Thursday, May 20, 2010

LOST recap

Previews - everybody dies, everybody else cries

We see Jack's eyeball, just like in the series pilot! Apparently Jack got attacked by a vampire in the night because his neck is gushing blood. David walks in and tells him he made breakfast. A bowl of cereal. Claire comes in the room and David offers her some cereal. She looks happy to be eating Super Bran. Anything to get the bowels moving in late pregnancy will make you happy, tu-rust me. Oceanic calls to let Jack know they found the coffin. It's really Desmond playing "island cupid" again. Jack's on the beach working on Kate's bullet wound. He tells her it's going to hurt and she just needs to man up. He sews her up and it's gross. Kate tells Jack that Sun and Jin have a little girl. She says they have to kill him and Jack says, "I know." LOST

Stuff from the sub starts washing up on the beach. Sawyer's watching it and he's P.I.S.S.E.D. I am, too. Who litters up a beach like that for the sake of the TV show? Rude LOST producers, that's who. Kate runs up and starts pawing all over Sawyer. Hurley looks on in disbelief, because he's never seen such a hoochie in his life. Jack comes in and declares himself leader again and tells them to stop being melancholy, because we're about to go free the life of the party from the well!!

Desmond is watching Locke return to school. Ben tells him to stop and Desmond beats the stuff out of him. Desmond don't take no lip off of NOBODY! Ben has a flashback-sideways, etc. Ben, Richard, and Miles are walking through the woods, looking for Dharma camp. Ben tells them he has some awesome bottlerockets back at his place and they're going to go get drunk and shoot them off. Miles suddenly hears a dead person. Ben tells him to cut the crap. Richard tells Ben it's Alex, that he buried her there. Ben thanks Richard and walks away. They enter his house and start looking for his C4 collection. No one raided Ben's safe. They take all the C4 because, like the Mythbusters, if you're going to blow something up, you'd better do it right. Annoying glasses lady is sneaking around in Ben's house and then Widmore walks in.

Charles helps himself to a glass of water because he's the world's wost houseguest. Charles tells Glasses to leave. I can't stand that dweeb, so I'm glad she's gone. Charles tells him that Jacob came to see him after the freighter was destroyed and told him how to take care of Locke. Charles tells Ben they need to hide.

The school nurse is treating Ben's cuts. Locke comes in to check on him. Ben tells him he was trying to take out the man who ran him down. Locke pulls out his phone to call the police. Ben tells Locke that Des wasn't trying to hurt him. He was trying to get Locke to let go and Ben believes him. Locke is perplexed. Des walks into the police office and asks to speak to a detective. Miles is getting ready to go something with his dad. They bring Des to see Sawyer, because Sawyer is currently the only detective in L.A., and Des tells him that he ran Locke down and beat the stuffing out of Des. Sawyer thanks him for turning himself in because he'll have time to meet his buddies for a game of Parcheesi tonight instead of chasing down rogue Desmonds. Des is locked up with Sayid and Kate and looks very pleased with himself.

Jack and Sawyer are tromping through the jungle. Sawyer and Jack are questioning Locke's motives and his imprisoning of Desmond. Sawyer asks if he killed Jin and Sun and Jack tells him no, Darth Locke killed them. My poor, heartbroken Sawyer. Hurley and Kate eye each other in the woods. Hurley stops because he sees something and hears and elephants braying in the distance. Young Jacob asks Hurley for the ashes and runs away. Hurley can run pretty fast, but not fast enough to catch a jungle kid. C'mon, Hurley. Hurley comes up to grown-up Jacob in the woods, holding his bag of ashes. Jacob tells him that his ashes are in the campfire and when it burns out, he'll never see him again. He tells Hurley we're getting near the end. DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUM

Darth Locke steps onto the dock and glares at the luggage. I know, Dlocke. It's rude to just junk up the dock with your luggage. Lazy frackin' islanders. Ben is waiting for Darth Locke. Miles wants to run. He gives Miles a walkie talkie, then Richard decides he wants to be the martyr. Miles runs away. Richard and Ben emerge and go out to talk to Smokey. Smokey attacks Richard and Ben's thinking maybe his idea wasn't so stellar after all and sits down to think about his life. Dlocke emerges and says he wants to talk to Ben. Ben offers him some lemonade. Locke sits down with his knife and starts trimming his nails. Dlocke asks him to kill some people for him and says Ben can have the island to himself. Ben says, "sure! Do you want me to water your houseplants while I'm at it, buddy?" Locke asks whose boat it is and Ben tells him and also tells Locke that Charles is hiding in his closet.

Sideways Ben drops his keys and teenage jailbait Alex picks up the keys for him and asks Ben to let she and her mom drive him home. Of course Danielle says yes. She's very thankful. And pretty beautiful when she doesn't have jungle hair and thirteen years of visible B.O. clinging to her body. Danielle's mom says he'll have dinner with them or she'll kidnap him. Guffaws all around. Ben is pretty smitten with Danielle. Danielle tells Ben that Alex sees him as a father. Ben thinks that's the shiz and is very happy. Alex studies in the corner. Ben starts crying and blames it on the onions. It's lurve, y'all.

