the same morning?

Dear M:

How can you eat those nasty McDonaldland cookies? I ate one this morning and it tasted like death, but you seem to love them.

Dear Hubs:

Thanks for waking me up from my nightmare last night and then sitting up with me for an hour while I ate Wheat Thins and calmed down. You're the best. :)

Dear M's Lion King balloon:

Please stop floating into our bedroom in the middle of the night and tickling my face with your ribbon string. You didn't help my nightmare. And it's almost like you're stalking us. Ew.

Dear Green Bell Pepper plant:

Why are you growing red bell peppers? You are a green bell pepper plant. I still have the seed packet and can show it to you if you want me to. It's not that I don't like red bell peppers. I like any bell pepper. It's just that the green ones saute better than the red ones. That's all. That being said, I will still eat your red bell peppers as they rock on a sandwich.

Dear JoAnn's:

Why do you never put embroidery thread on sale? Do you have no soul? Of course you don't. You're just a store. A store who anticipates what I need and then doesn't put those things on sale.

Dear Friends:

Lost update tonight.