LOST recap

Desmond eyeball. They're waking Des up in the sub infirmary. Glasses is talking to him and he gives her the stinkeye. Why does everyone on this show, even the civilized ones, look like they reek of B.O.? Except for Richard. He smells like rainbows and marshmallows. Glasses (I know she has a name, but I'm past the point of bothering to learn these people's names) says she's not a nurse and he asks for Penny. Charles comes out and Desmond freaks, naturally. I just realized there are three people on this show named Charles. The secret ending is that everyone is the same person! Charlie assures Desmond that Penny and little Charlie are fine, except that they're probably freaking out because Des just vanished from the hospital, stupid. Charles reveals that Desmond is on the island. Des' face starts twitching like crazy and he attacks Charles with an IV pole. Desmond screams in agony. Jin asks why Desmond is there and Charles tells glasses to take them to another room and start the test. Glasses protests, but Widmore says, "Get in your place, woman! And make me a sandwich!" Patton Oswald stunt guy is freaking out because Jin scares the poopy out of him. When he finds out that Desmond is coming he freaks out more. He must have heard about Des' mad IV pole skills. Patton Oswald stuntman sends a man into the generator. Everyone holds their breath. Some guy doesn't make sure that the big slinky room was empty and red shirt number 93093094857290934587 on the island gets fried. Desmond sees the crispified man and freaks out some more.

They cover him with a sheet and Charles tells him to take the guy away because he's medium rare and Charles likes his extras well done. They drag Desmond inside and strap him to a chair between the giant slinkies. Charles asks Desmond to make a sacrifice. He says if Des doesn't participate everyone will disappear. Probably in a puff of black smoke. HAHA! Jin tries to talk, but Charles tells him to shut up and Jin looks confused. Yay for continuity! They turn on the machine and everyone looks like they need some new pants. Charles throws the slinky switch. Desmond is going nuts and rightfully so. He collapsed in a flash of light. I hate them. Now we're floating sideways through the clouds. Desmond is in the airport staring at the flight board, because that's what you do at an airport to fit in. Hurley tells him the luggage is on carousel four. Desmond helps Claire with her suitcase and asks her what her baby is. He sees his bag and then walks out with Claire. He offers her a ride. Des is into pregnant chicks. Des tells Claire she's having a boy because he's awesomepsychic. Desmond's driver, George*, picks him up at the airport and offers to take Des to his hotel and Des says, "Heck no! Take me to the office. Des only sleeps once a week and when he does sleep he sleeps sitting up in a chair." The guy offers to find Desmond some companionship and he tells the guy to get out of his face. Des goes to see his boss. Charles Widmore. He's the DEBIL! They're friends.

Des is staring at a toy sailboat on Charles' wall. Charles yells at someone on the phone. Charles says his son is a musician and in a band called Driveshaft. Crazy. Charles offers Des a drink of his fancy scotch that he once told Des he wasn't good enough to drink and Des said, "Heck yes, I'll drink it! I am THE AWESOME!" Des goes to bail out Charlie. Charlie walks away like some rebellious teenager. He jaywalks right in front of the police station and none of the police officers do anything about it. They go into the bar and get a drink. Charlie starts badmouthing Des and Des tells him to shut his mouth. You do not talk to The Awesome like that. Charlie asks Des if he's been in love before. Charlie says he saw love on the plane back from Sydney. Des asks him to explain it. Charlie describes seeing Claire and how beautiful she was. Des calls him a poet and tells him to write a song about it, then he tells him he has a choice, be a loser, or go hang out in Charles' super posh hotel suite. He tells Desmond he doesn't really have a choice and Des says there's always a choice. They drive around to "You All Everybody" and for a second the camera focuses on random guy walking down the beach. For a second I think he's significant, but he's not. Oh wait, Charlie drives them off the pier because he's S-M-R-T smart. Des tries to free Charlie but can't get his belt free. He swims up for air and dives back down because he's the hero in this saga, you'd better believe it. Charlie puts his hand on the window and for a split second, Desmond REMEMBERS the "Not Penny's Boat" scene. HOLY MOLY! That gave me chills. Charlie gives Desmond a Locke-worthy creeptastic smile and then goes back to being a drowned man. Des pulls Charlie to the surface and calls for help.

An ER doc is checking Desmond over and asks him about hallucinations and he thinks, "Oh cripes! She knows I saw creepy Charlie hand!" She sends him for an MRI. Sideways Desmond has no friends or family. Bless his little hero heart. Technician gives him a panic button. They put him in the tube. I've had an MRI before and let me tell you, they suck. That's not a clinical term. In the MRI Des starts seeing his sidways past/future life with Penny. It disappears and he freaks. Des is looking for Charlie. The nurse is not being helpful, so Des asks Jack to help him. He doesn't need help, though, because Charlie is running down the hall in nothing but a hospital gown. Run, Charlie! Run! At least he's in L.A. and it's not cold outside. Des asks Charlie about Penny and Charlie says, "You felt it, didn't you?" Charlie leaves, but tells Desmond he'd better find Penny. So do near-death experiences bring back memories of the island? Coooooool. So now that Charlie's "seen" Claire, it seems he's deeply driven to find her.

