Ahem:
Dear Guy who almost ran over me and my daughter in the bank parking lot today:
Hello, first of all you are not Carlisle Cullen. Stop acting like you are. Yes, I saw the gelled bottle blond hair and you driving your black tinted Mercedes like you're immortal or something. PUH-LEASE. Second, if you had just almost run over me I probably would have let it go, but the reason I came at you like a banshee on crack is because you endangered the life of my child. Don't act like I'm a crazy woman. Have you ever poked a sleeping bear with a stick? That's basically what you were doing today. You're lucky I didn't gouge your eyeballs out.
Dear dumb teenagers who flashed me and M at the McDonald's:
Yeah, that was me who called the police on you. Once again, don't be doing that stuff in front of my child. I can't laugh off people acting like that around her. And believe me, I would have laughed if she hadn't been there. Oh, and by the way, that's not really the best way to meet girls. Oh, and I didn't press charges against you. You might not be so lucky with the next person.
Dear Bacon:
Why do you taste so good, yet in your live form you give us flus? That is not very nice, bacon, so from now on I will be taking my bacon from turkeys, so as not to encourage your flu spreading.
Dear Sewing Machine:
I love you. I really, really do. And I thought we had a good relationship. So I don't understand why you not only broke a needle today, but flung it at my eye. That was not cool. You could have blinded me. I buy you the best titanium needles on the market. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dear M:
I love you.
Dear Hubs:
Happy Birthday and I love you. :)
Dear Friends:
Thanks for reading my dumb blog. I hope you have a wonderful night.
Sara
4 comments:
You got FLASHED??? Tell me your little girl didn't see that... how do you explain that to her? "Mommy, why did that boy show us his pee pee?" I would DIE!
I once had a sewing machine that broke needles like it was a hobby. Maybe that's why I never really learned how to sew. :-)
Happy birthday to your hubs.
And you're welcome - your blog makes me laugh. Plus, I know a Lost post is coming today. Woot!!
Yes, I did get flashed and no, she didn't see it. But they did get the pee scared out of them by a police officer.
Stinkin' Carlisle Cullen wannabe! Foolish flashers!
Your sewing machine flung a broken needle at your eye? EEEK!
I love bacon in ANY form! ;)
I'm so glad that M didn't see what was flashed in your general direction...but I would have loved to have seen those kids' faces when the cop showed up. Idiots.
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