LOST recap

Desmond eyeball. They're waking Des up in the sub infirmary. Glasses is talking to him and he gives her the stinkeye. Why does everyone on this show, even the civilized ones, look like they reek of B.O.? Except for Richard. He smells like rainbows and marshmallows. Glasses (I know she has a name, but I'm past the point of bothering to learn these people's names) says she's not a nurse and he asks for Penny. Charles comes out and Desmond freaks, naturally. I just realized there are three people on this show named Charles. The secret ending is that everyone is the same person! Charlie assures Desmond that Penny and little Charlie are fine, except that they're probably freaking out because Des just vanished from the hospital, stupid. Charles reveals that Desmond is on the island. Des' face starts twitching like crazy and he attacks Charles with an IV pole. Desmond screams in agony. Jin asks why Desmond is there and Charles tells glasses to take them to another room and start the test. Glasses protests, but Widmore says, "Get in your place, woman! And make me a sandwich!" Patton Oswald stunt guy is freaking out because Jin scares the poopy out of him. When he finds out that Desmond is coming he freaks out more. He must have heard about Des' mad IV pole skills. Patton Oswald stuntman sends a man into the generator. Everyone holds their breath. Some guy doesn't make sure that the big slinky room was empty and red shirt number 93093094857290934587 on the island gets fried. Desmond sees the crispified man and freaks out some more.

They cover him with a sheet and Charles tells him to take the guy away because he's medium rare and Charles likes his extras well done. They drag Desmond inside and strap him to a chair between the giant slinkies. Charles asks Desmond to make a sacrifice. He says if Des doesn't participate everyone will disappear. Probably in a puff of black smoke. HAHA! Jin tries to talk, but Charles tells him to shut up and Jin looks confused. Yay for continuity! They turn on the machine and everyone looks like they need some new pants. Charles throws the slinky switch. Desmond is going nuts and rightfully so. He collapsed in a flash of light. I hate them. Now we're floating sideways through the clouds. Desmond is in the airport staring at the flight board, because that's what you do at an airport to fit in. Hurley tells him the luggage is on carousel four. Desmond helps Claire with her suitcase and asks her what her baby is. He sees his bag and then walks out with Claire. He offers her a ride. Des is into pregnant chicks. Des tells Claire she's having a boy because he's awesomepsychic. Desmond's driver, George*, picks him up at the airport and offers to take Des to his hotel and Des says, "Heck no! Take me to the office. Des only sleeps once a week and when he does sleep he sleeps sitting up in a chair." The guy offers to find Desmond some companionship and he tells the guy to get out of his face. Des goes to see his boss. Charles Widmore. He's the DEBIL! They're friends.

Des is staring at a toy sailboat on Charles' wall. Charles yells at someone on the phone. Charles says his son is a musician and in a band called Driveshaft. Crazy. Charles offers Des a drink of his fancy scotch that he once told Des he wasn't good enough to drink and Des said, "Heck yes, I'll drink it! I am THE AWESOME!" Des goes to bail out Charlie. Charlie walks away like some rebellious teenager. He jaywalks right in front of the police station and none of the police officers do anything about it. They go into the bar and get a drink. Charlie starts badmouthing Des and Des tells him to shut his mouth. You do not talk to The Awesome like that. Charlie asks Des if he's been in love before. Charlie says he saw love on the plane back from Sydney. Des asks him to explain it. Charlie describes seeing Claire and how beautiful she was. Des calls him a poet and tells him to write a song about it, then he tells him he has a choice, be a loser, or go hang out in Charles' super posh hotel suite. He tells Desmond he doesn't really have a choice and Des says there's always a choice. They drive around to "You All Everybody" and for a second the camera focuses on random guy walking down the beach. For a second I think he's significant, but he's not. Oh wait, Charlie drives them off the pier because he's S-M-R-T smart. Des tries to free Charlie but can't get his belt free. He swims up for air and dives back down because he's the hero in this saga, you'd better believe it. Charlie puts his hand on the window and for a split second, Desmond REMEMBERS the "Not Penny's Boat" scene. HOLY MOLY! That gave me chills. Charlie gives Desmond a Locke-worthy creeptastic smile and then goes back to being a drowned man. Des pulls Charlie to the surface and calls for help.

