LOST recap

So I turned on my TV at 8 to watch LOST, only to find out it was just the pop-up video edition of last week's episode. Free hour!

Recapping now. Sawyer is going Inigo Montoya on Jack, the Woodstock gang has drowned Sayid, the pirate is angry about it, and Sayid woke up with a wicked hangover.

Hippie does not wear shoes in the temple of doom. Pirate is pleased that Sayid has awakened. Jack sends Miles out for some water. Ummm...isn't there a big vat of healing water right there in the temple? Sawyer is in one of his usual sunshine-y moods. He wants to leave the temple.

Fakereality Kate squared is running again and Claire squared is in the car, still pregnant. Arzt had a massive luggage wreck in the crosswalk. Kate and Jack have a deja-vu moment, then Kate tells the guy to go and he runs over Arzt's suitcase. Poor Arzt never gets a break. The cabbie makes a break for it. Kate steals Claire's purse and kicks her out of the car

Back in island time Sayid is questioning everyone about what's going on. Jack examines Sayid's wound to find that it's almost completely closed. Sayid thanks Jack, but Jack doesn't have time to tell him that he didn't do it because happy pirate wants to ask Sayid some questions. Happy pirate realizes that Jack is smarter than....oh...a person with a massive brain injury, and that Jack knows they're all lying to him. Sawyer comes to the rescue with a hidden gun. Pirate finally speaks English, telling Sawyer that he has to stay. Sawyer says, "No one tells me what to do. Especially a sad-faced Sinbad extra (Sinbad the movie, not the comedian)." Sawyer waves his gun around, sweats alot, and runs out of the temple.

Hippie extra asks where Sawyer went. Kate, of course, offers to go after Sayid. She's pissed when Jin offers to go along, too. That's totally going to kill her mojo, having Jin there. Pirate asks how Kate will get him back and Kate says, "I'll seduce him with my body, of course." Or something like that. I spaced out for a minute thinking about how everyone on this show looks like they reek of B.O.

Fake reality, Kate puts her gun in a mechanic's face and tells him to give her a tool to cut off her cuffs. He ain't taking none of her crap and pretends to be her friend and stuff. She trusts him immediately, of course. Kate realizes that she totally victimized a pregnant girl and feels like a doody head. Rightly so. Loser.

Pirate has Sayid strapped to a table and blows ash all over him. Freaky. Now he's hooking Sayid up to a torture device. Man, this guy is just a big ole ray of sunshine, isn't he? He fries Sayid, literally. There's a frying sound and spit flies out of Sayid's mouth. Very realistic. Can I just say DANG. Sayid has lots of chest hair. It's like he was wearing a sweater under that tank top. OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! He just branded him with a fire poker. Bonnaroo told Sayid that it was a test and he passed. After Sayid leaves, they reveal that Sayid in fact, failed the test of being electrocuted and then burned. How do you pass a test like that?

Olive Garden's Pansiotti's look delish. I want to go to there.

Fake reality Kate goes back to find Claire and gives her her things back. She offers Claire a ride and Claire gets in the car with her because she's SMRT. Seriously.

Back in the jungle. Woodstock extra 1 tells Kate that they are protecting them from the smoke monster. He calls Kate princess and I guffaw. Woodstock extra 1 keeps telling Woodstock extra 2 to SHUT UP. He's pretty mean. Kate knocks them both out and Jin is really confused. I'm starting to think that Jin's script doesn't have any words on it, just this emoticon D: She says they're escaping. Sayid stumbles out of the back room and relaxes by the hot tub. He tells Jack and gang that he was tortured. Jack tells the guards to step aside and they do. He goes into pirates room and pirate is playing in his Zen garden. They tell Jack that Sayid is sick, infected. Pirate finds this hilarious. He rolls a homemade cigarette. No, wait, it's a GIANT pill to cure Sayid's infection. Sayid has to take the pill willingly, so they're asking Jack to do it. Pirate speaks English again. He asks how Sayid got shot, and Jack says it was his fault. Pirate sends Jack on major guilt trip. He tells Jack that now is his chance to redeem himself and Jack is crying again. Pirate says if Jack doesn't get Sayid to take the pill then the infection will spread. Hmmm...curious. Will the infection spread in Sayid's body, or spread to other people?

I can't wait to see Alice in Wonderland.

