Lost Character of the Week

All of this could have been avoided...if my dad had hugged me more.

Ben, Ben, Ben. Why do I love Ben so much? I’m usually not one who loves the villains. For example, if I could have strangled any character from a work of fiction, it would have been that Umbridge lady from Harry Potter. I HATED her. And Ben’s not exactly an upstanding guy. So why is he so likable? I’ll tell you why. He’s a nerd. A normal person like most of us, who managed to turn himself into a hardcore, take control psychopath. And he loves babies and bunnies! What’s not to love? So let’s talk about Benjamin Linus.

Baby Ben

Ben was born in the woods in Oregon. I know, WHY? Anyway, his dad is Uncle Rico and his mom is this chick named Emily. Emily and Roger are really smart and decide what Emily really needs while she’s 9 months pregnant is a walk in the woods. Because nothing says safe for the baby like tripping over a bunch of roots and getting eaten by a bear (or a vampire. They were in Portland, after all). Emily dies in the woods, because, let’s face it, it wasn’t the most sterile birth. Uncle Rico is not the sharpest knife in the drawer and he was probably swearing up a storm and smelling like steak sauce instead of trying to help her. Ben lives. Viva la Ben!

Roger then joins the Dharma initiative, because they are apparently in need of sad imitations of Sawyer hair coupled with awesome toilet unclogging skills. Roger is their man! He drags a bespectacled and bewildered Ben along for the ride. At this point Ben is still an innocent and quite the nerd. I love me some nerdiness. Roger becomes a raging drunk, because that’s what people do to deal with their problems on this show, and takes it out on baby Ben, slapping him around and even telling him that he’s responsible for his mother’s death. This makes Ben sad. It made me sad, too, Ben. I wanted so badly to come to freak island and give you some motherly hugs at that point. And give your dad a kick in a not nice place. Your dad is a moron, but I think you already knew that.

Sad Ben runs into the jungle to escape his horrible cushy life at the Dharma camp and meets our beautiful Estee Lauder spokesperson, Richard Alpert. Richard pats his head and tells him he likes his glasses or something, one of those lies grownups tell you when you’re crying to make you feel good about yourself. Then he tells Ben that he can come live with the Hostiles, but not right now. Ben is all “WHY ME!” and Richard is all, “I know, right?” and sends little Ben trotting off back to Dharma.

Ben meets Future Sayid (sounds like a superhero) and helps him escape. Sayid thanks him with a bullet to the chest. Nothing says loving like gunpowder. Sad dying baby Ben is laying the road and Jin finds him. He takes him to Juliet who can’t fix him. She does the typical Juliet thing when confronted with a medical problem: She flaps her hands and asks Jack what she should do. Jack is willing to let him die. Sawyer and Kate tell Jack that’s cold, even for him. Jack just shrugs and goes back to staring off into space, something he perfected while part of the Dharma Initiative. Sawyer and Kate take Ben and run him off to Richard who declares that he will take Ben’s innocence. WHOA! TMI, buddy. Anyway, he fixes Ben and Ben wakes up creepy.

In 1988, Widmore, who is still trotting through the jungle on his pony of justice, sends Ben to kill Rousseau and Alex. Ben can’t bear to kill the baby so he takes her and tell Rousseau she better run like her crazy butt is on fire. She does and Ben takes Alex back to camp. This does not please Widmore, but it pleases Richard and Ben’s all, “This is what Jacob would want yo, so step off before something bad happens to you.” Then Ben kills the Dharma people with poison gas, including his horrible daddy (everybody has Daddy issues), and throws them in a big Dharma pit. Then he tells Widmore that he needs to leave and takes Widmore’s place as leader of the Others. He tells them he can talk to Jacob, which is a lie because he doesn’t talk to Jacob. Jacob’s too busy partying in his foot statue to care about Ben’s shenanigans. Benanigans.

Two days before the 815 plane crash Ben learns he has a spinal tumor. Oh yeah, did I mention he’s been putting the moves on Juliet and she’s been turning him down? Ice Queen. Anyway, after Ben gets this news a spinal surgeon literally falls from the sky and lands in his back yard. How’s that for fate? He immediately sends Ethan and Goodwin to check on the two sections of the plane, hoping furiously that Goodwin gets his and he is not disappointed. He shows Jack to Juliet on one of the monitors in the arrow station and tells her that she will convince Jack to perform the surgery. Then he shows her video of Goodwin and tells her that her man got beat up by a girl.

