* Last night we were eating dinner and I asked Hubs if he needed something more to drink. He said, "Yes, I need a TEA-FILL!" The sad part is that I laughed because it's the best joke I've heard in weeks. The Office really needs to come back on.
* Our neighbor's dog barks for infinity and I don't know what to do about it. It's frustrating.
* I don't understand people who cut me off on the interstate and then go 10 mph below the speed limit in front of me. Why WHY?! It makes no sense. Oh, and on a side note, if you drive really slow, stay out of the fast lane.
* M and I took a trip to the Wal-Mart today. We had to drive across town to the ghetto Wal-Mart because the one by our house doesn't carry the trash bags we like. When we got there a cart came rolling across the parking lot out of nowhere and smashed into the side of the car. Did I mention I'm driving Hubs' car this week? So now I have to explain that to him. Oh the way into the store a bird pooped on our cart, so I had to go get a different cart. Then M had to go potty so I took her in the disgusting public restroom. While I was washing my hands she threw my keys into the trash and they didn't sit on the top. They sunk all the way down to the bottom, below all the soggy paper towels. So I had to go trash can diving. Then I had to wash my hands with scalding water and wash my keys with scalding water. Then I bought some hand sanitizer and have been dousing myself all day. I'm going to be so mad if I catch swine flu from the trash can.
* I hit myself in the face with a door the other day so I have a huge bruise on my face. M fell off the porch last night and has a huge bruise on her arm. A lady in the Wal-Mart bathroom gave me a card with the name of a women's shelter on it. Poor Hubs. He's innocent.
* I'm making superhero capes for a friend of mine and her husband. It is so hilarious to size a cape for a 25 year old man. He was so embarrased.
* Hubs and I have decided that we're going to have a no-buy Christmas this year. M has so much stuff that she never plays with, and we just give our families gift cards every year because we never know what they'll like. So this year we're not buying ANYTHING. Scary, huh? We're making everything. I've spent the last week working on some gifts for M. I made her a diaper bag, velcro diapers, a hooded towel, and other baby items for her dolls. Hubs is building stuff too. It's so much fun, but a lot of work. That's why we're starting early. Starting in August I'll have a regular post on what we're doing and how to make your own Christmas presents. If you have any suggestions leave them in the comments!
Showing posts with label Random musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random musings. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Random Musings
Guess what we're doing?! Moving. Hubs and I were sitting in the living room the other night. I had made a trip to my beloved used bookstore earlier in the day (used books are just better) and we were staring at my little stack of books, all necessities, and wondering where we were going to put them because my books already fill up our two dinky Wal-Mart bookshelves and we have no more room for bookshelves. Hubs finally said, "let's get a bigger house." And I said, "Great!" Because I thought he was going to tell me I had to get rid of or stop buying my books. And I just can't do that. I want M to grow up in a house with books. It's the way it should be. So I've spent the last couple of days packing. Our plan is to get a bunch of stuff packed and moved to a storage unit this weekend. Next week we will start painting and putting up trim, then we'll stage the house. Hopefully we can put our house on the market at the end of the month.
Woot! I'm so excited. I've been wanting to move for awhile. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I'm not. I love the house we're in and it has been good to us. But it's just time to move. For one thing, I have no room for my sewing stuff. It's just stashed everywhere in the house. We only have two bedrooms, so where else would it go? I'm a cook and I'd love to have more than 3 feet of counter space. I'd also love to have a kitchen that didn't have a washer and dryer sitting in it. Most of all, I want a house with a yard where M can play. Our yard here is too dangerous as we sit right on a busy road. Our backyard is a steep incline, so it's not really conducive to play, either. We couldn't even put a swingset in it if we wanted to. She loves to play outside, so I have to drive her to the park every day. I would love to just have a nice yard where we could just go out and run and play without having to drive anywhere. And I want a garden. A real one where I can grow all of our veggies.
I've discovered something wonderful. M loves poetry. She was crying the other day because she wanted her daddy and nothing I did could calm her down. I finally went into my room and pulled my battered collection of William Blake poems from the shelf and started reading them to her. She clambered right into my lap and sat there in silence until I was finished with "The Lamb." When I was done, she said, "Please read more." So we read poetry for half an hour. Isn't she awesome?
