LOST recap

Previews are of Jin getting arrested in airport and Hurley telling Richard to stop the man in black. Darth Locke sending Sawyer after the plane, Sawyer with Widmore, Sawyer screwing everyone over.

Creepy night vision watching Kate and Sawyer. Claire is still busy being the crazy cat woman, DarthLocke is spinning a stick, and Jin dressing his wounds. DarthLocke has set his sights on Jin. I really wish they would get rid of the V graphic. Claire squats down nearby. Locke tells Jin that no one can leave the island unless all of the candidates leave together. Hmmm...that's interesting.

Airport security is taking Jin's $25,000. Sun questions Jin and Jin says he does whatever big daddy tells him to do. Apparently Jin and Sun are not married in alternate reality. Iiiiiiinteresting. Darth Locke leaves and tells Sayid he's in charge. Sayid says he has no feelings. OH NO! He's turning into Shannon! Locke says it will help him get through what's coming. Jin gets up to follow Locke and Sawyer gets up to follow Jin. Jin tries to tell Saywer that Locke is bad and he's hit in the chest with a poison dart, and so is everyone else! It's Widmore's men and they're after Jin. What do they want with Jin? Who's going to sit around looking confused now?

Lepedis and Miles are playing cards on the beach and Ben is questioning Illana and he's getting on her last nerve. Jack comes stumbling up and takes a drink of what I'm guessing is fermented sea water. Sun throws a knife and storms off the beach. Storming off the beach is the popular thing to do. Sun is weeding her garden. Jack tells her about the lighthouse. She tells Jack to shut his trap and go bother someone else. Surprisingly she's the one who cries, not him.

Alternate reality Jin knocks on Sun's door and tells her he's going to deliver the watch and she lets him in her room. Kinky. Anyway he asks why she's not out shopping. She starts unbuttoning her shirt. Wow. Alternate reality Sun is a tramp. So they're having an alternate reality affair.

Sun cuts her finger and looks sad about it. DarthLocke shows up and scares Sun out of her pants (if it were alternate reality Sun she would have taken her pants off literally). DarthLocke tells her he found Jin and tries to hold her hand. She is standing in front of a huge red plant like one I have never seen before and it's very distracting. She runs and Locke chases her.

Sun and Locke are running through the .....cornfield? Sun runs into a tree. You gotta watch out for those trees, Sun. They come out of nowhere.

Alternate Reality Sun wakes up and laughs at Jin. She suggest running away and tells him she has money. He asked if she planned this and she laughs. He says he loves her. Awwwwwwwwww. She tells him there's something he needs to know. Keamey's at the door and he has BIG teeth. He pushes his way into the room.

Ben finds Sun and helps her up. She has a nasty bump on her head. All the sudden she can't speak English. Ben tells her to slow down and asks who did it. She tells him Locke. DarthLocke comes into camp and finds all his minions facedown on the ground. It would of been great if he had fallen to his knees and yelled, "MY MINIONS!" at the sky. He stomps around, clearly pissed off, because his minions apparently broke into his liquor cabinet and had a huge party after he left. He wakes Sayid up and asks where Jin is.

Jin's okay. He's in the torture room where Ben locked up Alex's boyfriend. Weird glasses girl is questioning him and he tries to leave. She tasers him because she's EVIL. She wants Jin to answer questions about his Dharma maps. He asks to speak to Widmore.

Locke is sending Sayid to Hydra. Claire is giving Locke the stinkeye. She is still so dirty. Wash your face, Claire! She asks Locke if her name was on the wall. It's revealed that Claire is not a candidate, and neither is Kate. He also tells Claire that neither she or Kate are candidates, but he still needs them. Ew. DarthLocke is a dirty old man. She wants to kill Kate. He tells Claire that if Kate helps him get the other three candidates, then she can have Kate.

Sawyer confronts Locke and uses some salty language, but he wouldn't be our Sawyer without salty language. Locke and Sayid leave for Hydra to go find Jin.

AR Sun give Keamey the watch. Bald man comes in and says he can't find Mr. Kwon. Keamey notices that there are two champagne flutes, so Jin's either in the room or Sun's a raging drunk. Jin sucks at hiding. He didn't even get in the shower. He was just standing there, right in front of the door. They have an associate who speaks many languages. Mikhail! It's Mikhail who blew up the Looking Glass and killed Charlie. Keamey doesn't want Sun's money. Keamey takes Jin to the restaurant for some eggs because Kemey's all about the eggs.

Back on the beach Jack is treating Sun's head injury. Illana is smiling and Miles asks her why. It's because Richard is back! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. On Hydra Locke walks up to the smoke monster fence and thinks it's funny that they are shooting at him because he has a sick sense of humor. They walk him down the beach to talk to Widmore. Locke asks him about Jin and Charles feigns ignorance. Locke declares war on Charles. Can evil war against evil like that? Shouldn't they join forces so they can be the SUPEREVIL?

Richard has them pack up and Jack is questioning him, of course, because Jack can't stand it when someone else is the leader. Sun goes off on Richard and...can you guess what she did? Yeah, she storms off the beach.

AR Sun is at the bank and they tell her that the account is closed, by Mr. Paik. At the restaurant Baldy is locking Jin in the meat locker and Keamey tells him to be careful. He gets a wet cloth to clean Jin's head. Then he ties him up with some duct tape. Keamey reveals that Paik knew about the affair and the 25,000 was Keamey's fee to kill Jin. Keamey says he's sorry and tapes Jin's mouth shut.

Widmore and Glasses argue about Jin. Charles asks her to get a package from the submarine and take it to the infirmary. Widmore goes to speak with Jin. He shows Jin Sun's camera with pictures of their daughter. Jin cries. Take note, Jack, this is something real that a man should cry about. Widmore tells Jin that if DarthLocke gets off the island that everything will cease to be. They have to stop the man in black. He then invites Jin to the infirmary to see the package, who is a who, not a what. So, is Widmore good now? I'm so confused.

AR Jin is sitting in the meat locker and hears Sayid kill Keamy and Co. He panics and starts kicking the door, because that's what you do when you hear a raging gunfight on the other side of the door. Sayid barges in. Jin asks Sayid to free him and Sayid gives him the razor blade and tells him good luck. Mikhail takes Sun to the restaurant and pulls his gun. Sun freaks when she sees Keamey and his goonies all dead on the floor. Jin pulls a gun on Mikhail. Jin tells him to put the gun down or he'll kill him. In the fight Sun gets shot. Jin gathers her up and she tells him she's pregnant.

Jack comes up to Sun on the beach and she ignores him. Go sister. Jack gives her a notepad and tells her to try to write English. She can. Yay! This is how I communicated all through my laryngitis. Jack tells her he found something in her garden when he was looking for Locke. It's a tomato from her garden. Sun writes that she's sorry and draws an emoticon. Jack tells her it's ok. He asks what Locke said. She says he said he had Jin, but she doesn't trust....I'm not sure what she doesn't trust. I think it says, "I don't trust V." Stupid V logo. She doesn't trust DarthLocke. Jack asks if she trusts him and she says yes and he promises to help her find Jin if she just comes with him. She agrees.

Kate's sitting next to Sawyer shooting the breeze about STDs or something. She asks why he's not worried and he says he is, he just isn't a heaver and a hand flapper like Kate. Locke comes wandering out of the jungle and tells Sawyer he sent Sayid to find out what was in the locked room on the sub. Glasses and someone are dragging Des out of the sub. I want to kill these people. Now I want evil Sayid to kill them and for the smoke monster to win. They have my Des, and they are not being nice to him.

Previews: We are rocking the bagpipes next week.