Thursday, July 22, 2010


I have insomnia. All the time. At least once a week. It really stinks. Sometimes people ask me why I don't just use that time to get things done. It's because I'm too angry. I really love my sleep. I think sleep is sacred and holy and wonderful and it makes me very angry when I can't sleep. Even moreso now that I have a child and I can't take naps during the day. Someone asked me the other day what it's like to have insomnia. I think everyone's experience is probably different, but here's what it's like for me.

9:00 - I start my bedtime routine. Yes, like a baby has a bedtime routine. I have one, too, per order of my doctor. All lamps but one go off in the living room, my computer goes off, tv goes off. I read or crochet, nothing involving bright lights.

9:45 - I brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, all that jazz.

9:55 - I do two Sudoku puzzles. I don't know why, but I can't sleep if I haven't done two of them.

10:15 - Go to bed. No reading, TV, or keeping my lamp on. Dark, quiet, cool.

Most nights this works. The nights it doesn't work, it goes something like this:


Brain says: "I won't go to sleep! You can't make me! Think of stressful things! THINK OF STRESSFUL THINGS!!"

Me: "Noooooooooooooooooooo! Go to sleep!"

Brain: "You're not my mom! I refuse to go to sleep!"

Ear: "I can hear everything within a 10 mile radius! Hooray! Brain! Stay awake and listen to my sounds!"

Brain: "Suh-weet!"


Brain and Ear: "NO!"

Bird: " It's nighttime, but I'm going to sit outside your window and sing like it's daytime! LALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!"


Nyquil: "Take as much of me as you want. I'm not helping you sleep tonight!"

Neighbor Truck: "I'm a ridiculously loud piece of machinery. I shouldn't even exist because my noise is so obnoxious. That doesn't stop my owner from idling me in his driveway for 30 minutes at 2am then roaring off down the street like we're on the way to a fire or something."

Fire Truck: "I am on my way to a fire! WEOOWEOOOWEOOOWEOOOOWEOOO!"

Hubs' nose: "whistlewhistlewhistleSNOREwhistlewhistlewhistleSNORE"

3:00 am Everything is quiet. I start to doze.

Brain: "Did you remember to unplug your flat iron?"

4:00am I finally fall into an uneasy, not restful sleep.

7:00 am M wakes up.

Me the next day:

The point of this post? There's really not one. Just enjoy your sleep. And think of me and my pathetic unsleepy brain while you're wandering around in sugarplum land.


Michele said...

HAHAHA!!!! Stop it!!! That was freaking hilarious a-la-The-Oatmeal! Dude, I can so relate. I had one of those nights last night. Got into bed at 10:45, didn't fall asleep until maybe 1am. Woke up at 3am for no apparent reason. Back asleep. Audrey wants to eat at 4:30am. Comes to bed with me. Can't get comfortable. Back asleep at 5am. Audrey wants to eat at 5:45am. Roll over. Hubs breathing morning breath on me. Stifle gag reflex. Roll over again. Hubs gets up at 7am. I'm up at 7:15am. I am ridiculous about needing sleep but for some reason, once a week or so, I have a night like last night. Totally sucks.

Lulu and the Locket said...

There's nothing worse than insomnia, I have had it in the past and can understand how you feel you poor thing. I'm often my sleepiest about 10 minutes before I have to wake up after spending the whole night re-living movies in my head, or lyrics from songs I hate etc! Sleep is so precious, I loveee it more than the average person I think, I can usually sleep anywhere which is why when I have insomnia it so so distressing! Sometimes a hot bath before bed works or sometimes dare I say it a sleeping pill if it's really bad not that I'm recommending it! Cute blog xx

Nancy Face said...

Oh, my word! This was HILARIOUS, but I feel so bad for you! I've had some insomnia in the past, and it STINKS! Big time!

Sara said...

Hi Sara :) Glad to see your posting again, just not about having insomnia. I've just come through a horrible bout myself. My dr. told to take half of a benadryl...but, I wanted something more natural. I started taking melatonin. After about a week-week and a half of taking this every night, my body started getting back into the grove. If you can, the best stuff is the 5mg extended release; or the 3mg tablets work, too (just might not keep you asleep).

HTH some. Insomnia is the WORST, especially when you have to take care of a little one *hugs*

Sara said...

Happy to report the insomnia has improved somewhat. Sara, I have been taking melatonin and it's working wonderfully! Woo hoo!