LOST recap

Ben running full tilt through the jungle and dude is scared. He sees a line of people marching through the jungle and realizes it's Illana and co. Ben tells them to book it back to the beach.

Mr. Ben, teacher, is talking about Elba island and the loss of Napoleon's power, and how it meant nothing that they let him keep the title, without the power he might as well be dead. Very haggard looking principal tells Ben he has to take care of detention and kick his History club to the curb. Ben sits down at his table to eat sushi (yum) with a very annoying Arzt, who's crying like a little girl because he got some formaldehyde on his shirt. Man up and buy a Tide-to-go pen. Substitute Locke suggests that Ben should be principal and Ben's all over that like white on rice. Ben is intrigued.

Illana wants Miles to read Jacob's ashes because she suspects Ben. Ben has an "Oh Crap" look on his face. She's totally going to kick him out of the cool kids club when she finds out. No sparkly earrings for Ben. Miles looks a little shaken up and tells Illana that Ben killed Jacob with a dagger. Everyone stares at Ben and he tries to play it off. Illana is pissed. They all stomp off and leave Ben shell-shocked in the jungle. Even Lepedis gives him the head shake.

It's now daytime and Illana and co. are now traveling and Ben is tagging along. The beach camp has been completely demolished. Ben asks what he can do and Illana ignores him. He tries to discredit Miles, but Illana walks away.

Ben is watching something microwave. Please let it be a hot pocket. No, it's a TV dinner for Uncle Rico who seems to be cancerous, and a whole lot nicer. Ben bemoans his job as he switches out Papa's oxygen tank. He calls himself a loser and Uncle Rico tries to console him. He also mentions that they were on the island with the Dharma initiative! Awesome! So the island did exist in normal reality. The doorbell rings and it's Alex, asking about history club. Ben is kind of being a closetalker. He promises to tutor her in the morning.

Illana is gathering tools with the fury of a woman scorned. Sun tries to talk to her and Illana bites her head off. Sheesh. Rein in the PMS, lady. Sun is the freaking Mary Poppins of the island and you're talking to her like she's DarthLocke or something. She reveals that she's supposed to protect someone named Kwon, along with the other candidates.

Hurley is sleeping in some soft looking grass and dreaming about cheese curds. Jack's rushing him to get to the temple and just walks off leaving the Hurls behind. The next four weeks is just going to be everyone wandering through the jungle and looking for each other. RICHARD! Richard directs them to the temple. He's not having any of Jack's bad attitude. Jack and Hurley follow.

Ben's digging through Sawyer's stuff and finds some porn and is disgusted. Then he finds some water and he and Lepedis start talking about Oceanic and how he was supposed to pilot 815 but overslept. Ben finds this hilarious until Illana shoves a rifle into his throat. He stumbles to the graveyard. She makes him lie down and chains him to a tree. Then she forces him to dig his own grave. She's kind of hardcore.

Ben is tutoring Alex and she's worried about getting into and paying for Yale. She calls Grumpy Principal a pervert and Ben presses her on the issue. She tells him that she went in the nurses office awhile back and the principal and the nurse were engaging in relations while Alex was in the next room. Ben is kind of pissed about it.

Back on the island Ben is slowly digging his own grave as Illana paces with the gun. Miles comes up to taunt him and brings him some green beans and bananas on a giant leaf. Ben offers Miles millions to cut Ben loose. Miles tells Ben that Jacob cared about Ben and was hoping he was wrong about him. Illana shoots at Ben and commands him to dig.

Hurley's questioning Richard on his beauty. Hurley asks if Richard is a cyborg. Hurley gets the best lines. Richard brings them to the Black Rock and reveals that everyone at the temple is dead, but that Sayid and Kate weren't there. Richard is shocked to hear that Jacob has been talking to Hurley. He tells Hurley not to trust Jacob and stomps away. Jack asks him where he's going and Richard says he has something to do. Jack asks what and Richard says, "die," and my heart crumbles up in my chest. I'm seriously not going to be able to take the death of Ben and Richard in one episode.