Desmond tells Charles that Charlie escaped and he's being a meanie pants to Des and tells Des to tell Mrs. Widmore (Eloise I'm guessing?) that it's only a bloody concert. Desmond goes to find her to tell her that because he's the man. Eloise is Charles' wife. YES! And she's blathering on and on about butter knives or something. She seems surprised to see Desmond, but covers nicely. Des explains that Charlie ran away from the hospital in a backless gown. He says he takes full responsibility and she tells him not to worry about it. She forgot to be a wench because Desmond is so hot. He sexed the meanness right out of her. Desmond hears some people talking about Penny and Eloise takes the list from him. She tells him to shut up. She's going to give him the what for. She tells him to STOP doing whatever it is he's doing. He asks if she knows what he's looking for. He asks to see the list and she tells him that he's not ready yet. Des asks George if there's any alcohol in the car. Daniel comes up and knocks on the window. I love how they try to make it look mysterious "who is that?" I'd recognize Daniel anywhere, even if he is wearing a hat. Daniel tells Desmond that they need to talk.

They get out to walk and Daniel is still in his skinny tie. Daniel asks Des if he believes in love at first sight. He describes Charlotte. They basically have the same discussion as Charlie. Daniel shows Desmond his journal. he's written quantumn mechanics and he's just a musician right now. He describes the equation and Daniel asks, what if this wasn't supposed to be our life, what if something changed everything. He tells Des he doesn't want to set off a nuclear bomb. He thinks he already did. Des brushes him off and Daniel asks about Penny. Daniel asks what he saw/felt. Desmond says he doesn't know and Daniel tells him that he felt love. Des says Penny is just an idea and Daniel says no, Penny's his half sister and tells Des where to find her. Penny is running bleachers in a ginourmous stadium. Des follows her like a creepy stalker and catches her at the bottom of the stairs. He introduces himself and says hello and holds out his hand to shake hers. Suddenly we're back in the slinky box and Des is looking a little red. Charles looks proud of his boy as Glasses tries to blind him with a pen light, because she's a stinky scientist, not a doctor. Des asks how long he was unconcious and Charles says a few seconds. Charles tries to explain and Des says it's alright, he understands. He asks when they start the very important mission. Glasses and Des are walking through the jungle and Glasses wants to know why he's not acting like a psycho anymore. Sayid takes everyone out except Glasses. He must have a problem with shooting women. He points a gun at her and tells her run. He asks Desmond to come with him and Desmond complies like the good little boy he is. He seems so happy, like Charles slipped him some Zoloft or maybe some pot brownies. Now we're back in the stadium where Desmond has fainted after shaking Penny's hand. She asks if they've met before, makes sure he's alright and tries to run off, ponytail bouncing. He stops her and asks her out for coffee. She says no because she stinks. Thankfully someone on this show finally worries about the stank. She sets up a time and a place. He goes back to the limo. George asks if Des found what he was looking for. He offers to whatever Des needs. Des asks George to get 815 manifest. George asks why and Des says he needs to show them something.

I liked this episode. Plenty of Des, a little Daniel. It needed more Richard, though. And less Jack.

*George worked on the freighter. He tried to travel to the island from the freighter and ended up dying from time jumps because he did not have a constant. He's the one who took Des to the control room on the freighter to contact Penny, before it blew up.

Hurley next week! He's talking about how talking to dead people sucks and tells Jack to trust him. Oh, Jack. You and your trust issues.

What I've been up to

I know you've been wondering. First of all, the reason my LOST post was so late was because we're having trouble with our television. The problem is that it's on too much. So if we feel like going out and having fun, or staying in and having a backgammon tournament, we do that instead of turning on the TV. So we missed LOST on Tuesday and I didn't get to watch it until Wednesday.

I also would like to ask why all you people are reading my blog and not commenting? Throw a girl a bone now and then! As of right now, Michele wins my awesomest blog reader award because she comments! And congrats to her because she's about to have another baby! Here's hoping it's not on a Tuesday, Michele!

What I've been up to is this:

1) Making M's Easter dress.
Yeah, I know. I was cutting it down to the wire. What can I say? I like to live on the edge with my sewing.

Front view

Back view
For the record, this is my favorite fabric ever. I need to go buy more before they discontinue it. Also, my friend was over the other day and said, "How smart! You used a ribbon for a sash!" Yeah, that's called being lazy because I didn't want to make a sash, but thanks.


2) Making fun burp rags for my friend.

I love making burp rags. They're fast, easy, and they turn out beautiful. Why have your baby puke all over an ugly burp rag when you can have one of my beautiful ones! Oh, and they wash out.

My favorite is the one on the far left. I need to buy out that fabric, too. I like the colorful flowers in the center right, too.

3)Decorating our French doors with M

We don't have much room in this house. It's pretty crowded and we just repainted with the intention of putting the house on the market, so we can't hang anything on the walls (I just accidentally typed anythong. For the record we won't hang anythong on the wall either). So M and I decorate the French doors. Right now we're working on spring scenes. The photos are dark because my camera only uses the flash when it feels like it. Temperamental weirdo camera.


First of all, M is big on glitter. She loves the stuff. So we use it in just about every craft we do. The butterflies are fold and paint. Very simple. Cut a butterfly out of construction paper, let your child paint one half of the butterfly, then fold the wings over and smash them together. Pull them apart and they have the same pattern on both wings. M loved it because of the paint and the smashing. I loved it because it wasn't too messy and it wasn't frustrating for her, as a lot of crafts are at this stage. Oh, and the penguins were one of our winter crafts, but she won't let me take them down.

The other door is our "rainy" door. That may change as we get into the summer and the rain lets up some.

4) Enjoying the bea-u-ti-ful weather we've been having lately.

This winter has been rough. Usually I'm all about winter and big cozy sweaters, fires in the fireplace, and hot cocoa, but I can only push so many cars out of my ditch, who landed there because of the unrelenting snow, before winter starts to take a toll on me. It's been wonderful to see dogwoods blooming and feel the warm sunshine again.


