LOST recap

How many times? HOW MANY TIMES are they going to show us Sayid shooting Gentle Ben?

A HORSE! This is already the best episode ever. I love how they all look like a bunch of ragamuffins and Richard looks like he just walked out of GQ. Share the cleanliness wealth, Richie Rich.

That guy looks like Gollum before he became Gollum; when he was still happy Smeagol, playing in the creek with Deagol. Yeah, I’m a nerd. Oh, it’s not Gollum. It’s just Charles Widmore and his pony of justice.

Ben looks so scared. You were going back to be judged, huh, Ben? Not just running like a pansy girl from Locke? Okay. I’ll take your word for it.

I’m loving Ben implicating Locke. It’s great! And where does that guy get a sawed off shotgun? Cesar, like the salad. That’s how I’ll remember him.

I want to give Eager Baby Ethan so many hugs right now.

I love Locke so much. And I love Ben so much. It is a vicious love battle in my heart. We can both win, please don’t fight. Aww, they’re going to be BFF now! I LOVE IT. Best Lost couple, hands down.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ben! Shame on you! You have to get over your trigger finger. You killed the Cesar salad.

I love Locke’s “You make friends everywhere you go” comment. Oh, Locke hit below the belt with an Alex shot. Ben 10, Locke 11.

Charles Widmore is a jerk. I kind of like Ben with the Others. He’s got a heart. Richard is proud of his Ben. It’s sad that Richard saved Ben and Ben already looks older than him. Richard has some mad Oil of Olay Regenerist skills. Younger Ben had great hair, too. What is it with the men on this island and their luscious locks? I’m so jealous. I want to go to there.

This is so creepy I almost can’t stand it. Ben walking down the hall toward the lit room with mysterious shadow. Oh, it’s just Sun. Okay, it’s a commercial and let me just say that this is the creepiest shizz I’ve ever seen on this show, and that’s saying a lot.

I know that Lepedis has been in a plane crash, but I doubt that the buttons on his shirt are broken. Button your shirt. You’re not one of the men on this show that can pull that off. Can we please get some Sawyer chopping logs in the jungle footage? Lawnmower man is out.

This is getting so good. Ben’s now on the set of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The music is so suspenseful! It’s got me all suspensed up! Ben just flushed a gigantic primitive toilet by sticking his hand it. Okay, Ben. You’re officially having a worse day than me now.

So Charles got banished for getting his jollies on the mainland. And Ben gets his job. It’s all Penny’s fault. Desmond needs to dump her and get with me.

Who’s on the Ben/Sun ship? Okay, so Ben said dead is dead on the island, but what about the eyepatch guy? I seem to remember him dying and then all the sudden he’s swimming like Flipper and blowing up underwater stations with beloved Charlies inside.

Is Locke making his own socks? Oh, they’re torches. He’s so inventive. I like Sun’s jacket. Where does she shop? It’s cute. I want it.

I can smell my Desmond. He smells like seawater and rainbows. NO! Show Desmond! I hate these people.

OH BEN JUST GOT SCHOOLED! High five, Locke! High fives all around!

Temple, temple, temple. Sun is so confused. I feel you, honey. All the viewers feel you right now.

NOOOOOOOOO! Ben, you can’t shoot Desmond! You’re both in my boyfriend book. Oh, this makes me mad. Okay, you let little Charlie live and that gives you a few points back, but you are still out infinity points for shooting my Desmond. How could you? For shame, Ben. For shame. Wow, that was a lot of blood. He beat the crap out of you and you deserved it, my ex-best friend. That’s right, EX. You can’t shoot my boyfriend and expect to get away with it.

What lies in the shadow of the statue? What kind of question is that? Are they others? I don’t understand. I’m more confused that Sun now. What is going on? Curly haired girl can’t go all crazy before she tells me where she got her earrings when she was seducing Sayid.

I’m kind of sad for Ben that he’s all sad about Alex, but I’m still mad at him for shooting Desmond like that. And totally ruining all his groceries. I would be so pissed if I just got home from Kroger and someone shot up my bananas.

Has Ben never watched Indiana Jones? You don’t just put all your weight on one spot of the floor in a rickety, ancient temple. Okay, he gets some points back for the Alex sadness and falling through the floor like that, because I’m a sympathetic person, but he’s still got a lot to do before I forgive him.

The thing in that hieroglyphic was the shape of the statue. And everyone’s favorite smoke machine is back in business! Scary poof of smoke, I’ve missed you so! HOLY CRAP! Alex is back. No, it’s not Alex. It’s just the smoke monster pretending to be Alex. Alex put the smack down on Ben. Sweet. Locke’s in charge now and Ben gets his second chance. Fanfreakingtastic! Loved it!

That was a freaking awesome episode. Seriously. This was my face the whole time. :O and D:

Next week is Miles-centric! I’m so loving them finally diving into these other characters.

Leave your theories, so we can pick them apart together.

Namaste, good friends.