So, I didn't do a LOST post this week. I'm sure Michele noticed. I've decided that since there are a zillion weeks until LOST comes back on (boo-to-tha- hoo), that I don't want to run out of good characters to write about. Because, let's face it. My post about Paulo would be: Paulo=poo. My Arzt post would be: Arzt was whiny then he exploded. So I'm going to every other week. Next week will be Sun.
Woot! I'm so excited. I've been wanting to move for awhile. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I'm not. I love the house we're in and it has been good to us. But it's just time to move. For one thing, I have no room for my sewing stuff. It's just stashed everywhere in the house. We only have two bedrooms, so where else would it go? I'm a cook and I'd love to have more than 3 feet of counter space. I'd also love to have a kitchen that didn't have a washer and dryer sitting in it. Most of all, I want a house with a yard where M can play. Our yard here is too dangerous as we sit right on a busy road. Our backyard is a steep incline, so it's not really conducive to play, either. We couldn't even put a swingset in it if we wanted to. She loves to play outside, so I have to drive her to the park every day. I would love to just have a nice yard where we could just go out and run and play without having to drive anywhere. And I want a garden. A real one where I can grow all of our veggies.
I've discovered something wonderful. M loves poetry. She was crying the other day because she wanted her daddy and nothing I did could calm her down. I finally went into my room and pulled my battered collection of William Blake poems from the shelf and started reading them to her. She clambered right into my lap and sat there in silence until I was finished with "The Lamb." When I was done, she said, "Please read more." So we read poetry for half an hour. Isn't she awesome?
So, I didn't do a LOST post this week. I'm sure Michele noticed. I've decided that since there are a zillion weeks until LOST comes back on (boo-to-tha- hoo), that I don't want to run out of good characters to write about. Because, let's face it. My post about Paulo would be: Paulo=poo. My Arzt post would be: Arzt was whiny then he exploded. So I'm going to every other week. Next week will be Sun.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Random Musings
Sorry, no LOST character summary this week, but I'm working on a kicking one for next week, so fear not.
I've written a lot on my blog about the Hubs and how much I love him. It's true. He changed my life and showed me how a gentleman should really treat a lady. He's my Superman, my Edward, my true better half.
But I don't devote much time on this blog to M. She just gets the occasional blurb. I really felt like writing something about how motherhood has changed my life.
For starters, M is a miracle baby. For years, even before I was old enough to think about starting a family, doctors have told me that my body could be too brittle to conceive and carry a baby to term. WRONG! She was two weeks overdue, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, doctors. At 15 weeks into my pregnancy I was told that I could lose her and there was nothing I could do about it. Wrong again. Every time they did an ultrasound she was there, kicking and growing and giving attitude to the technician. That's my feisty girl.
After she was born I was AMAZED at the fierceness I felt about her; the need to protect her from everything at all costs. I always thought I would be one of those laid back moms, but there I was, squirting everyone within breathing distance with hand sanitizer. Mama Bear, that was me. It's still me. When she was born and they handed her to me her eyes were wide open, like saucers. The child has barely slept since then and she's two. She still fights sleep like crazy. It drives Hubs nuts, but I secretly enjoy our late night times. I never once complained to sit up with her all night just holding her and looking at her. I still get the chance occasionally, if she wakes up scared in the middle of the night, and I relish it. Sleep is nothing to me anymore. Just that thing I need a few hours of to make it through to the next day. I'll sleep when she starts school.
She's getting to that age now when she's pulling away from me. I feel like a new mom all over again. This is all new territory for me. She is constantly exploring and discovering. Part of me is screaming to put her in a bubble, lock her up and protect her from the grittiness and hurt that she'll find in the world. The rational part is telling me to let her go, catch her when she falls, and hold her hand. I know that the best way for her to be a strong person is to learn from her own experiences, both good and bad. I know from my experience that life has just as much good to offer her as it has bad, but I have my parent blinders on and all I can see are the ugly things waiting on the wings. It's a constant struggle for me. It's a lesson for both of us. She's learning how to break away and I'm learning how to let go.