An ER doc is checking Desmond over and asks him about hallucinations and he thinks, "Oh cripes! She knows I saw creepy Charlie hand!" She sends him for an MRI. Sideways Desmond has no friends or family. Bless his little hero heart. Technician gives him a panic button. They put him in the tube. I've had an MRI before and let me tell you, they suck. That's not a clinical term. In the MRI Des starts seeing his sidways past/future life with Penny. It disappears and he freaks. Des is looking for Charlie. The nurse is not being helpful, so Des asks Jack to help him. He doesn't need help, though, because Charlie is running down the hall in nothing but a hospital gown. Run, Charlie! Run! At least he's in L.A. and it's not cold outside. Des asks Charlie about Penny and Charlie says, "You felt it, didn't you?" Charlie leaves, but tells Desmond he'd better find Penny. So do near-death experiences bring back memories of the island? Coooooool. So now that Charlie's "seen" Claire, it seems he's deeply driven to find her.

Desmond tells Charles that Charlie escaped and he's being a meanie pants to Des and tells Des to tell Mrs. Widmore (Eloise I'm guessing?) that it's only a bloody concert. Desmond goes to find her to tell her that because he's the man. Eloise is Charles' wife. YES! And she's blathering on and on about butter knives or something. She seems surprised to see Desmond, but covers nicely. Des explains that Charlie ran away from the hospital in a backless gown. He says he takes full responsibility and she tells him not to worry about it. She forgot to be a wench because Desmond is so hot. He sexed the meanness right out of her. Desmond hears some people talking about Penny and Eloise takes the list from him. She tells him to shut up. She's going to give him the what for. She tells him to STOP doing whatever it is he's doing. He asks if she knows what he's looking for. He asks to see the list and she tells him that he's not ready yet. Des asks George if there's any alcohol in the car. Daniel comes up and knocks on the window. I love how they try to make it look mysterious "who is that?" I'd recognize Daniel anywhere, even if he is wearing a hat. Daniel tells Desmond that they need to talk.

They get out to walk and Daniel is still in his skinny tie. Daniel asks Des if he believes in love at first sight. He describes Charlotte. They basically have the same discussion as Charlie. Daniel shows Desmond his journal. he's written quantumn mechanics and he's just a musician right now. He describes the equation and Daniel asks, what if this wasn't supposed to be our life, what if something changed everything. He tells Des he doesn't want to set off a nuclear bomb. He thinks he already did. Des brushes him off and Daniel asks about Penny. Daniel asks what he saw/felt. Desmond says he doesn't know and Daniel tells him that he felt love. Des says Penny is just an idea and Daniel says no, Penny's his half sister and tells Des where to find her. Penny is running bleachers in a ginourmous stadium. Des follows her like a creepy stalker and catches her at the bottom of the stairs. He introduces himself and says hello and holds out his hand to shake hers. Suddenly we're back in the slinky box and Des is looking a little red. Charles looks proud of his boy as Glasses tries to blind him with a pen light, because she's a stinky scientist, not a doctor. Des asks how long he was unconcious and Charles says a few seconds. Charles tries to explain and Des says it's alright, he understands. He asks when they start the very important mission. Glasses and Des are walking through the jungle and Glasses wants to know why he's not acting like a psycho anymore. Sayid takes everyone out except Glasses. He must have a problem with shooting women. He points a gun at her and tells her run. He asks Desmond to come with him and Desmond complies like the good little boy he is. He seems so happy, like Charles slipped him some Zoloft or maybe some pot brownies. Now we're back in the stadium where Desmond has fainted after shaking Penny's hand. She asks if they've met before, makes sure he's alright and tries to run off, ponytail bouncing. He stops her and asks her out for coffee. She says no because she stinks. Thankfully someone on this show finally worries about the stank. She sets up a time and a place. He goes back to the limo. George asks if Des found what he was looking for. He offers to whatever Des needs. Des asks George to get 815 manifest. George asks why and Des says he needs to show them something.

I liked this episode. Plenty of Des, a little Daniel. It needed more Richard, though. And less Jack.

*George worked on the freighter. He tried to travel to the island from the freighter and ended up dying from time jumps because he did not have a constant. He's the one who took Des to the control room on the freighter to contact Penny, before it blew up.

Hurley next week! He's talking about how talking to dead people sucks and tells Jack to trust him. Oh, Jack. You and your trust issues.