5)Acheiving a milestone....and saying goodbye to babydom.

What do these flowers have to do with M growing up? Good question. Hubs bought M these daisies the other day because she loves flowers, she's insanley jealous when he buys me flowers, and because M is potty trained. That's right. I don't have a baby anymore. I have a big girl. It's bittersweet. I love that we're not going to have to shell out the big bucks for diapers anymore, but, seriously, I miss my little baby. I'm proud of my big girl, but I can't believe she's this grown up.


What have you been up to lately?

LOST recap

Previews are of Jin getting arrested in airport and Hurley telling Richard to stop the man in black. Darth Locke sending Sawyer after the plane, Sawyer with Widmore, Sawyer screwing everyone over.

Creepy night vision watching Kate and Sawyer. Claire is still busy being the crazy cat woman, DarthLocke is spinning a stick, and Jin dressing his wounds. DarthLocke has set his sights on Jin. I really wish they would get rid of the V graphic. Claire squats down nearby. Locke tells Jin that no one can leave the island unless all of the candidates leave together. Hmmm...that's interesting.

Airport security is taking Jin's $25,000. Sun questions Jin and Jin says he does whatever big daddy tells him to do. Apparently Jin and Sun are not married in alternate reality. Iiiiiiinteresting. Darth Locke leaves and tells Sayid he's in charge. Sayid says he has no feelings. OH NO! He's turning into Shannon! Locke says it will help him get through what's coming. Jin gets up to follow Locke and Sawyer gets up to follow Jin. Jin tries to tell Saywer that Locke is bad and he's hit in the chest with a poison dart, and so is everyone else! It's Widmore's men and they're after Jin. What do they want with Jin? Who's going to sit around looking confused now?

Lepedis and Miles are playing cards on the beach and Ben is questioning Illana and he's getting on her last nerve. Jack comes stumbling up and takes a drink of what I'm guessing is fermented sea water. Sun throws a knife and storms off the beach. Storming off the beach is the popular thing to do. Sun is weeding her garden. Jack tells her about the lighthouse. She tells Jack to shut his trap and go bother someone else. Surprisingly she's the one who cries, not him.

Alternate reality Jin knocks on Sun's door and tells her he's going to deliver the watch and she lets him in her room. Kinky. Anyway he asks why she's not out shopping. She starts unbuttoning her shirt. Wow. Alternate reality Sun is a tramp. So they're having an alternate reality affair.

Sun cuts her finger and looks sad about it. DarthLocke shows up and scares Sun out of her pants (if it were alternate reality Sun she would have taken her pants off literally). DarthLocke tells her he found Jin and tries to hold her hand. She is standing in front of a huge red plant like one I have never seen before and it's very distracting. She runs and Locke chases her.

Sun and Locke are running through the .....cornfield? Sun runs into a tree. You gotta watch out for those trees, Sun. They come out of nowhere.

Alternate Reality Sun wakes up and laughs at Jin. She suggest running away and tells him she has money. He asked if she planned this and she laughs. He says he loves her. Awwwwwwwwww. She tells him there's something he needs to know. Keamey's at the door and he has BIG teeth. He pushes his way into the room.

Ben finds Sun and helps her up. She has a nasty bump on her head. All the sudden she can't speak English. Ben tells her to slow down and asks who did it. She tells him Locke. DarthLocke comes into camp and finds all his minions facedown on the ground. It would of been great if he had fallen to his knees and yelled, "MY MINIONS!" at the sky. He stomps around, clearly pissed off, because his minions apparently broke into his liquor cabinet and had a huge party after he left. He wakes Sayid up and asks where Jin is.

Jin's okay. He's in the torture room where Ben locked up Alex's boyfriend. Weird glasses girl is questioning him and he tries to leave. She tasers him because she's EVIL. She wants Jin to answer questions about his Dharma maps. He asks to speak to Widmore.

Locke is sending Sayid to Hydra. Claire is giving Locke the stinkeye. She is still so dirty. Wash your face, Claire! She asks Locke if her name was on the wall. It's revealed that Claire is not a candidate, and neither is Kate. He also tells Claire that neither she or Kate are candidates, but he still needs them. Ew. DarthLocke is a dirty old man. She wants to kill Kate. He tells Claire that if Kate helps him get the other three candidates, then she can have Kate.

Sawyer confronts Locke and uses some salty language, but he wouldn't be our Sawyer without salty language. Locke and Sayid leave for Hydra to go find Jin.

AR Sun give Keamey the watch. Bald man comes in and says he can't find Mr. Kwon. Keamey notices that there are two champagne flutes, so Jin's either in the room or Sun's a raging drunk. Jin sucks at hiding. He didn't even get in the shower. He was just standing there, right in front of the door. They have an associate who speaks many languages. Mikhail! It's Mikhail who blew up the Looking Glass and killed Charlie. Keamey doesn't want Sun's money. Keamey takes Jin to the restaurant for some eggs because Kemey's all about the eggs.

Back on the beach Jack is treating Sun's head injury. Illana is smiling and Miles asks her why. It's because Richard is back! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. On Hydra Locke walks up to the smoke monster fence and thinks it's funny that they are shooting at him because he has a sick sense of humor. They walk him down the beach to talk to Widmore. Locke asks him about Jin and Charles feigns ignorance. Locke declares war on Charles. Can evil war against evil like that? Shouldn't they join forces so they can be the SUPEREVIL?

Richard has them pack up and Jack is questioning him, of course, because Jack can't stand it when someone else is the leader. Sun goes off on Richard and...can you guess what she did? Yeah, she storms off the beach.