Ben and Locke enter his house and go to look for Charles. He opens the bookcase. Locke tells him to leave and Ben says he wants to see it. Ben apologizes to Charles. He's totally going to off Glasses. Yup, slit her throat. Charles is upset. That was the only smart-looking minion he had. Locke tells Charles when he leaves, he's gonna kill Penny. Charles can stop it if he just tells him why he can come back. Charles explains that he brought Des back because he can withstand high doses of electromagnetism. No one understands what this mean, so they decide to whisper instead of explaining that one to us. Ben blows Charles away and says he doesn't get to save his daughter. Locke is pleased. and cleans his knife. Ben is now a zombie of some sorts. Ben asks who else he needs to kill. Kate! Kate! Kate! Oh, and Darth Locke because he totally wrinkled Richard's shirt when he slammed him into that tree. Not cool!

Hurley brings the woodsie's to see Jacob. Everybody's like, "WHOA!" and Hurley's all "See, I'm not a crazy person!" Hurley's surprised they all can see him. Kate asks if everyone's dead because their names are written on the wall. Jacob apologizes. She asked if they died for nothing. Jacob invites them to sit down while he spins a yarn about an island, some people, and a funny poof of smoke. They all toast Essence of Jacob smore's and play Truth or Dare for a few hours. Sawyer suggests that they put their food in the tree so it doesn't attract polar bears. Hurley freezes Jack's bra. Jacob also reveals that he's picking a new island protector tonight and they're all contestants! Kate's upset because she knows she'll only win if it's a "taking off your shirt" contest.

Wheelchair Locke comes in to see Jack and Surgeon Jack is thrilled. Locke asks about David and Jack asks him what he's doing there. Locke tells him that they were on the same plane from Sydney, and then he was hit by a car and ends up as Jack's patient. He thinks it's fate. So he wants Jack to fix him now. Jack says, "You are so wishy-washy, Locke. You need to learn to say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no." Locke says it all happened for a reason and he thinks maybe Jack needs to fix him. He puts himself up as a candidate for surgery. Jack smiles at him, because nothing makes Jack smile like flaying some poor dude's back open.

Jacob tells him that he brought them there for selfish reasons. Jacob says that he's responsible for the smoke monster, he made him that way, and then the smoke monster killed him. Sawyer asked him what gives him the right. Jacob tells Sawyer to shut his fool mouth, he's a loser, and will not win Island Leader contest. He says he chose them because they were alone. Kate asks why her name was crossed out and Jacob says because she came a mother. Jack asks what the job is and Jacob tells them about the light and that they have to protect the light from Barney. They also have to pick litter up off the beach after a hurricane. Jack asks if they should kill Smokey and Jacob looks at him with sad face. Hurley asks who wins the tribal council. Jacob tells him that they have a choice. Kate asks what happens if none of them choose and Jacob says it will end badly. Jack takes the responsibility and the world is shocked, not. Jacob's proud of his boy. Sawyer's pissed because Jack raised his hand before Sawyer could. Hurley's relieved that he still has no responsibility in life. Kate's trying to decide who she should flirt with next and wonders if DarthLocke likes brunettes.

Walking through the jungle again. So much walking through the woods. Sawyer makes a God-complex joke and we all laugh. Jacob tells him to go to the bamboo and the light and that he needs to go protect it. Jacob scoops up some creekwater and does the incantation. Then he gives it to Jack to drink. Jacks thinking, "This water isn't purified or anything. I hope this isn't the creek we pee in." Jack asks how long he needs to do this job, because he has a teeth cleaning scheduled for next Tuesday. Little late to be asking about that. Should have asked in the interview phase. Jacob says as long as you can and Jack drains the cup. Jacob is totally about to make out with Jack. He tells Jack now he's like Jacob. A whiny little girl. Jack was already a whiny little girl, Jacob. Where have you been? Oh yeah, dead in a fire.

Sawyer let's Kate and Sayid out of jail. Kate tries to work her wiles on him, reminding him of how sexy she looked in the elevator at the airport. Sawyer tells her to shut up. BURN! Sayid, Des, and Kate are being transported. Des says he thinks it's time to leave. He says the driver knows where to stop and he has to trust them and promise to do what he says. Sayid promises and Kate promises, and they exchange "check out the crazy guy" smiles. Suddenly the truck stops, doors open and Ana Lucia lets them out at the docks. A Hummer drives up and Hurley steps out. Hurley gives her a big envelope of money. Ana Lucia drives off Hurley gives him keys to a car. Des sends Sayid with Hurley and Kate with himself. He tells Kate they're going to a concert and gives her a little black dress, asking her with a sigh to try not to be such a harlot tonight.

Ben asks Locke why he walks instead of turning into smoke. Locke says he likes the feel of the ground under his feet. It reminds him that he used to be human. They're at Desmond's well. They find it empty of Desmond, but full of water. Ben asks what Widmore said to him. Locke says that Desmond is a failsafe, Jacob's last resort. Locke says Jacob/Jackob needs Desmond to destory the island. LOST.

Preview: Creepy lady from Poltergeist reads the preview.

So this episode was good. I liked it. I did not like what Smokey did to Richard, but I'm banking that Richard's not dead yet.

Thoughts in the comments?

1 comment:

Michele said...

I'm just amazed that we survived an entire season of "answers" and never really received much. Just little morsels here and there... if I was a mouse, I'd be starving. Which means that Sunday night is going to be C.R.A.Z.Y. I'm looking forward to it and actually telling friends who dropped out after season 1 to watch it because I bet most of their questions will be answered.

Something tells me, with as involved as sideways world has become, that the end will be that sideways becomes the reality. Which is cool because I kind of like Jack's little mini-me. And nobody's dead.

Dude - the day after tomorrow, this little journey ends. I'm kind of sad.