Letters

Dear Windows Vista:

I hate you. You suck. You crash more than a monster truck. I hate you like I hate people who invented smallpox blankets.

Dear Guy at the Gym:

Please read the sign and stay out of the Women's Only workout room. (That's right! I made it back to the gym. No lower body stuff, of course, but it was good to be back.)

Dear Hubs:

I know we had a long conversation this morning about all kinds of stuff, but I don't remember any of it. Because we have that rule that I don't need anyone talking to me before 8am. So all of that stuff that you told me to put on the grocery list? I don't remember it. Please don't change the rules on me. You know how I am about change.

Dear Hubs (Again):

If you need to fart, please don't do it while you're standing next to me.

Dear Woman with no brain:

When you dropped your child off in the nursery on Sunday, I could tell she was sick. Know how I could tell? Her nose was running like a faucet, her face was flaming, she was coughing like a 90 year old emphysema sufferer, and her eyes looked like Niagra falls. When you pushed her in the room, I said, "Whoa! She looks sick. You can't leave her in here with the other children (mine included) if she's sick." You said, "Oh, it's just allergies." So I took you at your word. Because that's what Jesus would do. I spent two hours trying to keep her away from the other kids because it looked like no allergy attack I've ever seen before and I should know. I have severe allergies. So you come to pick her up, I clean up, use hand sanitizer and make M wash her hands. We go to our Sunday afternoon play group. We come home and about 10 minutes after we walk through the door, you call me. "I just wanted to tell you that V has RSV. I didn't want to tell you this morning because I didn't think you'd let me leave her in the nursery." What? Of course you can leave your child here and expose eleven other children (mine included) and three adults to a mega-infectious disease! Of course! IDIOT. First of all, thank you so much for exposing my daughter to RSV. Did you even think about the other kids in the room, or were you just thinking of yourself? Did you not think of your daughter and how miserable she was the whole time you were gone? And thank you so much for exposing me to an infection that inflames the lungs. Because I have lung problems. Did you know that? Did you know that something as simple as a cold can land me in the hospital? Did you know that I only have 60% lung capacity to begin with? Who is going to take care of M if I'm laid up in a hospital bed? Hubs has to work. Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? URGH!