Lost recap

Sawyer's taking care of Jin in Claire's hut. Jin tries to run but Sawyer tells him to simmer down, Darth Locke's gonna save us all. The motely crue comes trudging up and Kate gives Sawyer the bedroom eyes. Sawyer looks at her like he's going to settle. Sideways flash! Sawyer is, well, being a Kate with some woman in a motel room. He gets up to go to a meeting and whoops! His giant briefcase full of money falls open. She pulls a gun and he tells her to put it down, that he's a cop and she's going to get busted if she doesn't cooperate. She calls him on his bluff, he whispers "La Fleur" and the door busts in. Lots of police officers, including MILES, bust into the room and arrest girl in her underwear. Miles calls Sawyer "partner" and tells him to put on some pants. PUT ON SOME PANTS, SAWYER! Seems to be the theme of this season.

Back on the island, everyone is standing around Claire's shanty. Kate goes inside and is looking around and makes fun of Claire's faux baby. Claire gives her a stinkeye and they walk outside. DarthLocke gives an inspirational speech and Claire reaches out to hold Kate's hand. Claire is clearly drunk. Sawyer asks Kate about the temple and she tells him that everyone except Miles got out. Sawyer is sad about this. Sideways Deputy Sawyer is sitting at his desk calling random Anthony Coopers from the phone book. Miles asks who that is and Sawyer says it's some guy setting him up with Lakers tickets. Miles points out that he's a better friend because he's setting Sawyer up with a girl instead of a ticket. He also asks Saywer if he's lying about Anthony Cooper and Sawyer gets all flustered. Back on the island Darth Locke reveals to Sawyer that he is the black smoke and asks him to go to Hydra island and infiltrate the crash victims. Then he reveals that they're going to use the plane to get off the island. He flatters Sawyer by calling him a good liar and Sawyer is putty in his hands.

Back in Sideways land, Sawyer goes to meet Miles' friend and it turns out to be Charlotte. Let me tell you, Sideways Charlotte is infinitley hotter than island Charlotte. They of course go straight to bed together, because, hey, that's what everybody does on a first date. She asks for a t-shirt and Sawyer goes to get some water. She's digging in his t-shirt drawer and comes across his "Sawyer" folder and discovers that Sawyer's parents are dead. He comes in the room and loses it and she stomps out and takes his top sheet with her. Witch. On the island Kate and Sayid are sitting on a log and Sayid is stoooooned. Claire comes out of nowhere, tackles Kate, and holds a knife to her throat. Sayid watches bemusedly, like someone who is watching a bear ride a tricycle at the circus, instead of someone who is watching a girl try to murder the island bicycle. Locke picks Claire up and tosses her across the jungle and then slaps her face. He tries to console Kate, but she's too busy being a drama queen, so he goes back to talk to Claire. Sawyer is on Hydra and finds a pile of dead bodies, a plane, and one survivor.

Sideways world Charlie's brother is at the police station trying to find Charlie. Sawyer blows him off. Miles comes storming up and drags Sawyer to the locker room where he unloads on him for lying about where he traveled to. He breaks up with Sawyer. No more bromance. Sawyer punches the mirror. We're up to 14 years of bad luck for the losties. Back on the island Locke comes up and comforts Kate. Kate is being a wench and points out that what he's saying is rich coming from a dead man. Locke laughs and tells her to get up, he wants to show her where Sawyer went. On Hydra, Sawyer and ragtag lady are going back to the boat. They're questioning each other and Sawyer catches on that she's not a simpleton and pulls his gun on her. She whistles and a whole bunch of people come out of the jungle with guns trained on Sawyer. Greeeaatt. That's what we needed. Another group of people. Thanks for creating more questions, writers! *insert big, sarcastic thumbs up here.*

Kate and Darth are sitting on the beach shooting the breeze. Darth is blaming everything that's wrong with him on his mother. That's so old, even therapists roll their eyes when they hear it. He tells Kate that now Aaron has a crazy mother to deal with. Basically, he's saying, "Way to go, Kate. You blew it again." Sawyer is marched through the jungle on Hydra, where the people are setting up smoke monster protection. They go to the dock and ooooohhhhh yeah. These people are Widmore's people.

Sideways Sawyer relaxes with TV dinner and an episode of Little House on the Prairie. Something about half-pint makes him want to go see Charlotte, but she kicks him and his "sad looking sunflower" out.

In the sub Sawyer asks what's behind the locked door and Simpleton tells him it's none of his business. He enters the room with Widmore. Widmore tries to shake his hand, but Sawyer won't. BURN. They talk and Sawyer basically promises to hand him Darth Locke if it gets him and the people in his boat safe passage off the island. They make a deal and Sawyer shakes hands with the debil.

On the island Claire breaks down, thanks Kate for taking care of Aaron. They have an awkward "trying not to discharge the rifle" hug. Sawyer drags his boat to the beach and tells Locke all about Widmore and co. I'm confused. I thought he was working for Widmore. Anyway. Sideways Sawyer is waiting for Miles and tells him to get into his car. He hands Miles the Sawyer file and tells him the whole dirty story. They start to talk about why a vigilante killing is a bad idea when a blue car smashes into Sawyer's car and he is not happy about it. The driver, who is wearing a hoodie (Hoodies are wonderful. Very versatile), runs into an alley and Sawyer cuts them off on the other end. He rips the hood off to reveal....Kate. Yeah, we already knew that. On the island Kate is cooking a rabbit, she thinks. Who doesn't know for sure what a rabbit looks like? She's such a tool. Anyway, she asks Sawyer why he's working for Locke and he says he's not working for anyone. He's just making sure that he and Kate get off the island. She laughs and says, "Even if we can get on that plane, who's going to fly it?" He reveals that they're not taking the plane. They're going to steal the sub. Yeah, because it's easier to pilot a submarine without instruction. Submarines are so easy to drive. It's like driving a car, just underwater.

Previews...RICHARD! NEXT WEEK IS A RICHARD EPISODE! RIIIIICCCCHHHHHHHAAAAARRRRDDDD!!

Thoughts in the comments. Peace out.