Ben goes wandering in the woods and gets caught in one of Danielle’s traps. She brings him to the survivors and they lock him in the hatch until they decide what to do with him. He tells them his name is Henry Gale and his balloon crashed on the island. Later on the real body (and the balloon) of Henry Gale is found and Ben is exposed as a liar. Michael frees him and brings him Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley in exchange for a boat and Walt. Exit Michael right. Ben tells Hurley to go back to the beach and he takes the other three with him. He locks Kate and Sawyer in bear cages which results in hilarious fish biscuit hijinks. He sends Juliet to talk to Jack and bribe him with a cheeseburger. She even lets him watch cartoons. It was lurve, y’all. Anyway, he says no but later says yes. Jack botches Ben’s surgery and tells a frantic but adorable Tom that he won’t fix it until Kate and Sawyer are safe on the beach (really? No safe off the island?) with the other survivors. They comply and Jack corrects his intentional mistake. Then he goes to the Dharma camp to play football with Tom. Locke and some other people come to rescue him. Jack tells the other people to go away because he’s happy here with running water, cheeseburgers, and a teddy bear type person to toss a football with. Ben, meanwhile, takes Locke and shows him that his Daddy is here. Ben tells Locke that if he kills his father he will let him join the Others. Locke is intrigued. If he had a goatee, he would have stroked it in thoughtfulness at this point.

Locke can’t do it and Ben smirks. Locke runs into the woods to cry, but a few days later he brings his father’s corpse to Ben. Ben holds up his end of the deal and takes Locke to Jacob’s cabin. Then, HOLY SMOKES! Ben finds out that Jacob is talking to Locke. This angers our little friend because all he’s wanted this whole time was to be BFFs with Jacob and get an invite to the foot statue. So Ben shoots Locke and leaves him for dead in the Dharma body pit. Ben sends the others to the temple while he and Alex try to stop Jack from sending a message to the freighter. Nobody trusts Ben, but they love slapping him around. Then they tie him up and make him watch them contact the freighter. Sad Ben re-emerges. The group splits into people who want to get on the freighter and people who don’t. Ben goes with Locke and the jungle crowd. He gains Locke’s trust by telling him who sent the freighter. Ben leaves and tells Rousseau, Alex, and her boyfriend (Karl I think?) to go to the temple. They are ambushed and Rousseau and Karl are killed. Alex is taken hostage and then shot in front of Ben when he refuses to give himself up to save her life. Ben is pissed. So he sics his smoke monster on the mercenaries from the freighter and runs. He, Locke, and Hurley seek Jacob’s council and discover that Ben needs to move the island. Sad face again because Ben knows if he does this, he’ll be banished forever. He does it anyway because, as I mentioned before, he’s hardcore. He wakes up in the desert and beats some guys up with a magic wand. Ben hires Sayid to kill a bunch of people for him and then tells Widmore of his plans to kill Penny. A daughter for a daughter. Widmore is not amused. Ben finds Locke, stops him from committing suicide, bleeds him for info, and then kills him anyway. He shoots Desmond (still a little pissed about that, Ben. I thought we were friends) but can’t bring himself to kill Penelope. He finds Jack at the funeral and tells him that he can get them back to the island but everyone has to be there, including Locke. Jack lovingly strokes the raccoon on his chin. Oh wait, that’s a beard. Anyway, they all board the plane and get transported to different decades on the island. Ben was with Sun and Lepedis. He drew the short stick and got stuck in the future, after the island had a falling out with its groundskeeper. Sun hits Ben with an oar and Ben kills a guy named Cesar. The Benanigans are back on. Ben is shocked that a very dead Locke is up and walking around. I would be shocked, too, Ben. And running for my life because he’s probably a zombie. Instead Ben trusts him implicitly. Locke takes Ben to the island where the smoke monster beats him up for awhile. Ben feels better after this. He and Locke go round up Richard and his gang, who were probably poring over the latest Avon catalog. They all go to the foot to talk to Jacob and Locke (who’s not really Locke. He’s the mean guy in the black shirt), convinces Ben to stab Jacob. Ben succumbs to peer pressure and stabs the poor maker of the island. And that’s all we know, folks!

Off island contacts: Lots. He was in contact with all of the oceanic six.

Sawyer Nicknames: The Artist Formerly Known as Henry Gale, The Big Kahuna, Sucker, George (from Of Mice and Men), The Boss, Captain Bunnykiller, Yoda, Gizmo

Sources: Wikipedia, Lostpedia, muckety.com, lost.about.com, Netflix and their glorious “Watch Instantly” feature.