It hurts. It hurts to be a parent. I'm not talking about the birth part, either. That's old hat compared to watching them grow. It's a bittersweet thing. I feel like my heart's getting broken and woven back up multiple times a day. I want her to be a strong person who stands in her convictions and knows what she believes and why she believes it. I want her to have morals and standards. Part of me is afraid she won't like me once she becomes independent. "Am I doing this right?" is the question that's always on my mind.
But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Tonight I received some bad news from an old friend and after I hung up the phone I sat on the couch and cried. A few minutes later I felt a little hand patting my cheek and heard a little voice saying,"Mommy sad?" I opened my eyes and saw my child staring at me, holding out her favorite stuffed lion. Her lovey, the toy that can fix everything. Her eyes were hopeful, wanting her little offering to comfort me the way it comforts her. I realized then that I must be doing something right. She has compassion when someone is hurting. She climbed in my lap and kept patting my face and playing with my hair until I calmed myself down and then said, "Mommy happy now?"
Yeah, I'm not going to trade it. I'll take the heartbreak because the reward outweighs it by far.
I've written a lot on my blog about the Hubs and how much I love him. It's true. He changed my life and showed me how a gentleman should really treat a lady. He's my Superman, my Edward, my true better half.
But I don't devote much time on this blog to M. She just gets the occasional blurb. I really felt like writing something about how motherhood has changed my life.
For starters, M is a miracle baby. For years, even before I was old enough to think about starting a family, doctors have told me that my body could be too brittle to conceive and carry a baby to term. WRONG! She was two weeks overdue, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, doctors. At 15 weeks into my pregnancy I was told that I could lose her and there was nothing I could do about it. Wrong again. Every time they did an ultrasound she was there, kicking and growing and giving attitude to the technician. That's my feisty girl.
After she was born I was AMAZED at the fierceness I felt about her; the need to protect her from everything at all costs. I always thought I would be one of those laid back moms, but there I was, squirting everyone within breathing distance with hand sanitizer. Mama Bear, that was me. It's still me. When she was born and they handed her to me her eyes were wide open, like saucers. The child has barely slept since then and she's two. She still fights sleep like crazy. It drives Hubs nuts, but I secretly enjoy our late night times. I never once complained to sit up with her all night just holding her and looking at her. I still get the chance occasionally, if she wakes up scared in the middle of the night, and I relish it. Sleep is nothing to me anymore. Just that thing I need a few hours of to make it through to the next day. I'll sleep when she starts school.
She's getting to that age now when she's pulling away from me. I feel like a new mom all over again. This is all new territory for me. She is constantly exploring and discovering. Part of me is screaming to put her in a bubble, lock her up and protect her from the grittiness and hurt that she'll find in the world. The rational part is telling me to let her go, catch her when she falls, and hold her hand. I know that the best way for her to be a strong person is to learn from her own experiences, both good and bad. I know from my experience that life has just as much good to offer her as it has bad, but I have my parent blinders on and all I can see are the ugly things waiting on the wings. It's a constant struggle for me. It's a lesson for both of us. She's learning how to break away and I'm learning how to let go.
It hurts. It hurts to be a parent. I'm not talking about the birth part, either. That's old hat compared to watching them grow. It's a bittersweet thing. I feel like my heart's getting broken and woven back up multiple times a day. I want her to be a strong person who stands in her convictions and knows what she believes and why she believes it. I want her to have morals and standards. Part of me is afraid she won't like me once she becomes independent. "Am I doing this right?" is the question that's always on my mind.
But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Tonight I received some bad news from an old friend and after I hung up the phone I sat on the couch and cried. A few minutes later I felt a little hand patting my cheek and heard a little voice saying,"Mommy sad?" I opened my eyes and saw my child staring at me, holding out her favorite stuffed lion. Her lovey, the toy that can fix everything. Her eyes were hopeful, wanting her little offering to comfort me the way it comforts her. I realized then that I must be doing something right. She has compassion when someone is hurting. She climbed in my lap and kept patting my face and playing with my hair until I calmed myself down and then said, "Mommy happy now?"
Yeah, I'm not going to trade it. I'll take the heartbreak because the reward outweighs it by far.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Random musings
It's late. And I can't sleep. I have insomnia. When I can't sleep I write. First I want to apologize for any typos. My computer had a massive brain fart. Or processor fart. I'm not sure. It doesn't work, though, so I won't have any pretty pictures for my post today. I hope words will do.