AR Sun is at the bank and they tell her that the account is closed, by Mr. Paik. At the restaurant Baldy is locking Jin in the meat locker and Keamey tells him to be careful. He gets a wet cloth to clean Jin's head. Then he ties him up with some duct tape. Keamey reveals that Paik knew about the affair and the 25,000 was Keamey's fee to kill Jin. Keamey says he's sorry and tapes Jin's mouth shut.

Widmore and Glasses argue about Jin. Charles asks her to get a package from the submarine and take it to the infirmary. Widmore goes to speak with Jin. He shows Jin Sun's camera with pictures of their daughter. Jin cries. Take note, Jack, this is something real that a man should cry about. Widmore tells Jin that if DarthLocke gets off the island that everything will cease to be. They have to stop the man in black. He then invites Jin to the infirmary to see the package, who is a who, not a what. So, is Widmore good now? I'm so confused.

AR Jin is sitting in the meat locker and hears Sayid kill Keamy and Co. He panics and starts kicking the door, because that's what you do when you hear a raging gunfight on the other side of the door. Sayid barges in. Jin asks Sayid to free him and Sayid gives him the razor blade and tells him good luck. Mikhail takes Sun to the restaurant and pulls his gun. Sun freaks when she sees Keamey and his goonies all dead on the floor. Jin pulls a gun on Mikhail. Jin tells him to put the gun down or he'll kill him. In the fight Sun gets shot. Jin gathers her up and she tells him she's pregnant.

Jack comes up to Sun on the beach and she ignores him. Go sister. Jack gives her a notepad and tells her to try to write English. She can. Yay! This is how I communicated all through my laryngitis. Jack tells her he found something in her garden when he was looking for Locke. It's a tomato from her garden. Sun writes that she's sorry and draws an emoticon. Jack tells her it's ok. He asks what Locke said. She says he said he had Jin, but she doesn't trust....I'm not sure what she doesn't trust. I think it says, "I don't trust V." Stupid V logo. She doesn't trust DarthLocke. Jack asks if she trusts him and she says yes and he promises to help her find Jin if she just comes with him. She agrees.

Kate's sitting next to Sawyer shooting the breeze about STDs or something. She asks why he's not worried and he says he is, he just isn't a heaver and a hand flapper like Kate. Locke comes wandering out of the jungle and tells Sawyer he sent Sayid to find out what was in the locked room on the sub. Glasses and someone are dragging Des out of the sub. I want to kill these people. Now I want evil Sayid to kill them and for the smoke monster to win. They have my Des, and they are not being nice to him.

Previews: We are rocking the bagpipes next week.

LOST recap

Richard RICHARD!!!!!

We see bandaged hospital eye and Jacob is coming up to talk to it. So we're back to eyeball opening shots. It's Illana. She looks beat up. They profess their undying love or something. I don't do good with captions. Jacob asks her to protect the remaining six candidates. Illana and Jacob are talking about how she's to bring them to the temple. She asks him what they're supposed to do after that and Jacob tells her to ask Ricardos. Back on the beach the gang is telling scary stories around the fire and Illana turns and asks Richard what to do next. Richards laughs the creepiest laugh every heard in the history of ageless beautiful men. He then tells them that Jacob is a big fat liar and probably doesn't even iron his own shirts. He offers to tell Jack a secret. He tells Jack that he's dead, they're all dead, and the island is not what he thinks it is. They're in hell. He suggests they stop listening to Jacob and start listening to someone else, like Billy Idol, and stomps off into the jungle as the "Who's Afraid of the Dark" gang stares after him.

Richard is stomping through the woods. Illana takes up her torch to follow him. Jack tells her that Richard is about to be hauled off to the booby hatch and they go back to the campfire. Ben's being all cryptic with Jack and it's funny. Hurley's off on the beach speaking Spanish to invisible person. He tells Jack he's not talking to Jacob and it has nothing to do with Jack. Ben tells Illana that going after Richard is useless because he doesn't know anything. He tells Frank that Richard is ageless. Everyone talks about the candidates and Sun says that she, Jack, and Hurley are candidates. Lepedis throws up his hands in exasperation because can't an old pilot get some island love, too?! Richard is wondering through the woods like a lost puppy. Speaking of lost puppies, where is Vincent? Cut to Richard riding a horse on Canary island in 1867 and he is seeeeeeexy. He goes to a hut and finds Salma Hayek? No, just looks a lot like her. She starts coughing up blood and Richard realizes this shiz is real. He says he's going for a doctor. Luckily I speak Spanish, so I'm not having to read annoying subtitles. She gives him her cross necklace and tells him to give it to the doctor. Who's already figured out that Hurley is talking to her? Yeah, kinda obvious. Richard promises to save her and runs out into the sudden dark and rain while she clutches her Bible. Richard breaks into the doctor's house. The doctor picks his teeth and continues his dinner. He says he's not riding to Richard's house in the pouring rain, because he's kind of a pansy, and the rain may mess up his hair. Richard gives him money and the doctor sneers at it, so Richard gives him the gold cross. The doctor says it's worthless and throws it across the floor. Richard kills him by accident. WHOOPS! The butler stares at him and holds a big pile of blankets. That butler is worthless. He didn't even try to stop Richard. Richard gets home to find his wife dead with her Bible in her hand. This is sad. He killed doctor for nothing and now Isabella is dead. The lynch mob comes for Richard. Cut to Richard in prison. The priest brings Richard some food and giggles at his English Bible. Richard asks the father for forgiveness and he said no, he gives no absolution for murder. The father tells him that he needs to serve penance, but it's too late because they're going to hang him tomorrow.

