LOST recap

Just so you know, I'm pretty messed up tonight (thanks, seasonal allergies!). I ended up having to take a mega dose of benedryl, so sorry if my recap is disjointed and has grammatical errors.

Previously on LOST this week. I feel so special. Last week they denied me my recap. Des in the slinky box, Sayid "kidnapping" Desmond. My beloved Richard talking about killing the plane.

Some convention talking about how everyone loves Hurley and Hurley opening chicken stores all over the world and giving his money away. Lurve him. Marvin Candle introducing Hurley as man of the year! YES! My daydreams usually start this way, no lie, complete with dinosaur trophy. Hurley's mom is needling him about girlfriends. She tells him that he needs to hang out with a woman who didn't nurse him. Hurley's mom always brings the lolz! He calls her disgusting and she informs him that he has a date with Rosalita. Then she slaps his face. I love Hurley's mom. She's officially my favorite LOST minor character of all time.

Hurley is putting a flower on Libby's grave on the island. It's pretty sad. He talks to her about how ghosts talk to him, but Libby doesn't. Illana comes to tell Hugo that we're all taking a fun trip to the Black Rock to get some dynamite and Hurley's jazzed. He remembers how explosive his last trip was and is looking forward to some more good, "picking my castmate's flesh out of my hair" time. She asks about Libby and walks away while Hurley's talking about her. What the heck? Ice queen. Hurley hears foreboding voices coming from the crab grass and suddenly Michael appears and tells him he's there to stop Hurley from killing everybody. Michael tells Hurley if they blow up the plane that people will die and it's going to be his fault because people are listening to Hurley now. Jack comes up and breaks it up. No one has a conversation that Jack is not a part of.

Sideways Hurley has been stood up by Rosalita at a Tex Mex restaurant. Mmmm....I really want some salsa now. Suddenly Libby walks up. He tells her she's pretty. She tells him she's not Rosalita and he's bummed. She reveals that she saw him in a Desmond/Charlie near death vision. The bad senator from X-Men comes and retrieves Libby. She tells him that she meant everything she said. They're soul mates. She's getting in the booby hatch van to Santa Rosa Mental Health Institute. He smiles an "aw shucks" half smile. Poor Hurley. Nothing like finding out that the person you love is a few cards short of a deck.

Hurley tries convince Illana that they shouldn't blow up the plane. He's pretty hilarious in his conversation. Richard looks confused, because Jin's not there to look confused, so someone has to look confused. Illana shockingly blows herself up trying to prove how responsible she is with dynamite. Seriously. My face was like this D: . One minute Illana is calling Hurley and Moron and then she's just gone in a flash of light and puff of smoke. At least she's with her beloved Jacob now. I'm kind of bummed, because Illana was playing the part of someone with a gigantic stick up their butt. Now someone else is going to have to take on that role. No worries. Jack was standing nearby and I'm sure he will attack that role with fervor. Bonus for the beach people. They don't have to bury her, so they won't lose any time.

Locke is whittling wood and Sawyer asks if he talks to wood now. Locke says, "That's what she said." and they both laugh uproariously over a couple of beers. Kate asks what they're waiting for and Locke waves his huge knife in Kate's face and tells her to stop being such a killjoy. Sayid shows up and leads Locke to loopy, but still beautiful, Desmond.

Hurley walks up to a hut on the beach...whose hut? Illana maybe? He finds a bag (Jacob's ashes??) and closes it. Then he takes it, because if someone blows themselves up on the beach it's finders keepers when looting their hut. Richard is flailing around and says they should go for more dynamite. Richard has been doing a lot of flailing lately. I hope he's feeling okay. He seems to have lost control of his arms. Jack's trying to be the boss. I told you he'd take possession of Illana's stick. Hurley tells them to go get the dynamite, Richard's right. Everyone says, "Duuuuuurrrr, okay Hurley, whatever you say! We're stoopid by the way."

Sideways Hurley walks into one of his restaurants and orders a bucket of chicken. The cashier says something about the size of the chicken bucket and Hurley grabs his throat and yells, "Lay off me, I'm starving!" Who's staring at him from the soda machine? It's DES! I love Sideways Des so much. He's sexy and wears metrosexual shirts. Des comments on Hurley's large amount of chicken. Hurley explains about Libby and Desmond asks him if she believed her. Hurley said yes. Des is intrigued. He tells Hurley to go with his gut and try to find out where she thinks she knows him from before he gives up on her. Sideways Des is cupid. He needs wings, a diaper, and bow and arrows.