Random things that happened to me today:
* My friends and I were at Olive Garden eating lunch (SOUP SALAD AND BREADSTICKS! YEAH BABY!). We like to act out Olive Garden commercials when we're at Olive Garden because they're so cheesy they're hilarious. Speaking of cheesy, we were acting out a commercial and the waitress laughed so hard that she flung a bunch of parmesean cheese all over me. I'm talking it was in my hair, down my shirt, everywhere. What did I do? I laughed. Cause that's some funny stuff.
* I'm on some new medication that is ROCKING my health. I'm not even kidding. I feel awesome. Anyway, one bad side effect is headaches that cause insomnia. Because I don't want to destroy my stomach and liver taking ibuprofen and Tylenol every night, I've taken to sleeping with a refrigerated ice pack on my head to dull the pain. Tonight I was getting all ready for bed and Hubs was staring at me. Not in the "interested" way, because I'm pretty sure I didn't look too sexy with my Breathe Right Strip, VapoRub, and 900 year old nightshirt. So I asked him what he was staring at. He said he wanted to know if I really needed to sleep with an ice pack or if I was just pretending I was sleeping with my head on Edward's shoulder. I guffawed. Seriously. Then I kissed him and turned off my lamp and spent about 45 minutes assuring him that I am not "in love" with Edward. Ed is just a character in a book. He's not a tangible person and therefore it's impossible to actually be in love with him and I wouldn't sleep with my head on an ice block if it wasn't medically necessary. Then I looked over and noticed that Hubs was asleep. He didn't hear a word I said.
* Speaking of loving the Hubs, I started The List today. The List is something I've done every few months since Hubs and I got married. I sit down and make a list (usually when I'm ticked off at him about something) of all the things I love about him. It usually starts with silly, mundane things and ends up with super serious soul-searching type stuff. Then I mail the list to Hubs. It's always fun to get some mail. Anyway, I'm sad to say that this is the first time I've done it since M was born. Being a mom is so time consuming, you know? But if you are a mom, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about why you love your spouse. Write it down. Send him an e-mail. Do something. Your relationship is a partnership, so don't put him on the rung below your child. He belongs higher up. Don't neglect him. When I had M, we hit hard times because I focused 100% on her and Hubs was kind of on the wayside of all of that. M and I were safe in our little Mommy/baby heaven bubble, and Hubs was on the outside looking in. Because of my PPD, I was terrified to let her out of my site, so his time with her was rough, too, because I was hanging over him like a vulture when he was with her. It took me realizing that I needed to focus on him and we needed to focus on raising our child together, not on just me being a mommy, before we really started to get better. I have to remember that he's not just my husband, he's my best friend. Half of the whole. So remember your better half. Treat him better than you would treat yourself. Remember that he's the person that you fell in love with. Your child is a pronounced product of that love. You're a team.
Back to the thread of the Love Project, though. I was shocked as I wrote my list how much it has changed since M was born. I mean, the usual things were still there:
* I love how we both get "the jerks" when we're falling asleep, and end up keeping each other awake.
* I love how you eat your sandwiches in a square.
* I love how you've got that He-Man aura going on when you grill.
But there were so many new things to add to the soul searching part:
* I love the person you are when you're with M. I'm proud that she can have the kind of daddy who should be respected, but who isn't afraid to dive head first into the frog pool to make her smile (That's against the rules, by the way. It says right there on the side 'no diving.').
* I love how you go into M's room every night and pray for her while she's sleeping. You think I don't know, but I do. You don't know how important it is to know that your parents pray.
* I love how you play your guitar for her and sing songs for her. I want her to be musical, like you.
And so on and so on. My list is 7 pagers long this time, with two columns per page, front and back. It gets longer every time I write it.
It's funny that Hubs asked me about Edward today. He never knows when I'm writing the list. So it struck me as funny that he would ask today, after I had written out, sealed, and stamped his letter. Because my love for him is the way it should be. It's bigger than it was yesterday. And if I continue to focus on that, focus on the good, and focus on what's best for him (and M), and not worry about my needs so much, well, it can only get better from here.