Commercial. Hubs and I have an argument over which bike helmet to get for DD for her birthday. We decide on the pink one.

Richard's in his jail cell. They blindfold him and he prays the whole way to where he's going. They look at his teeth. Mr. Whitfield asks if he speaks English and Richard looks at him like he's crazy. They tell him to go away, but Richard yells that he can speak English. Dude buys him and says he's now property of Magnus Hanso. Hanso! Oooooooo....

Cut to the slave ship in a bad storm. They can't see anything, but then someone says he sees land, an island. They see the statue and all start screaming that it's the debil. Of course. Every large statue is the debil. Their boat hits the top of the statue. All the slaves are laying there dead. One dude starts coughing and it wakes Richard up. The guy is happy that they are spared. They hear someone yelling that they're in a jungle. The slaves start yelling for help and the captain comes down and glares at them. He then starts stabbing them all with his sword. Dude, that's a little harsh. Richard's freaking out, because, of course, he's last on the stabbing list. Clicky Smoke monster shows up at that point and starts rocking the boat, literally and figuratively. Richard and the captain are confused and blood starts dripping down onto he captain. Suddenly the smoke consumes him. Richard keeps trying to free himself from his shackles and hears Smokey sneaking down the steps. Smokey comes right up to Richard and sniffs him. Yes, he does smell like unicorns and rainbows. Suddenly Smokey is gone. Richard still stands still, just in case.

A blue butterfly flies by Richard, but he's not into enjoying nature right now. Suddenly it begins to storm and water runs into the ship, just out of Richard's drinking reach. Bless his heart, hours later he's still trying to dig that nail out of the the floor and then trying to dig his shackles out of the wall. He finally gives up when suddenly he notices a boar in the ship, eating one of his fellow slaves. BARF! Richard tells the pig he'll kill him and the pig runs away, but OH NOES! Richard drops his trusty nail just out of his reach. We hear someone saying hello and asking if anyone is here in Spanish. It's Isabella. She runs to him and hugs him. They better get off the "this is hell" vein they're on. This is kind of ridiculous. She tries to save him and Smokey comes back. Richard sends her away and she is killed by Smokey. Only, she is Smokey. We all know this, right? Poor Richard is now in a bad way. Someone comes up behind Richard with a cup and a pitcher. They touch his shoulder and he wakes up. He springs away from them and they give him some water. It's the man in black. He says he's a friend. The man confirms that he's in hell. The man tells him that the black smoke has Isabella. The man needs a name. I'll call him Ernie. Ernie says he'll help him. The man says that he'll let Richard go if Richard does whatever Ernie tells him to do. Don't do it, Richard! That deal never turned out well in elementary school. Man, Richard's arm look like ground beef. He thanks Ernie for unlocking his shackles. He tells Richard, "It's good to see you out of those chains," which is what DarthLocke said to Richard on the beach. He says there's only one way out of hell. You have to kill the devil. So Ernie tried to use Richard to kill Jacob before he used Locke.

Richard and Ernie are on the beach. He tells Richard to go to Jacob and stab him and gives him the same instructions that Dogan gave to Sayid about stabbing DarthLocke. DarthLocke confirms that he's the smoke monster and killed everyone. He also tells Richard he will never see Isabella again unless he kills Jacob. Richard takes the dagger. Richard goes to the beach and finds the foot statue. Dude, Ernie is a jerk. He didn't even let Richard eat/drink/or dress his wounds before he sent him on a killing mission. Someone kicks Richard in the gut and knocks him down. Jacob has some Kung Fu moves and he's so pissed that Richard is in his yard. I can practically hear him yelling, "This is my Frisbee now! I'm keeping it! Darn kids!" He asked Richard about the man in black. Jacob thinks it's lol funny that Richard thinks he's dead. He tries to drown Richard and asks him if he thinks he's dead now. Richard says he wants to live and Jacob drags him back to the beach. Jacob calls him sensible and tells him to get up, they need to talk. There must be something significant about the knife because he asked Richard, "Where did you get this?"

Richard's wrapped in a blanket on the beach and Jacob brings him some good, old beach moonshine. Richard asks to go in the foot and Jacob freezes him out. Jacob doesn't just let anyone into his giant foot. Richard asks if he's the devil. Jacob says no, that he brought the ship to the island. Richard asks why and Jacob drinks some shine. He tells Richard to think of the wine in the bottle as hell. He says it can't get out because it would spread. The island is the cork and it's the only thing keeping the darkness where it belongs. The man in black believes everyone is corruptible and Jacob brings people here to prove him wrong. Jacob says it's all meaningless to force people to be good, they should choose on their own. Why should he step in? Richard says if Jacob doesn't, Ernie will. Jacob offers him a job, being his representative. Richard asks for his wife as payment. Jacob says no. Richard asks for absolution. Jacob says no. He asks to live forever. Jacob says yes. Richard goes back to Ernie and Ernie is pissed. He gives Ernie a rock from Jacob, because it's hard to come by fancy gifts on a magical island and all. Man in black says that Jacob is very convincing and if he ever changes his mind that his offer still stands. Then he takes his rock, gives Richard Isabella's necklace, and disappears in a puff of smoke. Richard kisses and buries the necklace. I waaannnnttt to huuuuuugggg himmmm!