We're back and Hurley asks Sayid if he's a zombie. Sayid says no and Jack ambles up and asks the other peeps to leave. Miles says they'll be in the food court. Miles! Bringing the lolz! Sayid looks sweaty. Sweaty and mad. I'm starting to think this is not a temple, just an ancient sweat lodge. Jack unwraps herb pill. Sayid does look kinda sinister right now. Sayid says he will take the pill if Jack tells him to. Jack is torn. Back in the jungle Kate is stomping around like a buffalo. Yeah, she's great at tracking. Jin asks Kate to tell him where the plane crashed and she stonewalled him. What a witch. Jin makes this face again D:

Claire and Kate are having a pleasant conversation in the cab. Claire is insecure, as usual. They pull up to a really nice house. Claire asks her to come inside and Kate agrees. Starting to wonder if Kate plans on ditching the cab. It would be the smart thing to do since the cabbie escaped a long time ago and has probably already notified the police. Claire finds out that the husband in the adoption situation ditched his wife (jerk), and she kicks her out. Claire goes into labor on the front step. Because that's how it happens. You just all of the sudden feel the baby crowning. Labor isn't a long thing at all, especially for a first baby. That's it, TV. Keep perpetuating the myth.

Island time, Saywer is destroying his and Juliet's house. He rips up the floorboards and finds an old shoebox. Inside is a something that he grips in his hand and starts crying. Kate realizes that Sawyer actually cared about Juliet and tries to leave. Sawyer hears her and threatens to shoot her. I wish he would.

Fakereality Kate is in the delivery room with Claire and Kate goes to get a doctor and it's Ethan! Dr. Goodspeed. He seems nice when he's not being a CreepyMcCreepster kidnapper/doctor on the island. The baby's heart rate monitor flatlines. There it is. My baby! Hubs yelled the dingo baby line before I did. Crap! I'm rusty! Claire just called the baby Aaron. It took her forever to pick that name on the island. Kate and Claire are holding hands now. Will Kate start batting for the other team? What will the 9 million men on the island do without her?

On the island Kate tells Sawyer that she needs to find Claire. She asks Saywer to help her find Claire. He's just wanting to cry alone on a dock and she won't just leave him alone. She tries to take blame for Juliet's death. Sawyer tells her that it's his fault. I want to hug his whiskery face and tell him it's okay. Awww...the thing he got out of the box was an engagement ring. He was going to ask Juliet to marry him. That's so sad. He tells Kate she's on her own and she breaks down and cries because she's selfish that way. He DOESN'T WANT YOU, HUSSY!

Pirate is playing with a baseball and he and Jack share a smile. They start talking island politics. Togan? Tobin? What did he say? Togan/Tobin (who I think came over on the black rock) says he was brought here just like everyone else and calls Jack on not giving Sayid the pill. Jack wants to know what's in the pill and Togan/Tobin says he'll have to trust him. Jack says no dice and tries to swallow the pill. Togan/Tobin attacks him and hits and kicks him till he spits out the pill. It was hilar. Togan/Tobin admits that the pill was just a poison capsule.

Claire is staring at an ultrasound photo. Love those pictures of the baby. A detective and police officer comes in looking for Kate. Claire lies for her and they leave. Claire thanks Kate and gives her the credit card. Kate tells her to keep her baby.

Kate is sitting by a water spout, just wasting all the clean water. Sawyer stalks by and doesn't even glance at her. Burn! She grabs her stuff and heads out.

Togan/Tobin pours Jack some tea and Bonnaroo is amazed that Jack tried to swallow the pill. Togan/Tobin drinks first, so Jack trusts the tea. Jack asks why they want to kill Sayid and Togan/Tobin says he has been "claimed" by a darkness. Jack asks how he can be sure and Togan/Tobin drops the bomb that it happened to....Jack's sister! So Claire is now a dark lord. Jin's trying to get a drink and he gets attacked by the hothead and his reasonable friend. They argue and Jin tries to run and lands right in a bear trap. Hothead friend tries to shoot Jin but...Claire saves him. Jin looks at her and says her name and she looks all confused and befuddled. Like maybe she remembers him, and is fighting the darkness. Or maybe she's just wondering who he is and how he knows her name. Or maybe she's wondering when he learned English.

Previews: DarthLocke comes after Sawyer. That's about all I got out of that.

Okay, I'm a little peeved about a couple of things. 1) They are not answering questions fast enough for my taste. There are limited episodes left and we don't know ANYTHING. They have to start answering some questions. 2) There was a serious Desmond deficit in this episode. I can't love Jack because he cries more than me and Sawyer, well, it's just not appropriate to like Sawyer at the moment. Bring back Des!

Leave thoughts and theories in the comments!