Random musings

It's late. And I can't sleep. I have insomnia. When I can't sleep I write. First I want to apologize for any typos. My computer had a massive brain fart. Or processor fart. I'm not sure. It doesn't work, though, so I won't have any pretty pictures for my post today. I hope words will do.

Random things that happened to me today:

* My friends and I were at Olive Garden eating lunch (SOUP SALAD AND BREADSTICKS! YEAH BABY!). We like to act out Olive Garden commercials when we're at Olive Garden because they're so cheesy they're hilarious. Speaking of cheesy, we were acting out a commercial and the waitress laughed so hard that she flung a bunch of parmesean cheese all over me. I'm talking it was in my hair, down my shirt, everywhere. What did I do? I laughed. Cause that's some funny stuff.

* I'm on some new medication that is ROCKING my health. I'm not even kidding. I feel awesome. Anyway, one bad side effect is headaches that cause insomnia. Because I don't want to destroy my stomach and liver taking ibuprofen and Tylenol every night, I've taken to sleeping with a refrigerated ice pack on my head to dull the pain. Tonight I was getting all ready for bed and Hubs was staring at me. Not in the "interested" way, because I'm pretty sure I didn't look too sexy with my Breathe Right Strip, VapoRub, and 900 year old nightshirt. So I asked him what he was staring at. He said he wanted to know if I really needed to sleep with an ice pack or if I was just pretending I was sleeping with my head on Edward's shoulder. I guffawed. Seriously. Then I kissed him and turned off my lamp and spent about 45 minutes assuring him that I am not "in love" with Edward. Ed is just a character in a book. He's not a tangible person and therefore it's impossible to actually be in love with him and I wouldn't sleep with my head on an ice block if it wasn't medically necessary. Then I looked over and noticed that Hubs was asleep. He didn't hear a word I said.

* Speaking of loving the Hubs, I started The List today. The List is something I've done every few months since Hubs and I got married. I sit down and make a list (usually when I'm ticked off at him about something) of all the things I love about him. It usually starts with silly, mundane things and ends up with super serious soul-searching type stuff. Then I mail the list to Hubs. It's always fun to get some mail. Anyway, I'm sad to say that this is the first time I've done it since M was born. Being a mom is so time consuming, you know? But if you are a mom, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about why you love your spouse. Write it down. Send him an e-mail. Do something. Your relationship is a partnership, so don't put him on the rung below your child. He belongs higher up. Don't neglect him. When I had M, we hit hard times because I focused 100% on her and Hubs was kind of on the wayside of all of that. M and I were safe in our little Mommy/baby heaven bubble, and Hubs was on the outside looking in. Because of my PPD, I was terrified to let her out of my site, so his time with her was rough, too, because I was hanging over him like a vulture when he was with her. It took me realizing that I needed to focus on him and we needed to focus on raising our child together, not on just me being a mommy, before we really started to get better. I have to remember that he's not just my husband, he's my best friend. Half of the whole. So remember your better half. Treat him better than you would treat yourself. Remember that he's the person that you fell in love with. Your child is a pronounced product of that love. You're a team.

Back to the thread of the Love Project, though. I was shocked as I wrote my list how much it has changed since M was born. I mean, the usual things were still there:

* I love how we both get "the jerks" when we're falling asleep, and end up keeping each other awake.

* I love how you eat your sandwiches in a square.

* I love how you've got that He-Man aura going on when you grill.

But there were so many new things to add to the soul searching part:

* I love the person you are when you're with M. I'm proud that she can have the kind of daddy who should be respected, but who isn't afraid to dive head first into the frog pool to make her smile (That's against the rules, by the way. It says right there on the side 'no diving.').

* I love how you go into M's room every night and pray for her while she's sleeping. You think I don't know, but I do. You don't know how important it is to know that your parents pray.

* I love how you play your guitar for her and sing songs for her. I want her to be musical, like you.


And so on and so on. My list is 7 pagers long this time, with two columns per page, front and back. It gets longer every time I write it.

It's funny that Hubs asked me about Edward today. He never knows when I'm writing the list. So it struck me as funny that he would ask today, after I had written out, sealed, and stamped his letter. Because my love for him is the way it should be. It's bigger than it was yesterday. And if I continue to focus on that, focus on the good, and focus on what's best for him (and M), and not worry about my needs so much, well, it can only get better from here.

Wow, I think I can actually sleep now. Good night and good rest, my bloggy friends.