Present Richard is still staggering through the jungle and he comes to a gateway of sorts. He finds where he buried Isabella's necklace under the park bench and digs it up. He says he changed his mind out loud and asks if Darth Lock is listening. He asks if the offer still stands, shouts it, and there's Hurley behind him. He shoves Hurley. Hurley yells at him to simmer down and says that Isabella sent him. Isabella wants to know why Richard buried her cross. Hurley and Isabella converse in Spanish. She compliments Richard's English. He asks if she's really there. She tells him to close his eyes. He does. He cries as she tells him it's not his fault that she died and he tells her he would do anything to be with her again. She kisses him and disappears. Hurley tells Richard that Isabella is gone. Richard puts her cross on and thanks Hurley. Hurley says that Isabella said Richard has to stop the man in black from leaving the island or we all go to hell. Darth Locke watches from a distance.

You think the episodes' over, but it's not. Those tricky LOST writers. Man in black sits on a rock staring at the island because he's a deep, contemplative man like that. He's playing with his rock and Jacob walks up and tells him good morning. Jacob asks why man in black tries to kill him and the guy says he wants to leave. He promises to kill Jacob and anyone who takes his place. Jacob gives him the wine and says, "Hey, get drunk on me!" Man in black breaks the wine bottle in frustration.

Previews: DarthLocke says he comes in peace. DarthLocke tries to take Sun. Then we get a shot that looks like dead Sun in the jungle.

Sooo....Jacob is just as bad as Ernie. Yeah, he believes in inherent good, but is it right to draw people to the island just to prove his theory? I mean, these people die, are ripped from the ones they love, etc., all for the sake of an argument between MiB and Jacob. Doesn't seem right on either of their parts.

A Moment of Silence

I have laryngitis. I have had no voice for three days. It is TORTURE for me. It's even harder with a preschooler running around. Here are the things that have happened since I got sick:

- M has put me in "time out" two mornings in a row because I didn't say, "Oooo Toooooooooodles!" when Mickey Mouse told me to.

- Hubs ate ALL of my Fruit Loops and I can't retaliate except to give him the stinkeye.

- One of my most talkative friends called me and talked for 10 minutes then hung up, and never realized that I didn't say anything.

- I followed Hubs around with a notebook and wrote stuff down for him. When he would laugh at me, I would draw him pictures of what I was going to do if he didn't stop laughing at me.

- Hubs let me use his laptop, which has software on it that will say what you type. It freaked M out and she hid from it and Hubs took it away from me when I kept typing, "I love you long Tim" and "You ruined a good joke, you, get out of my off ice." (If you don't watch the Office you won't get that).

- I forgot that I couldn't speak and drove through the McDonald's drive thru and sat at the speaker like a moron for a couple of minutes before driving off.

- Today my parents are visiting and I still can't talk. Should be an interesting trip for them. At least my mom understands sign language. We can communicate that way.

I hope everyone else is well! Michele, when is your baby due?

Lost recap

Sawyer's taking care of Jin in Claire's hut. Jin tries to run but Sawyer tells him to simmer down, Darth Locke's gonna save us all. The motely crue comes trudging up and Kate gives Sawyer the bedroom eyes. Sawyer looks at her like he's going to settle. Sideways flash! Sawyer is, well, being a Kate with some woman in a motel room. He gets up to go to a meeting and whoops! His giant briefcase full of money falls open. She pulls a gun and he tells her to put it down, that he's a cop and she's going to get busted if she doesn't cooperate. She calls him on his bluff, he whispers "La Fleur" and the door busts in. Lots of police officers, including MILES, bust into the room and arrest girl in her underwear. Miles calls Sawyer "partner" and tells him to put on some pants. PUT ON SOME PANTS, SAWYER! Seems to be the theme of this season.

Back on the island, everyone is standing around Claire's shanty. Kate goes inside and is looking around and makes fun of Claire's faux baby. Claire gives her a stinkeye and they walk outside. DarthLocke gives an inspirational speech and Claire reaches out to hold Kate's hand. Claire is clearly drunk. Sawyer asks Kate about the temple and she tells him that everyone except Miles got out. Sawyer is sad about this. Sideways Deputy Sawyer is sitting at his desk calling random Anthony Coopers from the phone book. Miles asks who that is and Sawyer says it's some guy setting him up with Lakers tickets. Miles points out that he's a better friend because he's setting Sawyer up with a girl instead of a ticket. He also asks Saywer if he's lying about Anthony Cooper and Sawyer gets all flustered. Back on the island Darth Locke reveals to Sawyer that he is the black smoke and asks him to go to Hydra island and infiltrate the crash victims. Then he reveals that they're going to use the plane to get off the island. He flatters Sawyer by calling him a good liar and Sawyer is putty in his hands.

Back in Sideways land, Sawyer goes to meet Miles' friend and it turns out to be Charlotte. Let me tell you, Sideways Charlotte is infinitley hotter than island Charlotte. They of course go straight to bed together, because, hey, that's what everybody does on a first date. She asks for a t-shirt and Sawyer goes to get some water. She's digging in his t-shirt drawer and comes across his "Sawyer" folder and discovers that Sawyer's parents are dead. He comes in the room and loses it and she stomps out and takes his top sheet with her. Witch. On the island Kate and Sayid are sitting on a log and Sayid is stoooooned. Claire comes out of nowhere, tackles Kate, and holds a knife to her throat. Sayid watches bemusedly, like someone who is watching a bear ride a tricycle at the circus, instead of someone who is watching a girl try to murder the island bicycle. Locke picks Claire up and tosses her across the jungle and then slaps her face. He tries to console Kate, but she's too busy being a drama queen, so he goes back to talk to Claire. Sawyer is on Hydra and finds a pile of dead bodies, a plane, and one survivor.