Arzt is busy giving F's and Ben asks Arzt if he could access someone's e-mail without their knowledge. He asks Arzt to access the nurse's e-mail. Arzt asks what he want to look at the e-mail for. Ben tells him and Arzt is all on board as long as Ben gives him a good parking spot and maybe some new bunson burners. Ben tells him he can have what he wants. He calls Ben a killer.

We're back to Ben digging his grave. It's very symmetrical. Impressive digging skills, little nerd. Richard is inside the Black Rock, trying to be creative about killing himself. Yo, just blow yourself up. Richard reveals (pretty much) that he came to the island on the Black Rock. I knew it. He finds himself a nice corroded stick of dynamite and sticks it in his pocket. Hurley freaks. Richard tells them that he can't kill himself because Jacob touched him. Someone has to do it for him. Aww. Richard has lost all hope and sense of purpose. Hug him, Jack!!!! Hug him!! Hurley begs Jack to reconsider and sets everything up to light the dynamite. He makes the longest fuse ever in the history of the world (ask Ben. He would know), and lights it with his magical lantern that just appeared out of nowhere. Jack sits down and tells Richard they're going to talk now. Hurley rolls his eyes, pees himself, and probably has a massive mental breakdown.

Hurley's freaking out. I knew it. Hurley refuses to leave Jack. Then he runs "like a mile away." Richard and Jack talk about the lighthouse and how Jack thinks neither of them can die. Richard asks Jack what if he's wrong. jack says he's not. jack was right. The fuse burned out right before it reached the dynamite. Jack gives Richard a Cheshire Cat grin. Richard asks "What now?" and Jack says they go back to where they started.

Ben's still digging and he hears clickyDarthLockesmokemonster in the jungle. DarthLocke appears behind him. DarthLocke finds it amusing that Ben is digging and he offers to leave Ben in charge of the island when he leaves. Ben asks how he's going to get away and Locke points at the chain and his shackle just falls off. He tells Ben to get to the other island and that he left him a gun leaning against a tree in the jungle. Ben takes off and Illana follows.

Ben pops into Grumpy's office and hands him something to read. It's e-mails between Principal Grumpy and Nurse. Ben tells principal to resign and recommend him as replacement or he tells the school board and Principal's wife. Principal threatens to not recommend Alex to Yale if Ben reveals the nurse affair.

Ben running through the woods. He gets to his rifle and tells Ilana to drop her weapon. Run, Ben! You have her disarmed! She asks why he's waiting and he says he wants to explain. He talks about seeing Alex die, sacrificing her in the name of Jacob, and Jacob didn't even care. He apologizes for killing Jacob, but says he doesn't expect any forgiveness. Ben asks to just leave and go to Locke. She asks why and he says because Locke is the only one who will have him and Illana tells Ben that she'll have him and walks away. Ben is left to ponder.

Ben goes into the Principals' office and pokes around. Alex stopped by and talks about Principal's letter of recommendation. Ben is still going to blackmail principal with information. Awesome. Arzt approaches him and asks about his parking space and Ben gives his parking space to Arzt. He watches Alex bounce away to her next class, the oldest high school senior ever.

Ben is following Illana back to the beach where everyone is rebuilding. Everyone gives him the stinkeye. He abandons his rifle next to Sun and then offers to help her. She lets him because she's all sunshine and rainbows. Lepedis is building a fire, Miles dug up the diamonds. Illana is fondling Jacob's ashes. Hurley, Jack, and Richard wander onto the beach. The lines are being clearly drawn between us and them. Everyone is happy joy reunion on the island except for Ben. No one loves him. I would give him a hug if I could. He looks so....broken.

A submarine periscope pops up and it's Widmore's sub. He's not interested in the people on the beach.

Previews are nothing.

So...discussion. Just who are the six remaining candidates? And what questions were answered this week? Hurley's love of cheese curds? We do know that Richard got his eternal beauty from Jacob, but, duh, we already figured that out for ourselves. So, interesting, is it possible for a) people that Jacob has touched or b) any of the candidates to die at this point in time?