Locke squats down in front of Desmond, who has been tied to a tree by Sayid. Desmond assures Locke he won't run away and Locke cuts his ropes. Locke asks why Des is back at the island. Des explains about the slinky box. Locke asks if Des knows who he is and Des says he's John Locke. Locke takes a walk with Des (ummmm...serioulsy jealous of Locke right now). Ben is being philosophical about Illana's death and wonders what will happen to them when the island is done with them. They're back at the Black Rock now. Richard says he's going in alone. Suddenly Hurley comes running from the Black Rock and the whole ship goes up in a big shebang. Richard is going to tear him up. Richard asks why he did it and Hurley said he's protecting them. Okay, sidenote...HOW DID HURLEY BEAT THESE PEOPLE TO THE BLACK ROCK?! He's not the fastest person by any means. Really?? This and the Hot Pocket thing from last season are just asking me to suspend reality too much. A magical island that entraps people? Sure. Two entities arguing over whether people are inherently good or bad? Sure. One of those entities can turn into a pillar of smoke and bust out the Kung Fu? Sure? Hurley running faster than Richard? NOT POSSIBLE. Moving on.

Everybody's yelling at Hurley. Miles says a warning would be nice, and Hurley points out that he told them to run. He tells Miles about Michael. Miles and Hurley build some camaraderie over the whole dead people talking to them link. Hurley says that dead people are more reliable than alive people.

Hurley's at the mental institution asking to see Libby and the watery senator from X-Men denies him access. Burn! He says that Libby has issues with reality. Hurley writes dude a check to improve the rec room. Everyone's having fun in the new rec room and Hurley finally gets to see Libby. She looks so pretty. Crazy suits her. He asks her to tell him her story. She tells him about seeing him on the TV and memories of him, in another life. She tells about the crash and the island. She then tells him that she's been here (in the hospital) before and she thinks he's been there, too. She asks if he remembers her and he tells her no and apologizes. He lets her know he's not put off by her insanity. He asks her about leaving the hospital. He asks her out on a date, and she says yes. Awwwwww.

Did Locke and Co. not hear the explosion? Because it had to be pretty loud. Desmond tells Locke that the island has it in for all of them. The creepy boy is back. Locke tells Des to ignore him and boy smiles a creepy smile at Desmond before running away. Richard's still freaking out. Hurley tells Richard that Jacob says they should go talk to Locke. Richard tells Hurley to ask Jacob what the island is. Hurley walks up and tells Richard that he has nothing to prove to him and he can either come with him or stay and blow stuff up. Richard tells them that if Locke leaves the island everything is over. Ben volunteers to go with Richard. Miles goes too. Good old Lepedis, Jack, and Sun say they're going with Hurley. Richard is bumfuddled and tells them to stay out of his way.

Hurley's leading everyone through the jungle with torches. Sun asks Lepedis if they made a mistake following Hurley and Lepedis says probably. Hurley asks how to talk to a smoke monster. He tells Jack he didn't see Jacob. Jack says he knows and it's hard for him to sit back and let other people tell him what to do. Yeah, Jack. None of us could tell that you were having authority issues. Thanks for the explanation, Captain Obvious. Jack tells Hurley that he trusts him. Whispers in the woods and Hurley says he knows what they are and goes stumbling off in the woods. He finds Michael on the trail and asks Michael if he's stuck on the island and Michael says yes, because of what he did. Michael says there are others, the ones who can't move on. Hurley asks if he can help Michael and Michael tells him to stay alive. He also asks Hurley to tell Libby he's sorry if he ever sees her again.

Hurley and Libby are on the beach enjoying some cheese, because everybody likes cheese, right Hurley? Libby is staring at the ocean. She says being on the beach with Hurley seems familiar, like they're on a date they never had. She asks why he wants to be with her and he asks her the same question. She says she wants to be with him because she likes him. Libby kisses him and Hurley has memories. YAY! Chick's just happy that she's not crazy. Desmond is watching from a distance and drives off in his new, not seawater soaked car.

Locke and Des come out to an abandoned well in the middle of nowhere. There should be a lid on that well. If we learned anything from the 80's, it's that you cover up your backyard well. Locke drops a torch down in the well to show him how deep it is. Locke says the well was dug by hand. He said people were looking for electromagnetism. Locke explains that Charles is only interested in power and he wants Des here to help him find what he's looking for. Des calls Locke on his bullcrap. Locke asks why he isn't afraid. Des asks what the point is in being afraid. Locke smiles, grimaces and throws Desmond down the well. OH MY WORD. I am about to bust Locke's butt. He is definitely evil. Sawyer asked where he's been, but stops mid sentence because he sees Hurley coming into the camp. Hurley confronts Locke and asks to talk to him. Hurley tells him that no one is going to hurt or kill anyone. Locke gives Hurley his knife and his word that nothing will go down. Lepedis, Sun, and Jack emerge from the woods. Sun looks hopeful, but sees no sign of Jin. Locke greets Jack and gives him sinister eyeball and I'm pretty sure Jack wets his pants.

Sideways Des is watching wheelchair Locke. Ben knocks on his window and questions him about his purpose, being that he's been at the school staring at kids all day. Des said he's looking for a school for his son, Charlie. Ben sends him on his way. Des takes off and hits Locke in his wheelchair and keeps going.

Previews, Des is alive in the well, creepy music, explosions, lots of guns and something that looks like Sayid shooting Des in the well.

Well, we know what the whispers are now! Insights in the comments.