Sideways world Charlie's brother is at the police station trying to find Charlie. Sawyer blows him off. Miles comes storming up and drags Sawyer to the locker room where he unloads on him for lying about where he traveled to. He breaks up with Sawyer. No more bromance. Sawyer punches the mirror. We're up to 14 years of bad luck for the losties. Back on the island Locke comes up and comforts Kate. Kate is being a wench and points out that what he's saying is rich coming from a dead man. Locke laughs and tells her to get up, he wants to show her where Sawyer went. On Hydra, Sawyer and ragtag lady are going back to the boat. They're questioning each other and Sawyer catches on that she's not a simpleton and pulls his gun on her. She whistles and a whole bunch of people come out of the jungle with guns trained on Sawyer. Greeeaatt. That's what we needed. Another group of people. Thanks for creating more questions, writers! *insert big, sarcastic thumbs up here.*

Kate and Darth are sitting on the beach shooting the breeze. Darth is blaming everything that's wrong with him on his mother. That's so old, even therapists roll their eyes when they hear it. He tells Kate that now Aaron has a crazy mother to deal with. Basically, he's saying, "Way to go, Kate. You blew it again." Sawyer is marched through the jungle on Hydra, where the people are setting up smoke monster protection. They go to the dock and ooooohhhhh yeah. These people are Widmore's people.

Sideways Sawyer relaxes with TV dinner and an episode of Little House on the Prairie. Something about half-pint makes him want to go see Charlotte, but she kicks him and his "sad looking sunflower" out.

In the sub Sawyer asks what's behind the locked door and Simpleton tells him it's none of his business. He enters the room with Widmore. Widmore tries to shake his hand, but Sawyer won't. BURN. They talk and Sawyer basically promises to hand him Darth Locke if it gets him and the people in his boat safe passage off the island. They make a deal and Sawyer shakes hands with the debil.

On the island Claire breaks down, thanks Kate for taking care of Aaron. They have an awkward "trying not to discharge the rifle" hug. Sawyer drags his boat to the beach and tells Locke all about Widmore and co. I'm confused. I thought he was working for Widmore. Anyway. Sideways Sawyer is waiting for Miles and tells him to get into his car. He hands Miles the Sawyer file and tells him the whole dirty story. They start to talk about why a vigilante killing is a bad idea when a blue car smashes into Sawyer's car and he is not happy about it. The driver, who is wearing a hoodie (Hoodies are wonderful. Very versatile), runs into an alley and Sawyer cuts them off on the other end. He rips the hood off to reveal....Kate. Yeah, we already knew that. On the island Kate is cooking a rabbit, she thinks. Who doesn't know for sure what a rabbit looks like? She's such a tool. Anyway, she asks Sawyer why he's working for Locke and he says he's not working for anyone. He's just making sure that he and Kate get off the island. She laughs and says, "Even if we can get on that plane, who's going to fly it?" He reveals that they're not taking the plane. They're going to steal the sub. Yeah, because it's easier to pilot a submarine without instruction. Submarines are so easy to drive. It's like driving a car, just underwater.

Previews...RICHARD! NEXT WEEK IS A RICHARD EPISODE! RIIIIICCCCHHHHHHHAAAAARRRRDDDD!!

Thoughts in the comments. Peace out.

LOST recap

Ben running full tilt through the jungle and dude is scared. He sees a line of people marching through the jungle and realizes it's Illana and co. Ben tells them to book it back to the beach.

Mr. Ben, teacher, is talking about Elba island and the loss of Napoleon's power, and how it meant nothing that they let him keep the title, without the power he might as well be dead. Very haggard looking principal tells Ben he has to take care of detention and kick his History club to the curb. Ben sits down at his table to eat sushi (yum) with a very annoying Arzt, who's crying like a little girl because he got some formaldehyde on his shirt. Man up and buy a Tide-to-go pen. Substitute Locke suggests that Ben should be principal and Ben's all over that like white on rice. Ben is intrigued.

Illana wants Miles to read Jacob's ashes because she suspects Ben. Ben has an "Oh Crap" look on his face. She's totally going to kick him out of the cool kids club when she finds out. No sparkly earrings for Ben. Miles looks a little shaken up and tells Illana that Ben killed Jacob with a dagger. Everyone stares at Ben and he tries to play it off. Illana is pissed. They all stomp off and leave Ben shell-shocked in the jungle. Even Lepedis gives him the head shake.

It's now daytime and Illana and co. are now traveling and Ben is tagging along. The beach camp has been completely demolished. Ben asks what he can do and Illana ignores him. He tries to discredit Miles, but Illana walks away.

Ben is watching something microwave. Please let it be a hot pocket. No, it's a TV dinner for Uncle Rico who seems to be cancerous, and a whole lot nicer. Ben bemoans his job as he switches out Papa's oxygen tank. He calls himself a loser and Uncle Rico tries to console him. He also mentions that they were on the island with the Dharma initiative! Awesome! So the island did exist in normal reality. The doorbell rings and it's Alex, asking about history club. Ben is kind of being a closetalker. He promises to tutor her in the morning.

Illana is gathering tools with the fury of a woman scorned. Sun tries to talk to her and Illana bites her head off. Sheesh. Rein in the PMS, lady. Sun is the freaking Mary Poppins of the island and you're talking to her like she's DarthLocke or something. She reveals that she's supposed to protect someone named Kwon, along with the other candidates.

Hurley is sleeping in some soft looking grass and dreaming about cheese curds. Jack's rushing him to get to the temple and just walks off leaving the Hurls behind. The next four weeks is just going to be everyone wandering through the jungle and looking for each other. RICHARD! Richard directs them to the temple. He's not having any of Jack's bad attitude. Jack and Hurley follow.