Wow, I think I can actually sleep now. Good night and good rest, my bloggy friends.
Random things that happened to me today:
* My friends and I were at Olive Garden eating lunch (SOUP SALAD AND BREADSTICKS! YEAH BABY!). We like to act out Olive Garden commercials when we're at Olive Garden because they're so cheesy they're hilarious. Speaking of cheesy, we were acting out a commercial and the waitress laughed so hard that she flung a bunch of parmesean cheese all over me. I'm talking it was in my hair, down my shirt, everywhere. What did I do? I laughed. Cause that's some funny stuff.
* I'm on some new medication that is ROCKING my health. I'm not even kidding. I feel awesome. Anyway, one bad side effect is headaches that cause insomnia. Because I don't want to destroy my stomach and liver taking ibuprofen and Tylenol every night, I've taken to sleeping with a refrigerated ice pack on my head to dull the pain. Tonight I was getting all ready for bed and Hubs was staring at me. Not in the "interested" way, because I'm pretty sure I didn't look too sexy with my Breathe Right Strip, VapoRub, and 900 year old nightshirt. So I asked him what he was staring at. He said he wanted to know if I really needed to sleep with an ice pack or if I was just pretending I was sleeping with my head on Edward's shoulder. I guffawed. Seriously. Then I kissed him and turned off my lamp and spent about 45 minutes assuring him that I am not "in love" with Edward. Ed is just a character in a book. He's not a tangible person and therefore it's impossible to actually be in love with him and I wouldn't sleep with my head on an ice block if it wasn't medically necessary. Then I looked over and noticed that Hubs was asleep. He didn't hear a word I said.
* Speaking of loving the Hubs, I started The List today. The List is something I've done every few months since Hubs and I got married. I sit down and make a list (usually when I'm ticked off at him about something) of all the things I love about him. It usually starts with silly, mundane things and ends up with super serious soul-searching type stuff. Then I mail the list to Hubs. It's always fun to get some mail. Anyway, I'm sad to say that this is the first time I've done it since M was born. Being a mom is so time consuming, you know? But if you are a mom, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about why you love your spouse. Write it down. Send him an e-mail. Do something. Your relationship is a partnership, so don't put him on the rung below your child. He belongs higher up. Don't neglect him. When I had M, we hit hard times because I focused 100% on her and Hubs was kind of on the wayside of all of that. M and I were safe in our little Mommy/baby heaven bubble, and Hubs was on the outside looking in. Because of my PPD, I was terrified to let her out of my site, so his time with her was rough, too, because I was hanging over him like a vulture when he was with her. It took me realizing that I needed to focus on him and we needed to focus on raising our child together, not on just me being a mommy, before we really started to get better. I have to remember that he's not just my husband, he's my best friend. Half of the whole. So remember your better half. Treat him better than you would treat yourself. Remember that he's the person that you fell in love with. Your child is a pronounced product of that love. You're a team.
Back to the thread of the Love Project, though. I was shocked as I wrote my list how much it has changed since M was born. I mean, the usual things were still there:
* I love how we both get "the jerks" when we're falling asleep, and end up keeping each other awake.
* I love how you eat your sandwiches in a square.
* I love how you've got that He-Man aura going on when you grill.
But there were so many new things to add to the soul searching part:
* I love the person you are when you're with M. I'm proud that she can have the kind of daddy who should be respected, but who isn't afraid to dive head first into the frog pool to make her smile (That's against the rules, by the way. It says right there on the side 'no diving.').
* I love how you go into M's room every night and pray for her while she's sleeping. You think I don't know, but I do. You don't know how important it is to know that your parents pray.
* I love how you play your guitar for her and sing songs for her. I want her to be musical, like you.
And so on and so on. My list is 7 pagers long this time, with two columns per page, front and back. It gets longer every time I write it.
It's funny that Hubs asked me about Edward today. He never knows when I'm writing the list. So it struck me as funny that he would ask today, after I had written out, sealed, and stamped his letter. Because my love for him is the way it should be. It's bigger than it was yesterday. And if I continue to focus on that, focus on the good, and focus on what's best for him (and M), and not worry about my needs so much, well, it can only get better from here.
Wow, I think I can actually sleep now. Good night and good rest, my bloggy friends.