Ben's digging through Sawyer's stuff and finds some porn and is disgusted. Then he finds some water and he and Lepedis start talking about Oceanic and how he was supposed to pilot 815 but overslept. Ben finds this hilarious until Illana shoves a rifle into his throat. He stumbles to the graveyard. She makes him lie down and chains him to a tree. Then she forces him to dig his own grave. She's kind of hardcore.

Ben is tutoring Alex and she's worried about getting into and paying for Yale. She calls Grumpy Principal a pervert and Ben presses her on the issue. She tells him that she went in the nurses office awhile back and the principal and the nurse were engaging in relations while Alex was in the next room. Ben is kind of pissed about it.

Back on the island Ben is slowly digging his own grave as Illana paces with the gun. Miles comes up to taunt him and brings him some green beans and bananas on a giant leaf. Ben offers Miles millions to cut Ben loose. Miles tells Ben that Jacob cared about Ben and was hoping he was wrong about him. Illana shoots at Ben and commands him to dig.

Hurley's questioning Richard on his beauty. Hurley asks if Richard is a cyborg. Hurley gets the best lines. Richard brings them to the Black Rock and reveals that everyone at the temple is dead, but that Sayid and Kate weren't there. Richard is shocked to hear that Jacob has been talking to Hurley. He tells Hurley not to trust Jacob and stomps away. Jack asks him where he's going and Richard says he has something to do. Jack asks what and Richard says, "die," and my heart crumbles up in my chest. I'm seriously not going to be able to take the death of Ben and Richard in one episode.

Arzt is busy giving F's and Ben asks Arzt if he could access someone's e-mail without their knowledge. He asks Arzt to access the nurse's e-mail. Arzt asks what he want to look at the e-mail for. Ben tells him and Arzt is all on board as long as Ben gives him a good parking spot and maybe some new bunson burners. Ben tells him he can have what he wants. He calls Ben a killer.

We're back to Ben digging his grave. It's very symmetrical. Impressive digging skills, little nerd. Richard is inside the Black Rock, trying to be creative about killing himself. Yo, just blow yourself up. Richard reveals (pretty much) that he came to the island on the Black Rock. I knew it. He finds himself a nice corroded stick of dynamite and sticks it in his pocket. Hurley freaks. Richard tells them that he can't kill himself because Jacob touched him. Someone has to do it for him. Aww. Richard has lost all hope and sense of purpose. Hug him, Jack!!!! Hug him!! Hurley begs Jack to reconsider and sets everything up to light the dynamite. He makes the longest fuse ever in the history of the world (ask Ben. He would know), and lights it with his magical lantern that just appeared out of nowhere. Jack sits down and tells Richard they're going to talk now. Hurley rolls his eyes, pees himself, and probably has a massive mental breakdown.

Hurley's freaking out. I knew it. Hurley refuses to leave Jack. Then he runs "like a mile away." Richard and Jack talk about the lighthouse and how Jack thinks neither of them can die. Richard asks Jack what if he's wrong. jack says he's not. jack was right. The fuse burned out right before it reached the dynamite. Jack gives Richard a Cheshire Cat grin. Richard asks "What now?" and Jack says they go back to where they started.

Ben's still digging and he hears clickyDarthLockesmokemonster in the jungle. DarthLocke appears behind him. DarthLocke finds it amusing that Ben is digging and he offers to leave Ben in charge of the island when he leaves. Ben asks how he's going to get away and Locke points at the chain and his shackle just falls off. He tells Ben to get to the other island and that he left him a gun leaning against a tree in the jungle. Ben takes off and Illana follows.

Ben pops into Grumpy's office and hands him something to read. It's e-mails between Principal Grumpy and Nurse. Ben tells principal to resign and recommend him as replacement or he tells the school board and Principal's wife. Principal threatens to not recommend Alex to Yale if Ben reveals the nurse affair.

Ben running through the woods. He gets to his rifle and tells Ilana to drop her weapon. Run, Ben! You have her disarmed! She asks why he's waiting and he says he wants to explain. He talks about seeing Alex die, sacrificing her in the name of Jacob, and Jacob didn't even care. He apologizes for killing Jacob, but says he doesn't expect any forgiveness. Ben asks to just leave and go to Locke. She asks why and he says because Locke is the only one who will have him and Illana tells Ben that she'll have him and walks away. Ben is left to ponder.

Ben goes into the Principals' office and pokes around. Alex stopped by and talks about Principal's letter of recommendation. Ben is still going to blackmail principal with information. Awesome. Arzt approaches him and asks about his parking space and Ben gives his parking space to Arzt. He watches Alex bounce away to her next class, the oldest high school senior ever.

Ben is following Illana back to the beach where everyone is rebuilding. Everyone gives him the stinkeye. He abandons his rifle next to Sun and then offers to help her. She lets him because she's all sunshine and rainbows. Lepedis is building a fire, Miles dug up the diamonds. Illana is fondling Jacob's ashes. Hurley, Jack, and Richard wander onto the beach. The lines are being clearly drawn between us and them. Everyone is happy joy reunion on the island except for Ben. No one loves him. I would give him a hug if I could. He looks so....broken.

A submarine periscope pops up and it's Widmore's sub. He's not interested in the people on the beach.

Previews are nothing.

So...discussion. Just who are the six remaining candidates? And what questions were answered this week? Hurley's love of cheese curds? We do know that Richard got his eternal beauty from Jacob, but, duh, we already figured that out for ourselves. So, interesting, is it possible for a) people that Jacob has touched or b) any of the candidates to die at this point in time?